I’ve posted before and I’ll be honest when I say my bitterness comes out on the subject. I’m 27 years old and when I was 20 I had 2 kids. 2 different women. 1 of them I knew about the other was a complete surprise. Had no idea she was pregnant until she gave birth and said I’m the father. Turns out I was. So I had 2 kids 5 months apart. I would like to be honest and say that back then I was a complete wreck. Self destructive behavior. Poor decision making. Low self esteem. I got in trouble with the law often as well. Spent 6 months inside a camp and 5 years on felony supervised probation. One thing led to another and before I knew it my life was a complete disaster. I’m being honest about my bullshit because I don’t believe you can ever grow if your not honest. The mothers of my children completely isolated me from them and I haven’t been able to speak to my kids in years. I was kinda tortured with the idea of being able to have a relationship with them. The moms would do things such as ask for money and promise to let me talk to them if I gave it... then would ghost me until they wanted something from me again. They would send me pictures of their new boyfriends holding my daughters. They would literally laugh at my tears. Now I fully understand that I was not a good boyfriend. I can see that. Clearly. But at this point in my life I simply want the pain to go away. Thoughts of suicide come almost daily and my self worth is at a all time low. I stay in shape. I’ve been kickboxing and wrestling for over 10 years. Sometimes I’m so bitter that I abuse those skill sets that I’ve acquired. I’ve been known to “punk” people out and even put my hands on people. I simply don’t have a great reputation. I’m looking for help because I really just don’t like myself. I’m so bitter that I honestly feel like my kids are better off without me at this point. Before anybody says “get a lawyer” I just wanna say you don’t understand what kind of money I’m up against and how hard it is to even survive while paying child support. I simply feel low as fuck every day and I lash out on people who may have just done something small. I’m over it. I want to be happy but Idk how. Asking for advice from anybody who has been in a similar situation. How did you overcome it?