Why do I keep getting guys who are trying to use me in some way?

2019-12-18T06:38:03+00:00

Women attract ALL types of men. Our job is to sift through them and pick the good ones.

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-12-18T05:56:12+00:00

It's because of your approach to dating and your strategy for picking and choosing who to entertain.

If you were a "pick me" then you've probably bought into the idea that you should give "project men" a chance. These are the "fixer upper men" that you were told you needed to give a chance.

This strategy is sold to you by appealing to your empathy. You're told that it shouldn't (or doesn't) matter if he's employed, has a degree, good job, his own place, mental stability, or his own car. You're told that the only thing that "should" matter is that he's a good person, or that he has a good personality, or that he treats you well, cares about you, or loves you.

If you buy into this male-biased advice, which gives low ambition men the benefit of the doubt.... You'll end up with men who are in need of a bailout. Men who are looking to use you for housing, money, car, etc.... and you'll end up overlooking those basic qualities that all HVM should have, and then giving LVM a chance based on "personality". We all know that the "personality" and good treatment typically fades. They call the good treatment "the honeymoon phase". So you'll end up stuck with someone who's using you for housing, money, a car, etc... Long after the treatment and "personality" fades.

And once they do finish working on themselves, and they finally finish that degree, get that major promotion, or get a new car, they almost always begin looking for a new girlfriend or wife. They almost always declare themselves as too good for you and they oftentimes upgrade the GF or wife.

CoolMelonade · 2019-12-18T05:47:40+00:00

LOL no it’s not you, the scrotes are just trash. Welcome to FDS.

cherieblosum · 2019-12-18T09:48:55+00:00

To avoid feeling used, only give what you feel comfortable with. Don't be afraid to say no to men.

ponchoacademy · 2019-12-18T10:04:49+00:00

It's not you, it's a numbers game. These guys are trying it with everyone. The key is to not wait for them to show their true colors... I guarantee there were red flags that you rationalized away and made excuses for certain behaviors.

Reflect on these guys and be really honest with yourself about what sort of things you let slide in the beginning and as things progressed. Little things that seem like nothing add up to the end goal/true colors.

Keep those things in mind and be on alert...the second you spot bs, drop him and move on. Don't try to figure him out or give him time or whatever. Don't waste a moment of your precious time in his numbers game.

2019-12-18T06:38:25+00:00

Women attract ALL types of men. Our job is to sift through them and pick the good ones.

extraacct1234 · 2019-12-18T09:06:34+00:00

If you don't give them things they can't use you for things. Only give what's reasonable, what you choose to give, and most importantly what is reciprocated. Give little at the beginning and judge what he offers.

Also never give a man money. Ever.

As far as jobs, he will only reason you for damaging his masculinity or something. Don't do that either.

The sex part, if you make him wait two or three months it tends to solve that issue.

Emotional support, only give what is reasonable, especially at the beginning. He should need your emotional support at the beginning of a relationship, if he does cut and run. Never date whiners or depressed man or men who need you as a crutch.

2019-12-18T09:09:14+00:00

your not getting them (as if you have no control over it), your choosing it.

Harsh truth, but you should work on your vetting process, understand the type of men your "picking" and giving a "chance to", work on boundaries and ending it at the first sign of disrespect/red flags.

PoorPlainObscure · 2019-12-18T06:33:08+00:00

Because that's the only kind of man there is.

Title	Why do I keep getting guys who are trying to use me in some way?
Author	Noteatingforoneweek
Upvotes	55
Comments	16
Date	December 18, 2019 5:33 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ec8cnr/why_do_i_keep_getting_guys_who_are_trying_to_use/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-i-keep-getting-guys-who-are-trying-to-use.686707 https://theredarchive.com/post/686707

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