Help a fellow brother

TaiYongMedical · 2019-12-05T10:15:56+00:00

" It's this weakness of being unworldly that ruined me. I'm a late bloomer. I developed intense infatuation for a girl in my early 20s. "

Let's play a little game: What is the worst possible outcome for you, even if this specific girl fell for you, and you became boyfriend/girlfriend?

1) You fail to hold frame, and she leaves you for somebody else.

2) You manage to hold frame, and she still leaves you for somebody else (because that is how the reptilian female brain operates).

3) You hold frame long enough for you two to move in together. As soon as that happens, she changes 180 degrees , and turns your life into a nightmare, drags you down, consuming your financial resources.

4) Everything is fine. You both get married, and then she changes 180 degrees (as usually happens after the female has secured her pray. She stops working, and you become her financial provider. Sex dries out.

5) She doesn't change yet (after marriage) , but she does change after having the first child, or the second. She begins to feel unhappy, and sooner or later, asks for a divorce. You get divorce raped, have your house taken, half of your saving, forced to pay alimony and child support, which will consume the major portion of your salary.

6) Everything goes fine. She doesn't change. She still loves you, and you have 2 kids. That's the worst possible scenario (hear me out). Your income is enslaved to sustaining this fragile relationship. You pay mortgage, you pay for school, healthcare, food, gifts, cars and other necessities for a family unit of 4. And you can't stop doing that. You are forced to work a job you may not like, do the bidding of stupid people you hate, and all because you don't have the freedom to become unemployed. Because you realize, that if you were to lose your job...All of the things written in point (5) will come into effect.

Your life as you know it, will be like living with the Sword of Damocles above your head.

Game over.

lowkey150 · 2019-12-05T11:04:22+00:00

My take on your situation:

You give out too much undeserved respect (commendable but dangerous)
When you are mistreated - You still give out too much respect
You fear the repercussions of pushing back and sticking up for yourself

I'd say your biggest problem, while not immediately apparent, is number 3.

I'd say that part of the reason you are respectful and timid is because you fear the repercussions of speaking out against being insulted. Because of that, you'd rather say nice things, appease people, try not to be rude. Otherwise, if you talk back, the situation might escalate into a physical altercation, which you would prefer to avoid, maybe because you don't have much physical power yourself.

Therefore, at the risk of sounding like a PUA (I'm not trying to sound like that) - I'd say you should go to the gym, bulk up, put on muscle. Not to show off to people, not to look good. But simply so that you have enough physical power to back yourself up if somebody tries to push you about or start a fight with you.

It's more of a mental/psychological thing, rather than a strength thing. I'm guessing you're not very built in the size/muscle department. The purpose of putting on muscle and bulk would not be to start fights or look good. But simple to give you the confidence to stick up for yourself, safe in the knowledge that there's is a good chance you'd come out fine if things go south.

Further adding to that, maybe take up self-defense classes, to improve you reflexes, posturing, combat skills. Again, not to start fights, but for the mental security that physical consequences to sticking up for yourself will be minimal.

The next time somebody f's with you, you can talk back, put them in their place, counter arguments, insult back, without fear being beaten up or pushed around.

Also, watch a lot of comedy, pick up some funny quips that can embarrass your foes in the event that they try to silence you.

Overcautious_Anxious · 2019-12-05T10:34:57+00:00

As soon as you stop validating yourself through the eyes of others, you will become a free man. You re not alone as long as you value yourself.

Ba11d5ack · 2019-12-05T09:55:29+00:00

Stop thinking of these horrid excuses for human beings as "FRIENDS" in any way. They were NEVER your friends, or "FORMER" friends. Cut off ALL contact with them, as if they are poison. You're asking for help, and you know you have a problem, which is a good place to start. I would start with becoming FORMIDABLE in body, mind, and skills, but NOT to show them, do it for the right reason. After you become powerful it changes how all of your interactions/negotiations/transactions take place because you're doing it from a place of strength. This new self confidence will go a long way in beating down your "OLD" social anxieties, until you forget why you were anxious in the first place. Courage is not the absence of fears, but the ACT of overpowering them. Good luck.

richardjreidii · 2019-12-05T10:27:42+00:00

Leave. You've no real friends, and no real job holding you there. Go into full hermit mode till your lease is up, then move to another state, and keep working on you.

