Dear MGTOW and Lurkers,

TLDR: I'm seriously thinking about getting a divorce, how should I tell her and how do I deal with the possible fallout with my conservative parents who I'm close with?

Some background: wife and I in our mid-20s, high school sweethearts, best friends, and only broke up once briefly while dating. Saved ourselves for marriage like good little Christians but did some regular teenage messing around. I wanted to wait till 25 to get married but the thirst was real and she wouldn't give more so I caved and proposed. Married for over 2 years now; no kids even though she has baby rabies. She makes more money than me but also has about 3X more student loans. She now wants to quit her job in the field her and her family took so many student loans to fund. Instead, she wants to start a career that can be worked from home (she at least knows what that is and is training towards it).

We've had issues since day one of marriage, didn't successfully consummate our marriage till 5 days in. She was super shy about sex and said because of church teaching she saw it as dirty and bad. I also suspect possible abuse in her childhood but I don't have any concrete evidence. Our first year of sex life was nothing but once a week missionary with her being a starfish. To say I was discouraged is an understatement. I felt bait and switched by her and frankly God. Because of this, the religious side of me has been slowly dying. The only reason I stayed was because pretty much everything else was good that first year, and there was probably some sunk cost fallacy influence.

This is when I started listening to Tom Leykis again (I briefly binged his stuff in college). That led to red pill then MGTOW content. We've argued a lot more since I secretly started consuming MGTOW content because I have more of a back bone now. I got her to expand her sexuality and actually put forth some effort, but it's still very limited.

Other than sex, we struggle in two other areas: control and spending/keeping appearances. She claims to desire to be a good christian wife but when it comes to submitting to something she disagrees with its always a long verbal wrestling match that leaves me exhausted and sometimes its inconclusive because she won't give in. For example, we had a period during our second year of marriage where we would argue more than once a week. It was basically me feeling under served sexually and her pushing for a baby. During those three months I told her we needed to see a counselor almost every fight but she would say no. It finally ended with me giving her an ultimatum: I won't have a baby till we see a counselor. She responds by basically saying "Ok fine" but she demanded the counselor be a female.

That still pisses me off, the fact that it took an ultimatum for her to listen to her husband who genuinely wanted there relationship to improve. I never scheduled the counseling session because I was shell shocked. I would think to myself "Wow, is this what marriage is? No wonder men are going MGTOW!"

The red pills I had been passively ingesting opened my eyes to her feminist controlling bitch attitude. Ever since then it's been a steady down hill process of inner debate on whether I should file for divorce and live a free MGTOW life OR stay with her because I want kids someday.

I think I'm finally ready to call it quits, but whats holding me back is knowing I'll hurt this person who I've known and built some great memories with for the past 8+ years. I don't know if it's because I'm still kind of purple pill or what but I still genuinely care for her. Strangely, almost like a father or older brother especially since she acts like a child 80% of the time. We have traits of a codependent relationship too, with me enabling her immaturity at times.

I am also hesitant because I know my parents will be devastated. They love her and want grandkids. My Dad is stubborn and I could see him holding this against me and bringing it up until I get married again (NOT HAPPENING).

I've gotten to the point where my work productivity has tanked because I'm so unmotivated about my future if I stay in this relationship. Why would I build wealth and have kids if they could be stripped away at any minute?!

How should I do this?? My current plan involves finally scheduling a counseling appt where I tell her; that way there will be a witness if she has a meltdown and tries anything crazy. Also softening my parents up by being honest and telling them we're having a tough time.

Thank you all for your contributions to this reddit page. You have no idea how many men and boys you're helping!