[FR] Finding comfort in AWALT

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-07-01T13:33:34+00:00

One instance of good sex doesn't signify a change.

It does, it shows she is evolving to meet the needs of this new RP, Masculine, desired Male.

Women become what they must to get what they want. They are great at it and don't even know they're doing it.

The significance of this for you? You are becoming a Man who deserves a slut wife. You've taken her off the pedestal signifying the vomiting of the blue pill and are treating her as the oldest teen, signifying the consumption of the Red Pill. The dread being laid by the coworker is icing on the cake, she sees that you are not a guaranteed thing and also that she can't compete with the younger chicks who want your dick.

Her response, textbook woman, she adapts and evolves from prude to slut wife, a win for you.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-07-01T15:13:28+00:00

Then this FR happened last weekend

Don't have to read further. Let me guess, you flirted with a hot girl in front of your wife a/k/a Dread Level 8 and she fucked you into a coma.....

Yep.

I'm still angry, but I think it actually might be possible to salvage this marriage.

It is not just possible, it is probable. The biggest danger to your marriage is your anger at her for the sexual desert. Don't blame her, bro. Like you said, AWALT. This is the time to reset the relationship. You have her attention. You have a DGNAF attitude. You are her Alpha now and...surprise...she is fucking you senseless. In short, she HAS THE DREAD.

I would start showing some affection- passing comfort tests- when you wife is sexing you up. Now is not the time to give up the ghost. Keep your IDGAF attitude, but recognize that victory is nigh!

Carry on Red Warrior!

thisisme0007 · 2015-07-01T12:58:53+00:00

Hey, maybe what worked for me won't for you but this video helped me release the anger.

Edit: this man died and was brought back after being hit head on by a drunk driver. He was told he would never walk again. His anger phase was real and genuine but he allowed himself 5 minutes of anger before moving on. He walked 3 weeks later.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-07-02T10:54:23+00:00

Glad you found some food for thought in my comments. Based on this most recent FR, I'll go ahead and give you a few additional observations on my end...

You mentioned keeping a journal and basically doing things like logging your wife's texts vs your texts while you were out of the country. I think you should consider that while this may have given you some interesting objective data, it also made you, well, resentful as hell. You were essentially quantifying just how much less of a shit your wife gave about you than you did about her, every single day. So...

I've been on a MAP for nearly 3 years and I never thought I'd get so low before starting back up.

Well, yeah. No shit. I really do think that this "log text message frequency and length" experiment basically led the most uncharitable perspective you could possibly have on your marriage. If you go back and read your FRs, they're all over the place man. Your last post you're cheering how your wife seems confused and yet your behavior "has nothing to do with her," then this FR is basically you're outlining behaviors you took explicitly because of her.

My wife is AWALT. Her responses fit the model and could have been predicted. And that means I have something to work with.

And to be honest, being pretty familiar with your saga at this point, I really think this is easily explained by your career.

You really dislike feeling more "emotionally needy" than your wife. The idea that you miss her when you're out of the country more than she misses you, that kills you. But consider the alternative situation. Consider your life if your wife was further down the line on the "emotionally needy" spectrum. She would miss you, yeah. You'd get no shortage of texts/IMs/Skype calls/etc.

But that communication wouldn't all be "I miss you honeybunny counting the days till you come home!" A lot of that communication would be resentment that you even considered a career that puts you out of the country for that much time. She would weaponize your kids against you, never hesitating to elaborately describe how your absence is making it hard for Little Jimmy, because his father isn't around for some Father-Son shit at school. You'd try and convince her that your career was necessary for the family, and you're making some damn good money, and she'd just sneer and say a real man wouldn't think money was a substitute for time with his family.

So you'd quit at her behest, thinking it would make her happy, and you'd take a much lower paying job, and then suddenly run into financial problems. Now your wife, who never hesitated to mention how much she didn't care about money if it meant not spending time with you, doesn't seem to want to spend that much time with you as the credit card interest stacks up and collection agencies circle.

