When do we stop using FDS?

husheveryone · 2020-02-13T21:19:35+00:00

Living in a self-respecting manner with healthy boundaries is something I do just for myself. Not for a man at all. Not to get a man, not to keep a man. For me. Just for me, doing me. My best me. So I’ll never stop living by these principles.

2020-02-13T21:26:45+00:00

[deleted]

SpectralCadence · 2020-02-13T21:16:26+00:00

FDS is about more than just withholding sex and emotional investment until commitment. It's a mindset you continue for a lifetime.

idiosyncrassy · 2020-02-13T22:20:48+00:00

This might be an unpopular opinion, but everyone needs to ask themselves first if marriage is even something they want out of life.

I support most of the ideas in this sub, but it still boils down to "pickmeisha" behavior if you're basically doing all of these behaviors only as a strategy just to get hitched.

People can change after marriage. You can do everything "right" and still be unhappy or get divorced. And it may not be because your spouse turned into a total dick. You might find out that wifing up doesn't really make YOU happy. You may find out that you prefer to own your own identity instead of being a wife.

FDS doesn't make you or your future SO divorce-proof. And if that happens, getting divorced doesn't make you a bad person or someone who blew it because of who they "picked".

And you can get divorced, or never even get married in the first place, and still have an awesome life. Your career is great, you own your own house, travel, etc. And at that point many women ask themselves, "a companion is nice but do I really need a ring and all that entails? I'm killing it already."

You need to go beyond FDS and the assumption it's based on, that significant companionship is a) necessary in your life and b) will involve your personal sacrifice (time, effort, money), and thus you need to have someone worthy of that sacrifice. You have to ask yourself, does that life of sacrifice need to happen at all?

I'm not making this to be the feminine GTOW. Relationships are great. I'm in one. Many of us will have several significant ones in our lifetime. I'm saying, there is a result even better than "the best HVM picked me" and that is "I picked me."

huixqui · 2020-02-13T21:19:32+00:00

As I understand it, it's not that FDS will make a man behave any more or less HV than he truly is. It's a vetting system. If you marry someone who is truly HV and you keep on being your own HV self, then their behavior towards you should not change after becoming committed. Sure, some things in the dynamic will change as you become a family unit with shared finances and (possibly) children, but if you followed FDS then the man at the end of it should be HV no matter the context.

level_up_always · 2020-02-13T21:47:25+00:00

FDS = having standards and boundaries so no you never give that up or stop it. They need to know you could leave at anytime and find someone else bc you're not going to put up with bs. Even (or especially!) in marriage bc a lot of losers think once you get hitched you're trapped. Never let yourself go ladies and keep your standards high! Always have your own life/interests and don't give too much men are the beneficiaries of marriage not us.

2020-02-13T22:28:18+00:00

You make it sound like this is some sort of strategy into tricking men to act better than they actually are, or that you have to be some sort of cold unloving woman or else they won't treat you well, or something. It's not like that at all. It's just getting rid of the people who you wouldn't be compatible with in the first place by having standards.

2020-02-14T02:01:06+00:00

The deathbed.

He should always be treating you with care and love. And you should expect that from him. It is game over when you take your last breathe.

randomyellowumbrella · 2020-02-13T22:40:34+00:00

If he falls for you when you're using FDS, don't even consider changing that because FDS serves YOU as a woman to maintain a loving, fair and respectful relationship.

FDS filters LVM so if you happen to drop it and give him some privileges after marriage, he might change his opinion about you.

MonkeyMoney21 · 2020-02-13T22:38:10+00:00

men like to chase, when you become convenient for him he will look for the thrill of the chase elsewhere; that’s not to say you shouldn’t support your spouse when they are going through a difficult time, it is just to say you need to be proactive about retaining your own personhood and looking out for your own needs and interests

Title	When do we stop using FDS?
Author	glittersparklesglitz
Upvotes	16
Comments	15
Date	February 13, 2020 9:12 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f3gze2/when_do_we_stop_using_fds/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-do-we-stop-using-fds.693823 https://theredarchive.com/post/693823

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