What should you expect in a relationship when you're teenager?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-04-09T05:24:28+00:00

I'm posting this to the main sub so it can have more exposure.

anywaysheresrational · 2021-04-09T05:58:02+00:00

First of all: your feeling is right. Moneywise you are investing more than he is, and one-sidedness is the doom of all relationships (more on this precise point in a bit). Please hold yourself accountable here and reflect on things like boundaries and people pleasing.

In general: Could he send you handwritten letters without any of you getting into serious trouble ? Drop off the occasional inexpensive gift/handcraft at your doorstep ? Call your parents to let them know he's serious about you ? Ask them to ask you out ? Is he there for you when you seek advice, or someone to rant to ?

All of these are perfect ways to show and reciprocate emotional investment into someone.

And that's what we want.

FDS is all about BALANCE (angry incels argue its about toxic fempower to prevent the change of status quo they benefit from so heavily).

Not equality. BALANCE.

The reason so many of us post about "expensive" gifts/trips/dates (a dinner date of 60 bucks is NOT expensive btw) is because many of us are already established. We're a bit older than you :) so don't stress yourself out by trying to think in dimensions that don't apply to your life YET.

We offer so much to a man, like for example:

our own incomes we bring into the relationships
orgasms. LOTS of orgasms.
the most pleasant company, someone to laugh with and laugh about their jokes when all their homeboys say "stfu you're not funny fuckhead"
emotional labor of all sorts (listening, giving advice, boosting confidence through attention and support that overall says "You're my man. I GOT your back.") while also being the best type of friend possible: the type who pulls your head our of your own arse and calls you out when you're in the wrong
overall the radiance, beauty and energy only a woman gives to this world
if children are involved raising them to become at least decent if not stellar human beings
practical labor/acts of service; I personally take pride in maintaining an immaculate home, and am more than willing to share these amenities with and open them towards those who deserve them
all of this while CONSTANTLY being objectified, harassed, shit on, disrespected, dismissed, neglected, not or under acknowledged, underpaid and undervalued to say the least, and physically or emotionally assaulted in the worse cases (worse and yet so much more common than many admit)

And so much more.

To BALANCE all of that: I won't initiate. My role is the choser. I get to pick from what I am being suggested. I will not pay at dinner or lunch, and will get picked up and dropped off at my doorstep like a gentleman should. Access to me, my body or my time is not transactional. I owe decency and respect, not feelings or my body (and btw if you're being a disrespectful shit I will drop my etiquette too. Ghost/left on read forever, I'm not your mom to reparent you on manners and morally correct behavior. High horse ? Yea it's nice up here, learn to ride or leave it).

Balance is the absolute key to happiness in relationships with friends, family, co-workers and romantic partners.

One-sidedness is doom.

Is there a balance between you and him as for how invested you are in the relationship ?

Vmwvi · 2021-04-09T06:52:36+00:00

Why have you spent over 60 000 rupees on him? That's a huge waste of money, especially considering you both don't earn anything, and he in no way intends to pay you back (he has no job and has not gotten one to pay back the tens of thousands you gave him). You approximate him as spending a tenth of what you spend on him on you. From your post it seems like he's uninterested in reciprocation and is with you for the money. You should expect so much better. He should definitely be doing more.

betsybasset · 2021-04-09T12:05:52+00:00

The fact that you're here asking is your gut telling something is off.

Believe it. Gut is there for a reason.

I grew up from similar country like yours. Men pays for everything.

Dump him. You're still young. Fill it to make your life fully. So others coming in is a cherry on top.

Not a necessity. Especially not men from these so called 'religious' countries.

Edit: added a sentence.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-09T09:07:20+00:00

Ideally, you shouldn't date but focus on yourself, but if you want to date, then you should learn how to vet ruthlessly.

creamtart_ · 2021-04-09T11:52:33+00:00

Real talk, skip relationships all together when you’re a teen and early/mid 20s. Invest ALL your time and energy on yourself.

I regret being in a relationship when I was 18, I was way too vulnerable and impressionable, I did not know to put myself first. But we live and learn. I took it as a lesson. You’re asking for advice and I hope you actually take on the quality insight that people have offered here.

Enrich your life with your studies, work, hobbies, friends, family, passions. Investing in yourself will give you incredible confidence and help you in prioritising your own needs first. A relationship may come along down the track and that’s just a bonus in an already 100% wholesome life.

purasangria · 2021-04-09T11:26:57+00:00

Stop. 👏 Spending. 👏 Money. 👏 On. 👏Men.

He should be treating you. If he hasn't the resources to spend on you, then stop spending time with him, unless you want to be with a man who doesn't value you.

Please read the handbook, it's all there.

If you not ready to marry, focus on your education. Don't rely on a man.

TrixieFriganza · 2021-04-09T08:05:47+00:00

I would be very careful to get more serious with a low value and low effort man in a muslim country specially, I mean if you get problems and you want a divorce the woman would probably be blamed. Hopefully your country is not as bad as some other though.

Title	What should you expect in a relationship when you're teenager?
Author	ay3shanaz
Upvotes	73
Comments	8
Date	April 8, 2021 9:10 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mn1mey/what_should_you_expect_in_a_relationship_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-should-you-expect-in-a-relationship-when.778240 https://theredarchive.com/post/778240

Comments