My mother used to beat both my brother and I when we were kids. Dad never did so, but never protected us from her either. We grew up, mother kept trying to be violent but we would protect ourselves (not necessarily fight back) and she would get magically hurt. She would go cry to our dad and he would give us a lecture about it.

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When I turned 16 years old, my mother went bat shit crazy (she already was, but 3 years prior she started winning more money than my dad, which let all her resentment show). Her yelling was more frequent, her violent tendencies skyrocketed and she stopped working. Imagine going home from a long day to such a house. For the next 2 years everything would be a shitshow. She would try to physically assault my dad, sometimes taking a knife in her hand. She would tell him at the dinner table that she wished she could kill him right there with her fork, or that she would kill him in his sleep.

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Getting home was a nightmare. Most nights I would get home to a crying mother locked up in her room. She would hit her head against the walls and cry for hours without being able to control her saliva (so she would have saliva run out of her mouth). My dad would always push me inside her room to take care of her and calm her down. This would take 1h-2h and was messing with my own mental health.

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She abandoned us when I turned 18. My parents sold the house but weren't yet divorced on paper, which led the money they won from selling the house (91k CAD, about $68 013 USD in today's economy) to a shared account. My mother transferred the money overnight to another account that my dad didn't have access to. So with my mother, $68 000 USD vanished. Despite asking my dad to sue her and get at least half of the money back, he never did so.

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They got divorced in summer 2018, and even after that he kept contact with - at times even giving her money when she "really needed" it.

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During these years, my resentment towards my dad only grew. He used to be my hero as a kid, but now became the limp dick character of the story. I appreciate the food and shelter he gives me, and plan on paying him back in his old age, but when it comes to building a relationship with him I just can't do it. I have no respect for the man, even years after all of this happened. Respect yourselves as others won't do it for you - if you don't, even those who respected you will not do so anymore.