De-pedastalizing your parents

ParalyticPoison · 2019-06-13T02:41:57+00:00

It may be very difficult, but it is an extremely freeing experience when you finally start looking at your parents just as you do everyone else.

thepacote · 2019-06-14T20:07:01+00:00

I have no contact with them its been 20 years. It is not what I wanted when I was younger, they worked really hard to make it really easy.

Platinum247365 · 2019-06-13T16:21:15+00:00

This might sound blue pilled, but gathering and holding onto animosity towards your parents/immediate family members does not accomplish anything. I consider my father a beta, but I still respect him because he's my father. We've had ups and downs.

The_other_account22 · 2019-06-13T15:58:45+00:00

My dad was the main male role model I had while growing up, and he's definitely not a bad role model to have. He's ridiculously intelligent and hard-working. He has a bachelor's in Electrical Engineering with a minor in computer science and has never been unemployed. He's financially savvy enough to be retire by age 55, and very honest and principled. However, he has very few commonly masculine interests and is both the personification and perfection of the "Poindexter."

He has absolutely zero interest in sports of any kind. He hasn't touched beer in decades and the amount of alcohol he's consumed since graduating college in 1987 would probably fit in a two-liter soda bottle with room to spare. He was one of the first people to buy the 1st-generation Toyota Prius in 2001 which he still drives to this day, and before that he drove a Toyota Tercel for more than 15 years. My mother is the first and only person he's ever dated.

My mother didn't exactly help my situation by forbidding any movies, TV shows, games, and music in the house she deemed to have no educational value. That included just almost everything guys typically find entertaining. She forced me into the school band for over eight years even though I hated it, never practiced, and was never any good. All the while I got zero support and even some discouragement when I openly expressed interest in sports, where boys often find more male role models and socialize with other boys in a masculine manner. By the time I had the stones to leave school band regardless of what my parents thought, I was a junior in high school, too skinny and weak for most sports, had an iron-clad reputation as an anti-social nerd, even fewer masculine traits than my dad, never dated a girl or even had the faintest idea of how to approach one, and all my friends were more or less like me.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate my parents. They're great people and I love them. They did a lot of things right with me and the fact that I can fit all my complaints about my upbringing into a slightly-longer-than-average reddit post means they did pretty damn well. They taught me a lot about responsibility and accountability and I respect and appreciate them. But they're still people. Yes, they're imperfect, just like me and just like every other human that ever lived. And even then, it's not their imperfections as parents that caused problems. It's the fact that the world they grew up in is long gone. The old-school, straight-laced approach to life just won't work as well for me as it did for my dad. In some ways I think my parents saw this coming, and intentionally didn't teach me their old-school ways for some parts of life.

Parents can't teach you everything. No matter what era you're born in, there will always be some things you have to figure out for yourself.

truespirit89 · 2019-06-13T13:16:23+00:00

Actually it has been my older siblings and older cousins I’ve had to realize are just people. I used to think they could do anything and we’re emotionally strong. But now I realize they’re just people.

Dissentient · 2019-06-13T07:56:39+00:00

I never had much respect for authority since early childhood. I went along with it because I didn't have the power to make my own decisions, but it has always been obvious to me that a typical adult isn't significantly more mentally mature than most teenagers.

Yasai101 · 2019-06-13T07:26:37+00:00

I had a very clear experience that changed my view of my parent and adults alike. When I was in my late teens I got into Christopher Hitchens and science a lot. I was in a curious state of mind at the time. One day my family and some friends went to the zoo, by the end of the day we were all exhausted. I was the youngest among all of them. I decided to ask everyone about evolutoon and if they believed it was true. When all the adults including my parents gave the most bizarre blank faces trying to explain that evolution is bullshit is the day that I lost respect to the average adult. Remembering a quote from George Carlin "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are dumber than that."

batfish55 · 2019-06-13T05:00:13+00:00

It was weird realizing that your parents were just dumb kids having kids. Even worse is realizing that just because they're older, it doesn't mean they've grown or matured or know better. That last bit applies to everyone, not just your parents.

FluoroquinolonesKill · 2019-06-13T04:35:50+00:00

All parents have children for their own pleasure; not for the sake of the child. Therefore, the child owes the parent nothing; the parent owes the child everything.

Choosing to have a child, is, in itself, a most selfish act. It is ripping a sentient life into existence, which will then be subject to all the pressures and pains of a human life.

No one pictures their baby dying of cancer or heart disease, yet that’s how most people die.

No one pictures their baby toiling away in a meaningless and underpaying job, yet that’s how most people work.

Fuck parents.

CalmElk · 2019-06-13T04:32:18+00:00

I realized that just because someone is your family doesn't mean they have your best interests at heart. I wasted a lot of time trying to please my parents and society and lost a lot of time that I will never get back. If I hadn't had such a dysfunctional relationship at home I wouldn't have spent so much time trying to find unconditional love from a unicorn and I would have gone MGTOW earlier.

DonMelbourne · 2019-06-13T04:18:58+00:00

Attributed to Mark Twain:

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

Learn from your parents, even if from their negative experiences.

DJDickJob · 2019-06-13T03:55:00+00:00

This thread is some solid r/raisedbynarcissists shit. I'm on the same page with you guys though about these bitch ass parents that think they're so high and mighty because of their self-perceived superiority.

locomotronn · 2019-06-13T03:48:18+00:00

Going through this about my father. It’s rough. But it’s making me stronger

chalchium · 2019-06-13T03:04:37+00:00

I am in a more extreme case. My parents fell out of love somewhere when I was in high school. The older I got, the more I realized how dysfunctional, destructive and abusive they are (to me or to each other). We are hardly on speaking terms. I did not have a "break-up" session, unlike some rubbish self-help books recommend, but I avoid them like plague.

I think the hardest part is to accept that you have a family that make you miserable, or even worse you wish you were never born. Most people have been home-sick or missing home in their lives. For me, this feeling is very alien. I would stay anywhere but home, even now I am reaching 30. Home is my first place to run away from. This is extremely hard to swallow.

Another thing that was hard was trying to stop helping them. In the beginning, I was trying hard to reconcile, telling them that certain things they did or said really hurt me, and some of their other behaviours were harming themselves. I wanted to help them. They are the only families I have, as I am the only child. My mother is the queen of gas-lighting. Whatever I said would always be spun as my fault. My rage was so great I really wanted to punch them in the face at one point of time. In the far future, I cannot leave them on the streets to die when they are really old and sick. But gosh I wish I can avoid such dysfunctional people forever.

GlobalAsshat · 2019-06-13T02:53:59+00:00

My mother was rather cold to me growing up.. she was not affectionate and playful, and my father, though I love him, is a beta.. he just is. On the plus side they are both somewhat awake as far as politics and the world is concerned. I can have stimulating conversations with them and I don't fault them for the way I was raised.. they couldn't know any better.

lucaitalia96 · 2019-06-20T18:20:11+00:00

i have already done, is on of the best things you can do in your life

Title	De-pedastalizing your parents
Author	TheImmortalLegion
Upvotes	26
Comments	22
Date	June 13, 2019 2:39 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/c00abk/depedastalizing_your_parents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/de-pedastalizing-your-parents.813167 https://theredarchive.com/post/813167

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