'What the fuck am I doing with my life?' My mind was struggling to function properly, I'm tired as fuck, but this thought manifested and completely baffled me.

Here I was, 4:00AM in the morning sitting outside a strange house, trying to get my dick wet with an obese ugly girl I didn't even get along with, competing with my drunk ""wingman"" who had decided he was so thirsty for pussy he (either consciously or subconsciously) actually wanted to break the bro code and steal this fat husk of a woman from me.

I am going to the gym 3-4 times a week, meditating 20 minutes a day, grooming myself immaculately, writing field reports and contemplating how to improve my game daily, and going out to bars and nightclubs 3-4 nights a week.

And my reason for this? Why do I do all these things, spend so much time and willpower into these activities?

To put my dick inside mindless thots, some of the most pathetic human beings on Earth who live to take selfies, listen to the top 10 trending songs on YouTube, don't put even 1/100th of the effort I put into personal health and fitness. The sex I enjoy with them is a fleeting moment. The only reason I enjoy their company before fucking them is the thought that I might soon be fucking them.

It's wasn't even for the sex. I was also being driven by validation. For the "glory" of fucking ugly 6/10 whores who, in their drunk whorish state, would have opened their legs for any other good looking guy in their general vicinity if I had not been there. I would post pictures of the girl I fucked to all my friends, and I would add +1 to the tally of girls I've fucked, convinced that if I fuck 100 girls then I would accept myself as being a cool and successful guy.

Yes there were the 8/10s and 9/10s, yes there were some sweet girls who made it incredibly easy for me to have great no strings attached sex with them, but this lifestyle HAS NEVER BEEN WORTH ALL THE BULLSHIT.

4 years of serious commitment to PUA and what do I have to show for myself?

Pussy? Yes

A job? No

A car? No

Friends? If you count thirsty wingman who will throw you under the bus for pussy, yes.

My own apartment? No

Good grades? HELL NO

I'm sitting here in the cold night air, waiting for this fatty to smoke her cigarette, while my drunk friend gets inbetween myself and her. I'm so fucking tired and I just want to sleep. I just want to put my dick inside this girl and go the fuck home. I am so close to getting her in a bed. I've put in so many hours trying to fuck this girl, I just have to hold out for 10-20 more minutes and get rid of my friend.

Then it all clicked in my head. 'What the fuck am I doing with my life?' I got an uber home and went to sleep.