Not sure if this is welcome, but I'll try. Throwaway account.

I've been reading this sub on and off for the last few months. I am a guy in my early thirties. I've never been married, but was in a committed relationship with an older woman for a few years. She caused so much turmoil in my life and cost me so much time, effort, stress, and money, that you could easily consider me "divorced". Been through several "I'm pregnant" moments, which were attention seeking attempts or manipulations to trap me (which was surprisingly stupid considering her age), have done many favors for her both in private and professional life, paid for a lot of stuff, "lent" her money. The full deal. It nearly broke me, but I recovered and started to look for answers - why did it happen? What did I do wrong? Could I have avoided all this? Is there hope for something better?

I know for a fact it could have been avoided. I was not emotionally healthy so I accepted damaged goods. Looking back I had many opportunities for a much better deal with much more valuable women (younger, healthier physically and mentally), but due to my own limitations and state of mind, I was never able to convert these opportunities into actual relationships. I let my ex lie to me even though I could feel in my gut she is making a fool of me. I traded peace of mind for intimacy and it was not a good deal. Fortunately, I decided to leave, although way later than I should have. It motivated me to address my issues. Been through therapy. It's much better now - I know who I am, what I want and what I will and will not allow. Looking back I can see how broken I was - the damage was done in childhood and it impacted everything afterwards. So that's the good part. I also dealt with emotional baggage. I no longer spend hours replaying memories of horrible situations in my mind. I suppose my subconscious was trying to extract information from past events, but it was draining like hell and it didn't seem to achieve much. With a few counseling sessions I managed to do just that. It's a win-win: I got my answers and peace of mind. Highly recommended and don't give up on it after the first try - I found the right therapist on my second attempt.

I still have no answers to some questions though. I don't know if what happened would happen again regardless of what kind of person a woman is. Maybe, maybe not. So I can't go out and say "listen men, I have answers". What I can do, though, is make some observations based on content that is very often posted here:

  • If you are in your twenties or younger, you don't know shit about life. I am a bit older and still feel that I am just beginning to scratch the surface. So if you are feeling like you have seen it all because a girl monkey branched on you, think again. Stop with these "I opened my eyes, I will go mgtow me so wise now" posts, it's the male version of stunning and brave
  • All these "wahmen this, wahmen that" posts only prove that people who post them are not healthy. They are jaded and toxic. Take responsibility for your mental and emotional health. A healthy person, whether a man or a woman, will not get worked up about someone being an idiot. You just draw the line between your life and everything else. If the idiot in question tries to insert themselves into your personal space you eject them and life is good again. If you can't do that without foaming - get therapy. When done right, it works. It doesn't have to be with a male therapist. Contrary to what people post over here, not every woman is a retarded feminist. My therapist is a woman, she's done a great deal of work to help me and I have not heard one stupid remark from her. She never defended my ex, never tried to rationalize her actions or make me share the blame. Quite the contrary. So stop putting everyone in the same box. Just like there are idiot men, there are idiot women too. I would not want to be judged based off some idiot's actions, so why would I do that to another person just because they have different chromosome set. Let's be reasonable. Let people show you who they are and they will. Separate the wheat from the chaff. Rinse and repeat
  • I accept most of the criticism of the modern western female that is pointed out on this sub. However, I think there is a lot of focus on extreme cases and there is this assumption that these extremes represent the general rule. I don't agree with that. Sure, female nature is constant, just like male nature is. It's clear what happens when it goes haywire, as I have experienced myself. It's not pretty. Would I want to go through this again? No. Does it always happen? That's a million dollar question. I am of the opinion that like with everything in life, it's all about finding the right balance. Maybe all women nag and do shit tests. Quite possible. But maybe some of them do it all the time and others just once in a while. Perhaps the latter would be acceptable if she brought something valuable to the table. Dismissing it all outright is not reasonable imho
  • "people are beginning to wake up" is my favorite cringe over here. Just because you became aware of something doesn't mean everyone else was blind to it too. It's very nicely disarmed by other posts, where people share quotes from great thinkers of the past. If Caesar Augustus or Nietzsche nailed it back then, why do you think "people are beginning to wake up" just now? It's just silly. Human nature is constant. For every person that becomes aware of the reality there's two fools who turn away from it - one was just born, the other one just doesn't want to see

Alright, that's it for the criticism and reservations. Let me talk about some things I've learned here that I consider helpful and constructive:

  • It's shocking how retarded divorce laws are in most western states. So perhaps legally marrying is not a good idea. Also, be mindful of relevant laws, you can be considered married even if you aren't in some circumstances. Not good
  • I realized and accepted that if I end up deciding to try again and maybe marry at some point (hypothetically), I will have to have a plan to secure my wealth. It seems that prenups are not very reliable. Maybe it's an idea to keep some of the wealth "offshore" (it's a loaded term, hence the double quotes). Maybe I will need some kind of company or trust. Or a network of legal entities. People do it all the time to optimize their taxes legally, perhaps it could be utilized to secure the wealth from divorce rape. Right now I am a firm believer in keeping everything to my name, as legal entities are inherently tied to a specific legal framework and are difficult to move, while I can hop on a plane, make a bank transfer and be on my way. I don't know the details yet, but I know I will have to look into this. Just like I don't believe it's reasonable to dismiss all women and all relationships, I don't believe in buying into them without any safety nets. Not anymore. So that's my understanding of what common sense is: no black or white solutions. The world is all about shades of gray
  • MGTOW helped me understand how many people out there are simply mentally ill. It's not even funny. The left is a mental ward at this point. It's sad especially for someone who went through therapy
  • As mentioned earlier, I appreciate quotes from the wise of the past. It's good to know nothing is new under the sun - if the issues are timeless, then solutions are timeless too

Anyway, it's getting a bit long. Hope my thoughts are of at least some utility to somebody.

Cheers