First of all, every single one of you was 100% right and I wish I had listened earlier. UGH, I WISH I HAD LISTENED AND JUST BLOCKED HIM!!! But no, he was so 'nice', and 'attentive', and 'funny', and 'conversational', and I kept talking to him like the gullible fool that I am. I'm re reading all the comments on that thread and feel like going back into the past and vigorously shaking myself and yelling in my face to cut him off.

So I'd been having these niggling thoughts about the whole episode I talked about earlier and how I didn't think he was capable of really being a husband or a father because of his weak career at the moment. Some things came up in conversation so I sent him a text being very clear and direct about how I thought he is not ready and that I expect certain things from a marital partner, and yes I pretty much sent it with the intention that it would be a 'bye-bye' message, without explicitly stating so.

Despite how mean I can be, he had a history of always texting and being sweet and trying to make me laugh so against my better judgement and goals I was lowkey expecting him to reply, but he read it and never replied...and worse? He went back on to the OLD website, so...it's over for realsies. He pulled such a 180! I just wish I'd done it sooner.

Now I'm crying because I made this fantasy in my head and now I have to live in a future without that fantasy. I've gotten over much much worse so I know I will be fine in the near future but right now...right now I'm just bawling.

I swear I'm never going to give anyone a second chance and make it IMMEDIATELY clear if my expectations are not met. Never give a man the chance to explain his actions because he's just going to lie anyway. Block a dude at the first red flag, it's never going to be worth your while. Men are not naive and they know exactly what they've written/answered/done, don't make any excuses for them AT ALL and don't EVER rationalise anything they do.

For now...I'm just going to cry for a few days, but I am glad I did not waste any MORE time than just a little over a month and a half and proud that I was much smarter this time than any other time in the past. I am probably just trying to scratch an itch and find a distraction to one of my core issues in life: my location. So I've typed up my emails and will be hitting up immigration lawyers tomorrow to take control of the trajectory of my life and live where I know I'll truly be fulfilled instead of expecting a man to come swoop me away.