OLD strat: what's yours?

Hhjjuuy · 2021-08-25T16:57:47+00:00

If you're considering putting bikini pics onto OLD you probably shouldn't be dating at all, online or otherwise.

denimlace · 2021-08-25T17:24:57+00:00

Building an OLD profile is like trying to arrange poo in the toilet

Thestral-glow6 · 2021-08-25T18:54:45+00:00

I know you just want to test the waters after a long break, but honestly don’t.

I’ve never regretted meeting a man more, than those I met through online dating. The last two literally scarred me emotionally/mentally and one even physically assaulted me.

It’s a cesspool of all the men who can not properly function in real life around women or are sleazy fu*k boys 😑

🤍

iheartnoodlez · 2021-08-25T20:24:35+00:00

My two bffs are married to HVM, for sake of the question I'll mention bff1 met hers on OLD. I think it was 100% luck, she was on there for <6months, and neither of them were originally from the area so they were both looking to meet new ppl. I don't think she used any bikini pics, just cute ones where she was dressed well.

I also use OLD and had a far-away bikini pic on there until recently. Something just clicked for me that I don't need to prove to these random men that I'm hot in a bikini, I know I am, and if they get the chance to see me irl they'll know that too.

The guy who is waiting for me to reveal my naked body to him prior to meeting isn't the guy for me.

_NotWellBitch · 2021-08-25T20:46:06+00:00

warning: long post

i met my current boyfriend on hinge, but i went through so many horrible people first and it honestly was traumatizing. i really really do not recommend it. the reason i used it is because i had moved to a place where i had no friends and no means of socializing during covid. if you have any friends at all or can go out and socialize, do that instead. or put dating on hold if you can’t.

my worst experiences were when i was more pick me. after i finally internalized FDS, my filter got much better and i was able to reject most lvm before matching/having a convo/meeting for a date. one slipped through and i had a shitty date, but there was a flag i should have noticed in the convo. despite much more efficiency than before, it was demoralizing to sift through a bunch of people disrespecting me and it took way too much effort. i will never put myself through that again.

before i developed higher standards, it was absolutely so horrible. there was one guy who, after just one date, was way too stalkerish and i had to block him. he kept finding ways to contact me and it was extremely frightening. there was another guy who asked to be exclusive, i foolishly said yes, only to find he really hated me, he was really abusive and to top it off he had never deleted his dating profile and was updating it with me cropped out so i was probably getting cheated on. there’s more stories but you get it.

also, all this was with no bikini photos, really classy pictures, nothing suggestive just kind, intelligent, and witty profile. there is nothing you can do to avoid disrespect.

my point is, don’t do it. i suffered so much even when i finally got good at filtering. i really really love my current boyfriend but, looking back, i don’t think it was worth it. this is the best relationship i have experienced so far, he meets all my standards and then some, if i keep getting treated like this i want to marry him, etc etc BUT no amount of happiness is worth the trauma i went through. it would have been much healthier for me to have met someone great without going through what i did on the apps. im glad i got a good outcome and got out of there, but i wish i hadn’t done it in the first place.

OriginalCanCon · 2021-08-26T02:09:06+00:00

I had lots of pictures of me with my interests! Lots of cosplay which could be detrimental (but my pics were less revealing than some cosplay - think Hermione, bad Janet from the good place, Cher from clueless, etc. Not like... First suicide squad Harley Quinn or skimpy anime schoolgirl for the creeper weeaboo dudes). I also posted pictures of me at like beer/wine tastings, or doing fun stuff with friends. Things that made it easy to start a conversation about my life to see if they put effort into looking at my profile.

Only swiped on dudes who had photos of them dressed nicely, with nice angles. Ignored any blurry pics, pics with obviously douchy Ed hardy or gym attire, no shirtless mirror selfies, no baseball cap and sunglasses low effort crap. No standing next to their truck like they think that's going to attract ladies somehow (ugh).

