Yesterday I go running. I return. Sweaty. I knock and she opens the door. I go 90% she closes 10% and we kiss. Shitty pecks. Wtf. As she tries to step back, I grab around her waist and pull her in. 2 more pecks and she pulls away hard from me. I look at her for second, then go upstairs. As I go she says, "I was pulling away because you were sweaty." I responded, "The sweat's for you."

Mistake: I shouldn't have said anything. Frame weakened.

I get a wet washcloth and then go outside for a walk to cool down and dry off. I return 5 mins later. And go upstairs. I check computer: Work thing is done. I do some more work stuff and I hear, "Dinner is ready."

Go down to eat. Conversation with children and wife where applicable. Wife asks if I "want to go to store to pick outfits for the girls' photo shoot next weekend". I say "yes." (I have to. I set the thing up with my gorgeous photographer friend and my wife's eye for color scheming in photos sucks.) We go to store. I get the outfits. She gets a purse. She pays while I take my oldest daughter outside to talk about why she's being a little bitch today (she's 5, but was real lippy today.) We all leave.

At home, I go upstairs to shower. We get kids ready for bed, put them in bed and then I get in bed. She is already there by the time I get in. I’m shirtless. She's watching some bullshit on TV. I'm reading MRP posts on my phone. She's stroking my bicep, and then my forearm. She stops. I take my pants off (in underwear now) and get under covers. I'm done reading so I turn to her and look at her. She’s looking at me and away to the TV, and back and away.

Here is where my frame work gets dicey.

I lean in to kiss her and it's all half assed. I'm rubbing her leg and ass, and she's all starfish. I try to keep going for a couple of minutes but no. "I don't know what we're doing here." I tried to kiss her again... Same shit. "Yeah, I don't know what's going on so..." And then I started to pull away and leave the bed and she pulled me back and kissed me, better this time... I started to wedge my knee between her legs. I was rubbing her sides, the kissing calmed down. Her body language wasn't selling it. I decided to engage her further: "why were you rubbing my arm earlier?"

"I was feeling your muscle."

"You like that?"

"Yes."

"You know what you need to make those?"

"What?"

"Sweat."

Mistake: I took the escalation in the wrong direction –I made it negative. Frame weakened

"Is that what your hissy fit is about?"

“I don’t have hissy fits.”

Mistake: I accepted that what she said was legitimate by giving it an answer Frame weakened

"You've been in a mood all day since I got home. Because I asked for eggs (she asked me to make eggs for when she got home I make good eggs.) or whatever.”

"I was fine until after I got back from running... That upset me a bit; it's insulting and disrespectful. But I didn't really care. We had dinner, we went to the store, conversation was as normal."

"So sorry I don't want to bathe in your sweat; that I don't want to be covered in it. It was soaking through my clothes."

"You weren't wearing an evening gown; you had on workout clothes. I never shy away from you when you’re sweaty.”

Mistake: I’m feeding the troll here. Whatever frame I had is so withered as to not exist any longer. *Frame weakened.

I realized where I let her take me off track and attempted to recover:

“Eggs? You think I’m upset about eggs? I make good eggs. It took me 4 minutes. You came home, you said ‘hi,’ I said ‘hi,’ I gave you your eggs, you said ‘thanks’ I talked to [my youngest] about her day. Then I went up to work some more. If I don’t say anything, it just means I have nothing to say. You didn’t say anything either. I had to go work some more.”

“You were leading us around the doctor’s like a middle eastern couple while I carried [my youngest.] Running off miles ahead. I had the medical card not you.”

Improvement: she’s on the defensive, looking for a foothold. I ignored the ‘carried’ part. She can put the kid down… she can walk.

“We’re all going to the same place. I was leading us where we were going. I was a pace and a half at most. Where should I walk… abreast of you –right next to you in the hallway… directly behind you?”

Improvement: A&A makes her argument seem more ridiculous than it already is.

me again: “No, I walked ahead because we’re all going to the same place, and one of us has to be in front, and it was me.”

It was quiet for a moment

me again: “3 weeks ago, you were clearly upset. I asked what was wrong, you said nothing. I was willing to take that at face value… but then my little shit-goblin decided you may want me to figure it out. So I listened. And we had an argument. I won’t be making that mistake again. The problem, you said nothing, and wanted me to take that at face value. Earlier when you asked me if something was wrong, I said ‘no, I’m fine.’ You apparently didn’t accept that and went on with the rest of the day like something was wrong with me. And here we are now with me wondering why you keep changing the rules: You want me to accept when you say you’re fine, but you won’t accept when I say it; if you are going to want to be treated a certain way, then you need to accept that I expect the same from you about me. So when I say I’m fine, I’m fine.”

She was quiet for a moment. “okay.”

Improvement: She is further on the defensive after I spin her hamster wheel so fast the little guy spins with it- her hamster logic capitulates to solid reasoning.

“Now, how are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Good. Let’s make you better than fine…” She giggled a little, “… without the starfish impression.”

Improvement: Bring her into frame with light humor and sexual escalation.

Mistake?: ’Starfish’ statement at the very least stalls my progress, but identifies her childishness.

She looked at me like I was nuts for a split second, and then said, “I was rubbing your arm.”

“You were petting me absentmindedly like you would a cat, and you fell asleep at one point. That is not what I would call an overt sexual advance.”

She laughed a little.

Improvement: brought her into my frame with light humor.

“It’s just like when you stroke my arm and back when I’m turned over that makes me cringe.”

“But I’m up, awake, engaging you. My intentions are clear.”

Mistake: I’m allowing her negative comments into my space. Frame weakened.

I see an opening here… her hamster is back on its wheel and I need to spin that thing harder this time. “This is just like earlier, with ‘I’m fine.’ If you are going to tell me, that rubbing my arm is your sexual advance towards me, then rubbing your foot is magnitudes beyond that…”

Some background: Last month I rubbed her feet and I lead it to pretty good sex by segueing to rubbing her legs and everything else. 2 weeks ago she asked me to do it again. Thinking she was angling for sex, I complied. I rubbed her feet and tried rubbing other things and was physically rebuffed. Last night she asked again, "I heard you were going to rub my foot."

"Oh yeah, where did you hear that?"

"I just heard."

"I think you were misled."

"Come on, my friend needs to be rubbed."

“So does mine."

She giggled and tried to rub my cock with her foot, so I put my hand on her foot and she stopped. I removed it and she half-assed the cock rubbing once more. I poked her foot a couple of times and removed her foot from me. Since foot rubbing led to nothing last time, I'm not going to even go for it that time.

“That’s different, because…”

Improvement: I ignore the hamster, completely here.

“It’s not different. If rubbing my arm implies sex is going to happen, then rubbing your feet definitely means sex is happening; somebody is putting out after a foot rub.”

Improvement: equating her rubbing for sex with foot rubbing for no sex weakens her position

She looked at me for a second. Then went starfish again. Ignored the body language.

“Let’s try this again.”

“What. Kissing you?”

“Yes.”

Her body language is still weak, so I press myself into her as hard as possible. I moved her into me. I instructed the progression. I pulled her on me. She hates doing the work on top and I don’t care. I made her ride me until I came, rolled her over so the mess didn’t get on me, rolled over next to her and made her stay with me until she fell asleep (usually she tries to run straight for the bathroom.) No orgasm for her either. Lately I’ve started to care less and less about it –if she doesn’t care… why should I care?

I know that I could have avoided this whole thing and just left when her starfish body language made its appearance. In my RP “training” I haven’t gotten to this ability yet. I bought NMMNG last night too.