TL;DR MRP is not just about being alpha, but about leading our women and calibrating between alpha and beta traits to effectively lead within our relationships.

A lot of guys come here, read a few field reports, maybe tackle the sidebar readings, and decide that STFU, AM, AA, and leaving the house over a small incident is the way to go. And that’s just the guys who do this and come back to report about the problems they now find themselves in. It is likely that many more sorry sons-of-bitches take this “advice,” have it blow up in their face, give up and either have the relationship fall apart or decide that the advice given here is wrong and they are destined to live a life of betadom and misery.

The main thing they are missing is leadership. In most cases, they most likely did not take the time to digest the sidebar reading. The three prerequisites, while easy reading (for the most part), will take time to absorb and reveal the layers us AFCs are hiding behind. Reading a book, then leaving the house unannounced because your wife told you what she made for dinner and you were mad because you, the Alpha of the House, didn’t get to decide whether you wanted steak or chicken for dinner (how dare she!), and STFU’ing her attempts to figure out what happened when you return four hours later, is not what MRP is about.

MRP, more than TRP, is about growing as a person who assumes leadership within a particular kind of relationship: a marriage or LTR. No More Mr. Nice Guy is about self-leadership. When I Say No I Feel Guilty is about the tools for leadership, both of self and of others. Married Man Sex Life Primer is about leadership of your relationship. My journey began when I found NMMNG. I don’t even remember how I ran across it; just that I was unhappy with things and searching, and, as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Most of the guys who end up here need to start with NMMNG because they don’t even know how to lead themselves. You cannot lead your wife or your kids or your relationship if you cannot lead yourself. It won’t happen.

For that reason, MMLSP, in my opinion, should be read only after NMMNG has been absorbed. If NMMNG helps you move past your beta bullshit towards being more of an “alpha” in your life, the key aspect of MMLSP is that it teaches you how to calibrate between the two. The problem with a lot of guys is that they get a little bit of knowledge (fire), then burn the house to the ground by going “all alpha, all the time” without even understanding what that is.

MMLSP, without using these words, and notwithstanding his Captain/First Officer analogy, teaches us to calibrate between alpha and beta traits. This is emotional intelligence. What some of these guys fail to see is that they are not leading their wives by STFU’ing all the time, leaving the house, giving directives, and so on. They have been excelling in beta traits for so long that the only way they will bridge this gap is to use emotional intelligence and lead with vulnerability.

Last week, my wife was in bed all day, and at the end of the day was experiencing a consistent rapid heart beat along with low and then spiking blood pressure. A nurse’s hotline suggested she go to the hospital. I arranged for a friend to take her and I stayed home with the kids. If anything were to become serious, the friend would switch and come to stay with the kids and I would go up to the hospital. While there, she texted me that her dad (Beta King that he is) came up from two hours away to “help.” I became butthurt by this and my response when she got home was merely to make sure that her physical needs were taken care of—I got her to bed, got her a drink and some snacks, got the kids off to school, etc. But emotionally, I neglected her because of my own failure to be vulnerable, overcome my own BS, and give her the oxytocin, beta traits of care and comfort she needed. I failed this comfort test.

To early-phase guys, I was alpha—I took care of needs, she had what she needed, I oversaw it all, took care of kids. But I failed to lead, because I didn’t properly calibrate between alpha and beta traits. I didn’t practice emotional intelligence and I was afraid to be vulnerable because it would detract from the persona I was trying to project.

This is where vulnerability helps. We can only be vulnerable when we have the emotional capacity to know who we really are, and to know that an act of caring, of “love,” does not make us beta but calibrates the opposite poles of the relationship correctly.

For those who are making improvements but feeling that their wives are cold towards them, are you vulnerable? Are you practicing beta traits at all?

Review the first part of MMSLP and see in which areas you have been strong, but also in which areas you have been weak, and tweak your MAP to keep improving.