Ended up swiping right on a guy who posted really nice photos of himself in suits at family weddings, with pictures of him with his cat and dog too. His profile stated he was looking for a relationship and listed his career and some interests.

It's been two years now and I still am really glad I swiped right on that cat - I mean, boyfriend. But like 50/50 the cat and the man.

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-08-25T21:35:04+00:00

Don't meet everyone. Dont meet everyone you meet twice. Remember its a numbers game and throwing a match back is perfectly fine because there's many many more. OLD is the perfect place to practice vetting because you can easily reject 100 men a month if you had that kind of time. Just keep your eyes and ears open and reject quickly.

AwkwardDisaster4150 · 2021-08-25T19:48:56+00:00

I met my husband on tinder. I didn’t post any bikini pics, or anything suggestive, or even any pics where I had makeup on, mostly because I’m not a daily makeup wearer, I wear it maybe once a month or on a special occasion or night out and didn’t want anyone with any expectations that I put makeup on just to hang out at home or go to the grocery store. It was all pictures of me doing hobbies like playing music, softball, running, singing with my choir, etc. I immediately unmatched anyone who sent anything suggestive or sexual in messages to me.

mimikayo · 2021-08-25T17:34:50+00:00

Hey OP, I was in your boat and not pro-OLD as well but looking at it as a tool. I feel ya girl as someone in a big city that has anti-social dynamics (hard to make friends even), OLD was a necessary evil where I live too. IE Work is a small bubble, friends don't know any single people, hobbies small bubble.

I built my profile with what I'm interested in, like science museums, animals, and outdoorsy stuff. The usual safety PSA don't share anything revealing, like where you went to school. People in my city only used one app when I was on OLD.

Keep your bio short and have fun/be laissez-faire with it. I went with being silly because that's what I am. I told my story about moving around a lot and finally settling in Big City to do the adulting.

Photos: nothing you wouldn't put on a public social media with no privacy settings. See the other comments re: bikini pics. A friend used a koala as her picture when she matched with her husband.

I feel the less seriously I took it the better my results. Also I just enjoyed roasting people after having to be nice all day at work 🤔

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-25T18:31:07+00:00

I deleted the app a few days ago, because I was starting grad school and had no time for shenanigans.

Go into this and don’t expect ANYTHING to happen from these conversations. For me, OLD is mostly used to practice weeding out scrotes using the FDS handbook. Lol there are so many of them there that you spend more time saying no and rejecting them 😂.

Don’t upload revealing pics, or let them know anything too serious. Keep your boundaries and standards high. I know that some people eventually cave and lower their standards and it’s just not worth it.

Remember, you have the right to stop talking to them anytime you want. In addition, you don’t need to give them a reason. You don’t owe them anything.

Some things I like to practice is that, I make my matches come to me. The moment they suggest I come to them is an automatic unmatch. Walking dates and going out for drinks are a big no for me. An online screening is crucial to me, so I can decide if they’re even worth my time and effort to get ready.

I don’t go 50/50. For a first date, my older sister always told me that he has to spend at least $100 in that day. If he doesn’t, it means that he’s got other options and needs to stretch out his finances, and he’s not interested or serious in you.

bombas- · 2021-08-25T16:51:14+00:00

I’m sorry but I just don’t think it’s worth it. Every time I dated a man from OLD, I wished I’d never met him.

There’s a reason you wouldn’t normally meet these guys without OLD. Let the life you’ve built for yourself do some social selection for you like it was meant to.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-08-25T17:13:14+00:00

For what it's worth, the only OLD strategy I've heard that makes any sense is to make yourself look expensive. Pics are you dressed to the nines on nights out at fancy restaurants, parties, luxury travel etc. so the guys know what's up. You're not the gal to go camping or mini golfing. Granted, this could just attract another kind of loser who wants to bring you down.

**disclaimer: I have never tried this advice because I haven't online dated in over a decade, will never return to it, and highly suggest other women don't either. Way better to meet dudes in real life. Happy hunting.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-08-25T17:19:19+00:00

OP, what sorts of things (hobbies) are you into? Maybe I can throw some suggestions out there for meeting men?