So, yeah. Sure, it sucks when you're out of the country and your wife basically acts like, "eh, whatevs, I'll live." But when it comes to "baseline behavior," this is pretty much par for the course. Some guys have wives who are clingy as fuck and spend their whole time trying to sabotage their fitness/hobbies/friends/etc, out of some misguided idea that this is how a "real family man" acts, even as her husband's supplication just dries out her vagina. Other guys have wives like yours, who are more than fine with their husband's independence, because they're basically too self-involved to give a shit about anyone but themselves.

We all came here with a wife that was probably on one side of that spectrum or another. And I suspect, if you're honest with yourself, you deliberately chose a woman on a "respects her husband's independence but also doesn't particularly care about his needs/wants" side. You were probably in lovey-dovey relationships before you met your wife, and they were probably fun until they started feeling suffocating. You had an earlier FR where you commented that you were impressed at how much she stretched her meager income when you first met. It should not come as a surprise to you that people with the "responsible and capable of managing money" personality trait are often not found with the "emotionally empathetic and passionate."

My wife is AWALT. Her responses fit the model and could have been predicted.

No shit. on your recent FRs, your wife is capable of emotional distance, but I don't think she has some sort of dismissive-avoidant personality where she doesn't value her relationship with you at all. I think it's basically just her coping mechanism, her own version of stoicism.

Furthermore, your RP transformation is basically happening away from her. Swallowing the Red Pill sucks, but understanding the reality you live in has a lot of benefits in terms of acting on that reality. Until you finally got back to the US, you haven't really had a chance to act on that reality. Imagine Morpheus told Neo about the Matrix, and how he can now fly and dodge bullets, and then... doesn't let him actually re-enter the Matrix to save anyone. All he lets Neo do is is watch those vertical scrolling green code glyphs, and see all the humans walking around like sheep while robots leech off their actual bodies for energy. Neo would probably feel pretty angry, right?

So think about you staring at your spreadsheets about your wife's texting frequency, and Neo staring at those green glyphs. Think the analogy applies here?

I'm still angry, but I think it actually might be possible to salvage this marriage.

Yes. For fuck's sake, yes. That's my point. You're finally able to play in the Matrix with this new-found Red Pill wisdom. And you're finding it can actually be pretty goddamn fun. So why hang on to the anger? Keep working on improving your SMV, make the most of your time with your wife as she continues to react positively to your changes, and stop making spreadsheets about texting frequency and getting pissy about it.

Longer-term, think about your career, and whether you'd get more out of your life/marriage if you didn't have to "keep jacking out of the Matrix" (ie. leaving the country) for several months at a time. It makes no sense for you to follow a MAP for 3 years, then get pissy at your wife for not responding any differently to you when you spent 2.5 of those years thousands of miles away from her. Why is she supposed to react any differently around her stronger, fitter, more successful, more outgoing husband, when she barely gets a chance to witness and acknowledge those changes?

TL;DR: Keep enjoying leaping over tall buildings and dodging bullets, think about how you can put yourself in a position to do even more of that, and stop being pissed off your wife didn't realize Mr. Anderson became Neo when she barely got to see him over the years.

SorcererKing · 2015-07-01T22:03:07+00:00

See here for all your Anger Phase issues.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-07-02T01:42:51+00:00

I didn't make her decisions for her

Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-g mistake. The easiest way to alpha up in a LTR is to immediately make every. Single. Decision that she asks or even vaguely hints for you to make.

It's part of the "Women talk, men do" dynamic.

ZeeyardSA · 2015-07-01T14:08:55+00:00

She is still your Wife..Hold her hand man.

Title	[FR] Finding comfort in AWALT
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	14
Date	July 1, 2015 12:43 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3bqwnf/fr_finding_comfort_in_awalt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fr-finding-comfort-in-awalt.201575 https://theredarchive.com/post/201575

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