I was worse than a beta male. Through all my fuck ups in life the biggest has been not having the balls to know what I wanted out of life and to take action and make it reality. I have spent the last 10 years of my marriage letting life happen to me. Now that I’ve woken I’m on week 10 of progressive overload training. 10 weeks ago was the first time I’d ever stepped foot in a gym. I started at 148 lbs and I’m at 160 not all muscle but I was looking sickly at 148lbs

Im learning STFU and IDGAF I’m taking responsibility for my past fuck ups. Currently I’m finding the anger phase for me comes and goes as I will randomly start dwelling on all the time I’ve wasted and can’t be given back where I could have been happy. My sex life has gone from once every other month to 2-3 times a week.

My wife has a hysterectomy scheduled next week and her anxiety and worry has caused sex to completely stop and that’s fine I’m going to be the rock in her turbulent seas. My thoughts have been centered on the fact that if they can’t save her ovaries and she’s thrown into menopause. I’ve wasted 11 years and now that I’m actually growing up my wife may come out of this hormonally castrated. Is it her fault? No. Am I supposed to go back to the status quo with a dead bedroom? Also no. Do I have what it takes to not accept a dead bedroom for reasons out of my control? This is what I keep mulling over and over and over.