Honestly, I tried OLD for about 6 months, it's not worth it. I know some FDS-ers are pro-OLD, but I honestly think it's a waste of time (at best) & even they'll realize that eventually. It's full of the bottom of the barrel - there is good reason you're not meeting these losers IRL.

Scrotes are everywhere, but I've found just improving yourself & focusing on your hobbies to be great ways of meeting LOADS of men, some of which turn out to be decent people.

I joined a group for outdoor-lovers a few months ago to do a wholesome beach clean-up as volunteers, and let me tell you, the A B S 🤤 A few of us got along really well & kept getting together, doing whatever - seeing shows, game nights, rollerskating, climbing, hiking... just getting to know each other. I made friends with some really lovely HVM and am currently dating one of the guys. It's only a couple months in & I'm still vetting, but he's blown every OLD loser out of the water. Plus, even if I hadn't met him, it still would've been a fun experience & I still would've made loads of new friends, as opposed to just coming home from a shitty awkward dinner with some handsy 5'7 loser that was several planets below my league anyway.

candyfox84 · 2021-08-25T22:45:41+00:00

Share neutral and non-sexual photos of yourself, limit to 3 pics. I wanted to emit a serious demeanor to elicit serious responses only. If I had super specific things I was looking for (such as height requirement) I put that in the description in a friendly way. Keep it brief, imo, describe yourself in two to three sentences. I met my SO OLD and used a picture with my work clothes and my hair back, with polished make-up but not glam. Save the glam for the third or fourth date.

Far_from_deceived · 2021-08-25T16:43:02+00:00

I’m not sure if there’s gonna be women answering your questions in a positive way here, since FDS discourages OLD for a number of reasons.

In my personal opinion and from 3 years experience I can tell it’s totally useless. To simply put: men on OLD are trash and don’t intend to get out of the apps. I don’t think it will serve as a tool for you.

We discussed here before that HVW don’t put themselves on dating apps because it’s the ultimate pick me tool.

electroloop · 2021-08-25T16:42:19+00:00

Yes take lots of bikini pics!!! In fact, bend over backwards in your photos and just let men know you’re there to be used and abused and you’d be down to be their “unicorn”.

OLD is a total shit show. Delete the apps, that’s the best strategy I can offer you. There’s so many threads on this topic already.

katiekat0214 · 2021-08-25T20:58:38+00:00

I was married 25 years, divorced 90s, widowed 2016. I use OLD simply to find a date, since I haven't done that in close to 30 years now. (And for the record, haven't yet been on a date. They're all way too young, too old, too far away.) All I want is some guy who looks acceptable to take me out on the town. I don't care if it's dinner and a movie, utterly vanilla, just something to dip my toes back in the water and get a bit of experience.

As for my dating profile, I make it clear I don't have kids and don't want anyone else's, and say so bluntly. I say that I'm highly independent, and would only want a man, never need one. I also fully don't expect them to read, much less with comprhension. They're "visual creatures", yada yada. I have zero expectations other than enabling my own dating after decades of not doing so. To me this is a means to an end, nothing spectacular, because quality men are not found on OLD, 99% of the time. There may be rare gems, emphasis on "rare".

And I'm going about building community elsewhere in the real world. OLD for me is just for building experience.

Back, by the way, after nearly THREE WEEKS without internet!

fuckbeingautobanned · 2021-08-25T16:47:32+00:00

What the hell makes you think strangers have the right to see you nearly nude? You say you want a dating app to work for you, but you're still stuck in the mindset of pleasing others. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SUBJECT YOURSELF TO THIS?

bleda_princezna · 2021-08-25T17:43:42+00:00

I've deleted all the apps yesterday, after a month. I did not expect anything from it, just wanted to practice things I've learned from FDS, but damn was it draining and made me miserable most of the time. Despite not having any expectations.