GrisBosque · 2019-12-05T09:27:07+00:00

its a dog eat dog world...

But that doesnt mean we all have to be that way... In fact, we should strive not to be like that. but to have balance between being egocentric and naïve...

WaywardStag · 2019-12-05T09:33:22+00:00

There's no question in your post mate.

TooAwareToCare · 2019-12-05T14:53:22+00:00

Yo dude lots of good advice here.

Mine is...

Learn to take it easy on yourself

Infatuation brings desire and unfulfilled standards and expectations.

You’ve got mental health issue like me.

For god sake man work on yourself.

You change yourself by changing yourself, do the things you think about but never get around to

Work out, eat clean, find god. That’s what I’m TRYING TO DO.

Just try and let yourself fail

You gotta get the feedback of actually doing something to kick start the motion, get that loop rolling.

AeternusDoleo · 2019-12-05T10:17:14+00:00

The bridges to the past can be burned in fury. But there is always the danger... fire spreads and consumes, and anger is no different. A lot of energy with no outlet is a bad thing. Train yourself to associate the memories of being mocked and used with the desire to improve yourself. "Think I was nothing? You will regret treating me this way by the time I'm done. You'll ask me for help, and I will say no. And you will have only yourself to blame."

That way you can turn frustration and anger into motivation to improve.

OverlordWhiteWolf · 2019-12-05T10:35:45+00:00

What qualities in a person would make you proud? Figure that out and continuously work to develop those in yourself.

when_its_too_late · 2019-12-05T15:40:44+00:00

Honestly just say something that will make them never want to see you again. Get it over with now than later. I was also a late bloomer and had similar experiences all through my life till my last and final relationship. I only speak the truth and what I feel and when my feelings want to control my mind I call myself out on it every single moment every single day untill it's engraved in my mind.

Want people to think you're strong? Want people to be jealous of you? Want to be an alpha? Disappear for a whole year. Delete social media, just vanish, go grind the cash, research the stupid stock market and learn how to take in the easy cash by abusing the system. Come back loaded and successful by doing it the wrong way.

I have a relatively low paying job compared to all my previous friends. I flunked out of college and went my own way. I work double shifts and over time and in my spare time trade stocks and make side money. I did this for almost two years now. I can honestly say, I have more liquidity, more assets, and more free time than all my college educated popular alpha male friends who are sucking pussy because they are being manipulated.

Because I worked my ass off for my company I get about a month off PAID every year for someone who is relatively new. I know I can be replaced at work but I do a good job every day and feel great that I can do a good job and go home and have a good relationship with my coworkers rather than suck up to the corporate system that will work me to death for low salary pay. I get more sick time than my dad who has been in his industry for 30 years. I have a paid off car and planning to outright buy a house within the very near future. Not a single one of my friends can say that. Why? Because the live for women.

They drive expensive cars that cost a lot in insurance and taxes to impress women. They travel the world so they can post that shit online to impress women. They have expensive phones so they can impress women. The get 100$ hair cuts to impress women. They do everything to get some pussy.

I drive a Toyota. I am a PC gamer "nerd". I watch anime as well as live TV but I am a "weeb". I have never paid for a hair cut, my sweet mom still gladly does it so that I had an excuse to see her. I visit my grandmother twice a week and take care of her even though she doesn't necessarily need it, this isn't "cool" by today's standards. I don't eat out, I make my own food. I coupon like a single mom. I travel to places that I want to and do what I want. I'm only 5'6" so fuck the hose that want a tall guy. I'm not jacked and I honestly don't want to do that right now, cause if I do it will attract whores.

