Depression and Apathy

alphabeta49 · 2015-07-01T16:48:48+00:00

I can't find this "inspiration" that others seem to find.

Some people use inspiration and motivation, but I've found that those things don't last very long. If I'm relying on an emotion that comes and goes to accomplish a difficult task, I will fail.

I use discipline. That is the strongest quality that outlasts inspiration or motivation. I'm not always motivated to go to the gym, or even get out of bed. Shit, my workout this morning was the first in several days because I was not DISCIPLINED. When I look at myself in the mirror and want to be in better shape, the motivation is there. The discipline gets me out of bed an hour and a half early. That's what I'm working on. Fuck motivation. Discipline is what you need.

Another guy on this or the main sub said that he doesn't make habits, he makes rules. Good habits are hard to form, elusive, and difficult to define. Rules are concrete, you won't be obsessed with how much progress you're making or not making, and you won't be able to make excuses to the rules like you can to yourself.

Take what works for you, but I wouldn't make a decision based on how motivated or inspired a technique makes you.

Sepean · 2015-07-01T18:54:02+00:00

The main thing to realize is that effort sucks. There's no magic trick anyone can give you that makes it not suck. Accept that your life is going to suck most of the time. It will not be fun.

Your choices are to either do things that suck and then feel good about yourself afterwards, or to be a loser. Your pick. Eventually you will build discipline and mental strength and that will make it feel like it sucks less.

A small trick that works is the Beeminder app and website though. Check it out, it is awesome.

UEMcGill · 2015-07-01T19:24:02+00:00

I'm willing to put in the work, it's just things never seem to stick.

This right here tells me everything. You are lacking in abundance mentality, and to a lesser extent, outcome independence. You feel cornered and beat, that no matter what you do, you're bound to failure.

Stop, reframe the view. Thomas Edison didn't have 1000 failures making the light bulb, but he found 1000 ways to not make it. Don't think of things as pass/fail. Think of everything as "data for analysis, and change management"

So you did the tough mudder, but you didn't like the follow through on training. That's not a failure, that's data that says you don't like that kind of training.

Me, I've failed the gym more times than not. But what I didn't really like was the structure. Now I've found Crossfit, and even more so lately Olympic lifting. It wasn't that I didn't like the regular gym, it was that I didn't like the programs they offered. Now I've truly fallen in love with Oly Lifting.

So my answer to you is don't be afraid to quit. Don't be afraid to fail, in fact embrace that shit! Just like approaching a woman, telling your wife you want to fuck her, or asking for a raise, you don't know what the outcome is until you do it. Once you have it, look at it like "how would I do it differently next time?" instead of "I failed again". Opportunities are limitless.

hamsterbaiting · 2015-07-03T18:40:03+00:00

Read This Post Talk to your Dr. Check your T level, TSH(thyroid), Depression/M3 (as in my earlier reply) and maybe blood sugar and lipids.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-07-01T16:32:04+00:00

You seem to lack motivation and discipline. In order to better motivate/help you need to tell us what is it that you want - short term, long term, from life?

strategos_autokrator · 2015-07-02T07:37:21+00:00

What are some things I can practice to learn that mental endurance

Join a martial arts club, something with plenty of sparring. Boxing, MMA, BJJ, they are all popular in TRP, but what matters is that the instructor is good, and that you spar.

The scariest thing is to go the first day. After that, just promise yourself you won't miss a class for 3 months. Motivation is irrelevant, just go, discipline is what matters. Go when you feel like you don't want to. Go when you have better things to do. Just go.

You will get your ass kicked. Accept that, it is normal. Know that for every ass whooping you get in class, you become stronger that some other guy on the street that isn't training. Accept that you learn more from losing than from winning. Treat your sparring partner as nice teachers, thank them for the whooping, and ask them for pointers.

I started as the weakest and smallest in my BJJ class. I struggled for every breath, and felt scared, exhausted, dead, and even more weak. But with time things started to click. I can survive most fights without feeling helpless. I can even tap some people that have more time than me. Not all the time, but sometimes. Even the size disparity (many guys are 70lbs bigger than me) feels less important now, as I'm feeling more confident every fight. I still lose most of the time, but it feels irrelevant to me now, as seeing my own improvement is motivation enough for me to keep going. Even if I don't win, I just focus on learning something, trying something new, and asking questions. Where did my confidence come from if I'm still weak and lose so often? Because I stopped being afraid of losing, I got used to it, and from this Outcome Independence, I internalize that the fear just is, that I have to just keep the discipline, and I will improve. And from that improvement, motivation followed. Now I'm hooked on this thing, I wish there were more classes every week I could go to.

Why do I suggest this? Because, first of all, independent of anything, with time, you will start to feel stronger than before. Men are biologically wired for this stuff. We need these competitive stuff, it is fun, and it makes us feel more valuable. It takes time, but you will feel great with this. You will bond with these other men as part of the dueling ritual, and as NMMNG insist, you must have circles of male friends. You will feel more valued, you will focus on your improvement. You will make good friends. In the end, you will feel motivated. And with time, you will internalize you can kick ass.

But note that thinking that first you need motivation and then discipline follows is getting it all backwards. It is the other way around: discipline first. How do you run a marathon? By first running half a mile one day, and then, another day running a bit longer, and then another day running a bit more, and soon after, having a complete training plan. What makes you run the marathon isn't the motivation, is the discipline to train.

I heard from Bas Rutten (MMA legend) that one of his favorite books was The War of Art by Pressfield. This book is so good I feel it should be required MRP reading. It focuses precisely on how motivation is irrelevant, what matters is discipline. The author's experience is writing scripts for Hollywood, but if Bas found value in it in his life, I'm sure you can adapt it too.

Often, we think that if we had inspiration, we would find value in life, and do stuff for it. This is a passive stance, and false. We make value in life. That is, we do stuff first, for the sake of doing it, and then, with time, we find how these things we made change how we perceive ourselves.

victi_vicimus · 2015-07-02T14:40:40+00:00

You are never going to feel like it.

I tell myself over and over again that I'll have to devote enough energy to get started. Then I get up and do "it" or a least a small step toward "it". Then I do another small step. You can, too.

marvelousmorg · 2015-07-02T23:43:33+00:00

Build more habits. If there is something you want to do/be, build up habits that will facilitate that.

Bellum00 · 2015-07-02T12:25:09+00:00

Stop caring about how you feel and keep doing what is needed.

The mind is running obsolete programs. Ignore it. It will tell you it's a bad idea to go rolling, even though you feel great after. It will tell you it's a good idea to eat McDonald's, even though you feel like shit after.

3000km hike worked wonders for me. One step at a time, one day at a time, and before you know it you're there. Just like life.

Title	Depression and Apathy
Author	jessalon
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	July 1, 2015 4:29 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3bro0k/depression_and_apathy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/depression-and-apathy.201567 https://theredarchive.com/post/201567

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