Men on OLD are trash, if someone seemed decent (literally 2% of men I talked to) that image lasted couple days max. Usually took two conversations and I was over it because they were either inappropriate or unable to put together a date idea.

The rest? I didn't realize the bar was this low... Just gross. It's basically as if all the losers in the male population got together on these sites and that was that.

In real life this just doesn't happen, you get a fair share of creeps and assholes, but also a fair amount of decent acting men. On OLD HVM practically don't exist. Probably because a decent guy is too busy with other stuff, like their career goals, hobbies and socializing with friends and family. Which is what I'll keep myself occupied with as well from now on.

Platipus6 · 2021-08-25T21:46:26+00:00

The men on OLD are unattractive and deluded, looking for hookups.

Milobear27 · 2021-08-26T19:30:10+00:00

There’s a great podcast called break the dating code, has good tips. I heard about in on fds.

It’ll suck up a lot of your time and is not worth it but I get it fomo lol. Have pics that kind of make you look like a goody two shoes. No crazy party pics. Smile. No coffee or walk dates. Pay the extra money and see who likes you or just look at who messages you first, don’t waste time swiping. Match or hinge, not tinder or hook up apps. Match their energy, if they just say hi, do the same. If they don’t ask questions, don’t ask questions either.

Outrageous-Bat2472 · 2021-08-27T16:21:15+00:00

Well, I’m not saying it wasn’t a miracle, but I met my HVM husband OLD. He was new to it or I think it might not have been such a match. I chose a platform that required MY interest in the guy for communication to start (did not like the random messages on okcupid). I had a physical type (military since Im a veteran myself and grew up being attracted to that clean cut look), but found that a LOT of cat fishers use military as their hook for the uninitiated. I had pictures of me having fun with my hobbies. One full body hiking picture (in full gear including pack)… and then some unfiltered face shots with lots of smiling and not lots of other people. I did the OLD in waves. Had a couple short term relationships I learned how to break up with men who weren’t the right guy. I got happier being single and then my niece convinced me to give OLD another shot and I met my husband. It was pre Covid so some of my rules might need to be altered. I chose a local restaurant/coffee bar that I liked to frequent on my own and was friendly with the staff for all my first dates.

If a date wasn’t set up within a week of starting to chat, I said bye. I wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship.

And then it was just conversation, any sex talk and the date was over.

Lack of follow through and there wouldn’t be a next date.

If he didn’t offer to pay, unlikely there would be a second date. (I don’t remember if that ever actually happened though tbh).

If there was a last minute cancellation, I wasn’t real keen on trying to reschedule.

I set up a series of dates over a one or two week period of time and if I met someone interesting, would see how that went did a bit. And then give myself time to be single again before I started a new “cycle”.

I went at it like I was interviewing a potential employee almost. Had a mental list of relevant questions. Including past relationships to get a vibe for their level of respect for women.

And then he just ended up being a super HVM and I don’t know how he found himself OLD. But he’d been faithfully married for 20 years to a truly crazy person (4 years later had to threaten a restraining order to finally get her to leave him alone). He didn’t tell me she was psycho until I got to encounter the level of crazy he was dealing with myself. He didn’t even bad mouth HER until I had reason to ask the questions. So I guess a green flag was him not bagging on “crazy ex’s” even when she WAS crazy. Lol

But it was probably approaching the whole thing as a sort of experiment that helped me the most. I hadn’t dated since my late teens prior to OLD… and I tried the bar scene a little, and work wasn’t even an option (as a manager I can’t date within the company). And doing it in small cycles with down time in between to give myself time to recover for the next round of disappointment. LOL

Good luck sister. There are great men out there, diamonds hiding in piles of broken glass. I hope you find your HVM!

Title	OLD strat: what's yours?
Author	foodgrowerfoodeater
Upvotes	75
Comments	55
Date	August 25, 2021 4:24 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pbepgw/old_strat_whats_yours/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/old-strat-whats-yours.1064747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1064747

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