Want friends? Get a hobby YOU like and find people who think like you. Otherwise? Who needs friends. I don't have any, I just have these Reddit bros.

2016RubiconTN · 2019-12-05T16:33:33+00:00

Also for friendship, only hang out with people you perceive are better than you. Cut the rest. Don’t hang with assholes, losers or slackers. Sarcastic people suck the worst. Gyow

ValhallaBoundBoy · 2019-12-05T18:15:55+00:00

I had a similar situation recently. After my best friend died I went down this spiral. I was so needy, I couldn't stand how everyone else in my life was slipping away because of my grief. Soon I was all alone. My darkest moment was looking up an ASMR video of a guy who just sits there and talks about video games and thanks you for spending the night, just some shitty 'roleplay' video about the kind of friends I had when I was younger. I was crying while listening to it and I had to turn it off because I knew if I continued to listen to it I would get trapped in a fantasy and stopped growing, stop dealing with my grief.

At work I heard several co-workers 'shit talking' another employee. The sad thing was that the way they described him was as a good friend, but one who expected people to take him seriously in regard to making plans and such. In LA there isn't a lot of loyalty to friends in my experience. People don't care about your time and they have no problem making plans then just not showing up and acting like /you/ are the problem for not having several back up plans in place. This employee was not like that.

So I just started chatting with him. We had similar aspirations in film and got along fast. He, like me, is very sentimental, and not afraid to be so. There were so many qualities I adored about him, and I couldn't quite place my finger on it. After a few weeks, I realized that these were things I used to love about myself, qualities that had slipped away because of the grief. I felt very sad one night, thinking about how I had changed and how I wanted to just go back and be that person I was.

But there was this odd moment of clarity. It was like a dam had been broken down in my brain and suddenly all of this important information started flooding through me. I was that person, I had just stopped appreciating those qualities because, like those co-workers who shit-talked the other employee for being like this, other people weren't appreciating me. But if I could look at this person and love everything about them, even their flaws, then why couldn't I do the same for myself?

And in that moment, I did. Since then, things have been a lot better. Everything sort of just fell into place all at once with that. I still have a long way to go with my grief (I am of the opinion some people are irrevocably changed by it, and it seems I may be one of those people), but I am happy again. I no longer want to kill myself. I no longer want to kill myself. When I see a problem now I see a challenge. When something falls from the sky and hits me I don't add it to the list of reasons why the day needs to end, I just laugh.

The point of this long wall of text is to hopefully plant the idea in your head that you aren't a shell of your former self, you are just judging yourself differently than you were before. It's not a matter of becoming a person you would be proud of, but rather learning to be proud of who you are. That doesn't mean you can't improve as well. But honestly, how can you become proud of who you are somewhere down the road if you can't even acknowledge the good in you right now?

Thanks for listening to my ted talk.

Gladstone61 · 2019-12-05T22:59:42+00:00

I would begin by saying, do not give respect where it has not been earned. Many people confuse common courtesy for respect, and they are vastly different things.

At this point, I would feel safe in saying your "friend" has told this chick about your interest, and both will hold that over your head as long as possible. Step aside and wish them well, as neither have shown themselves worthy of your respect.

Instead, I would suggest you spend your time evaluating what YOU value and respect. What can you do to make yourself the best you can be. Don't sweat the one that gets away, it's infatuation, not love. It's the idea of what she COULD represent, not what she actually is that makes your heart go pitter-pat.

Study, with out, take up martial arts, whatever works for you, to pass your time, and eventually you will become happy enough with what you are that you won't worry about what someone else thinks at all.

KingLeft · 2019-12-05T15:09:08+00:00

With friends like that who needs enemies.

Title	Help a fellow brother
Author	opopm12
Upvotes	24
Comments	31
Date	December 5, 2019 9:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/e6esav/help_a_fellow_brother/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/help-a-fellow-brother.384871 https://theredarchive.com/post/384871

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