Will I ever be "feminine" enough?

cutsforluck · 2020-06-06T02:20:18+00:00

I see what you're saying. Here's the thing: what people think of as 'feminine' is ultimately subjective.

It's more of a mentality. You get to pick what works for you, and leave what doesn't. So maybe you don't like dressing too 'feminine', that's ok. Find what works for you, makes you feel comfortable + your best self. This goes for everything, not just clothes. You wouldn't want to attract someone based on a facade you felt you had to put up, would you?

One thing I can suggest is to think of femininity as more of an energy. Not necessarily something specific you do, say, or how you dress. It's an energy of authenticity, shining bright in who you are, and letting people come to you. You can then use your discernment, to choose if you want to let their energy in or not. Keep doing what you love, don't feel you have to fake/force anything. If you start feeling that way, stop.

curlygirl507 · 2020-06-06T04:04:43+00:00

I have so many thoughts on this that I'm not quite sure where to start...

-I don't think the lack of attention you get from men is necessarily related to your style. Tons of girls without much style or who are tomboys get in relationships with men. And I'm pretty girly and got very little interest even when I was skinny and in college.

-Why do you want a relationship in the first place?

-A lot of men are predators who just want sex, money, attention, free services etc... You aren't missing much

-Your level of self-esteem shouldn't be related to external forces in any way

TinosCallingMeOver · 2020-06-06T01:53:19+00:00

I’m not super performatively ‘feminine’ (I don’t do the whole makeup, nails, hair whatever thing, I don’t shave when I can avoid it), but am presently in a relationship with a HVM who values me /not for my femininity/ but for /who I am as a person/. Honestly, just be yourself – anyone who wants you to change by wearing more makeup or whatnot isn’t worth it.

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-06-06T06:28:21+00:00

I think what you're asking is how to be more attractive.

Attractiveness, although related to physical beauty, is not entirely the same thing. Attractiveness in the sense of attracting lots of people to your person, has a to do with: conventionality, averageness, pleasantness, and the perceived ease of access (friendly, relatable, non-threatening, easy to understand, for men (or in the heterosexual romantic sense) this also usually means easy to impress, non-judgemental, maybe some boyish interests. Side note: keep in mind though out of the lots of pople you're attracting, many are LVM men looking for a pickmeisha And also LV women. Ultimately this means that just being attractive by itself is not enough to benefit you, you need to be RUTHLESS. Which is why many women opt for the Dumb Fox Credo.

It also means that you'll be putting up a front most of the time. Tbh I don't think it pays off to wear your heart on a sleeve.

There's also attractiveness that comes from being your authentic self, which is what you seem to be talking about. This will speak to a smaller amount of people, but many of them will be genuine. It can also be threatening or off-putting to some people, for example some women might assume that you might not befriend them because of some typically "boy hobbies" (I hate to put it like this).

I think it's a good idea to learn to distinguish these two, and meet new people with mode 1 then slowly drop in mode 2 to those that seem worthy :) Being in mode 1 doesn't mean you are compromising your authentic self!!!

2020-06-06T05:18:42+00:00

[deleted]

Hhjjuuy · 2020-06-07T20:05:58+00:00

So there's a lot here but I'm going to focus on one thing that stood out the most.

his exact words were "What’s wrong with you?”

You know this was a neg right? This wasn't a HVM making valuable insight into who you are as a person. This was a scrote trying to make you feel shit about yourself so that you would be easier for him to manipulate.

The whole anime/cosplay/unicorn thing is on the same lines - even if it looks really different. They say all these amazing things about you not because they see these things to be true about who you are but as a tool to try and get what they want from you.

And Nina. There are a fair few Ninas in the world. I know a few. They are more beautiful than most of us and that's kinda the point. She's not the norm. She is extraordinary, and with that comes it's own challenges. When Nina compliments you on your social skills and confidence it seems genuine (from what you've written here) yet you are tossing away this insight from a friend while putting stock in the nonsense that shit men have said to you.

You need to stop trying to find validation from men and romantic interests. This isn't to dismiss the issues you've brought up - it will fix them. And at the same time you will no longer care if they get fixed.

I don't know why you've specifically pinpointed femininity and being your downfall, but maybe thinking about that yourself would help you realise why you value yourself so little.

kikyo143 · 2020-06-06T19:46:05+00:00

Hey I just messaged you!

SubstantialNotice4 · 2020-06-06T21:16:49+00:00

Humans are animals. We always have been. I recommend occasional drugs like codeine, caffeine, or alcohol to deal with the feelings of unfathomable pain. It will make it much easier to motivate yourself to snap out of it long enough to work out, etc.

Title	Will I ever be "feminine" enough?
Author	graygirll
Upvotes	31
Comments	21
Date	June 5, 2020 7:19 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gxb2bo/will_i_ever_be_feminine_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/will-i-ever-be-feminine-enough.700962 https://theredarchive.com/post/700962

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