Why does it feel like my only satisfaction in a relationship (as a male) is to care about my partner? I feel like men are inherently undervalued in modern relationships

steamedhamjob · 2020-08-23T08:54:00+00:00

I struggle with this daily. As someone who grew up in a toxic environment where I was not given the care and attention I needed, the feeling of worthlessness hits much harder, and realizing I likely won't ever satisfy my need for an empathetic and caring partner feels much more poignant. I was always forced to put my parents' and family's feelings far above my own. I'm all too used to being the one to dote on others and give my all to others' wellbeing. And after dealing with the trauma and accepting that I was abused it only makes me bitter. And it makes me vulnerable to abusive relationships in this already unhealthy gender climate. And in the end it makes me feel resentment and anger at this whole society.

evil_log · 2020-08-23T09:13:50+00:00

I don't disagree in a sense. I feel like both men and women are undervalued in the common conception of a modern relationship. I'm also bisexual, and I've been with both men and women who have made me undervalued, and both who have made me feel valued. Unfortunately the former has been more prevalent.

burritobandito4 · 2020-08-23T13:43:55+00:00

I agree with this but I don't think it was better at all earlier in history. Before, all you were was a workhorse to provide.

-AcodeX · 2020-08-23T17:53:27+00:00

Robert Glover opened my eyes on this stuff. The vast majority of my shitty behavior in relationships became clear to me once I read his book.

Edit Wanted to add, much of my shitty behavior had to do with my ingrained perspective that the relationship hinged on me providing and doing everything for her while completely neglecting myself, which had me subconsciously resenting my long term girlfriend. The book showed me why I had this perspective and how to go about fixing it in order to make us both happier. It worked in my next relationship, the first relationship died due to both of us being terrible.

Cearball · 2020-08-23T18:44:28+00:00

Do you feel stuck in the provider role.

Moronic-Simpleton · 2020-08-26T00:39:58+00:00

It always kind of bothered me how people would tell boys "treat her well" and the girls "be with someone that treats you right, speak up if you’re ever abused" which of course is very good but I’ve rarely seen the opposite.

Title	Why does it feel like my only satisfaction in a relationship (as a male) is to care about my partner? I feel like men are inherently undervalued in modern relationships
Author	throwra_coolname209
Upvotes	0
Comments	10
Date	August 23, 2020 7:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/ieyzhl/why_does_it_feel_like_my_only_satisfaction_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/why-does-it-feel-like-my-only-satisfaction-in-a.1195738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1195738

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