Religiosity as a function of SMV

SorcererKing · 2016-06-04T22:35:29+00:00

First, it seems that your title is inverted; you seem to be taking about SMV as a function of "religiosity."

Next, this is not you switching toothpaste brands or changing the furniture around. This is you exiting your entire previous social circle. Her family, all her friends, all the people at church believe and now you don't. That likely scares the shit out of her. On one level because your soul blah blah, on another, social isolation and ostracism, which is worse than death for the female.

In short, if the cult was your together thing and is still her thing but not yours, tell it goodbye. It's not some magic transference of God's alpha which is now taken away, it's your instant loss of social standing and pariah status in your social circle.

So, sorry for your loss, but there are greener pastures ahead.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-06-04T21:51:37+00:00

Your wife married a Christian man and this was of importance to her. You knew this. You decided you no longer believe her God. You knew she would be deeply torn with you after such a radical change of belief. You decided still to come out and tell everyone that you know longer believe their God.

So pretty much what one would expect to happen...happened.

Alpha, beta...whatever. You no longer believe in something that she stakes her literal afterlife on. You did you and decided to verbally let everyone know what doing you means. If this is the result you wanted, then it is what is and you should be fine with it.

Flathatter45 · 2016-06-05T02:50:06+00:00

Within the Christian community, is godliness and religion a major contributor to a man's SMV in the eyes of their wives? I think so.

I would say not. It does make you more attractive as a husband for obvious reasons, but its not generally something that generates tingles. A pious, godly man is Mr Dependable, not Mr. Exciting. if you had been an atheist and she married you anyway, that would have been one thing. But leaving the church in the middle, and even renouncing God.. man, that's a deal breaker.

Pinelero · 2016-06-05T02:05:00+00:00

You need to read Dalrocks blog. He is a religious RP guy that is always writing about religion and how it's being feminized. He also mentions BP straight laced guys being AF/BB used by religious females. In none of his writings have I seen anything about how hindbrain SMV factors (attraction, money, fitness...) are trumped by religiosity.

PurpleVeteran · 2016-06-05T03:58:15+00:00

We generally focus on the legal and social contracts of marriage here on MRP, but you are dealing with the religious component.

People who are raised in a strictly religious culture tend to either embrace it fully, or reject it (and generally leave or are pushed out). They also follow the gender roles espoused by that culture, and expect their spouses to as well. This is good when both of you are committed to your religion and culture, as it can curb certain ~~behaviors~~ sins associated with the more base instincts (hypergamy, cheating) better than social pressure alone.

But if you begin to question your faith, or worse, deny it outright, then perhaps your vows are not as sacred to you as hers are to her. What she thought of as your holy union is no more than words on a piece of paper (what a wake up call, right guys?). She will certainly begin to question your priorities, and your future life together, not to mention the afterlife.

a woman who in the beginning has attributed your SMV to your dedication to god.

That's the key point here. Part of her attraction to you was the belief that you shared the same faith, and now you've undermined that. It's actually hypergamy in action. This is just like the woman who marries an athlete, only to watch him become a fat slob... or marries a successful breadwinner, that loses his job and wallows in unemployment. Why should she stick around with you? And even if she does, what will her friends and family say? Think about it... leaving the church might seem trivial to you, but can be devastating to someone whose identity and relationships are all still wrapped up in that context and culture. To stay with you would be denying her faith and family.

So, that's all about her... what about you?

You have to define your priorities here, first for yourself as a man, and then for your wife as her husband. Do you still hold your marriage vows as sacred? Do you expect that she should leave the church, or are you willing to live with someone who holds a strong belief that you reject? What about your (eventual) children, would they be raised in the church as well? These are huge questions, but they are just the beginning.

Just like lack of sex or respect would kill a marriage for you, your lack of faith can kill it for her. There are too many differences in values and expectations. Atheism may not be a weakness to you but clarity, yet you've changed something at the heart of your relationship. You can be fit, masculine, and even deeply moral -- you can be a model husband that fully reflects the expectations of that culture -- but if you don't embrace faith, then she will never follow you as God commands her to. Is that what you want?

This disconnect between your frame and hers may be irreconcilable. The question then is, does your religion allow for divorce on these grounds? I suspect that marriage counseling with a member of the clergy will be suggested. You will both be put on the spot, by her family and by her church family, to make it work... perhaps to try and bring you back in the fold. Then you will need to decide whether to save the marriage (by going through the motions) or to end it (by sticking to your beliefs), because dragging this out will only hurt her.

Time to man up, one way or the other.

bogeyd6 · 2016-06-04T21:13:13+00:00

You basically described perceived SMV. The search function is over there >>>>>

2016-06-04T22:25:39+00:00

The case was made that these husbands do not have to rely as much on displaying alpha traits because the biblical version of God already satisfies these attributes.

What? That is moronic. BTW "religiosity" has a negative connotation that implies extremism. I guess it could cause tingles but doubt it.

Adderallabuse · 2016-06-05T03:20:03+00:00

If you lose a woman (or care that you lose a woman) because you no longer believe in God then you arent even close to as fit, confident, and attractive as you think you are.

You changed your beliefs right? And this created "issues" that you need help with?

The issue is you're not living in your frame.

In before biblethumpers have a stroke:

Had you said you recently found religion and it created issues with your atheist wife I woulda said same thing. You live in others frame.

When a woman has submitted then she will gleefully rob banks and shoot at cops with you.

Scurvemuch · 2016-06-05T12:13:40+00:00

All of your SMV comes from how you are perceived by the female of the social group you choose to align yourself with. If they care about X YZ... You better have XYZ straight. Also read up on he female social matrix and understand that one of the ways you provide value is through status. Loose status and loose everything

CaladhanBrood · 2016-06-05T14:44:53+00:00

I'm really not sure why this surprises you. We all have things which attract us to someone. For your wife, part of that attraction was your faith. You lost your faith, and with it that part of your attraction. Sure you might still have other parts which attract you to her, but they probably aren't as important.

~

Let's flip the script. Your wife's humour, submissiveness, nurturing skills are probably all things which attract you. If in a years time she became 20 stone, how would you react? If she was completely set at staying 20 stone would you still stay? If not why? Didn't you marry her for the woman she was? It's exactly the same, the only difference being in what you consider attractive vs what she considers to be attractive.

randomusername_815 · 2016-06-06T05:37:52+00:00

OP, most people here are responding from a more TRP perspective than the religious one. Here's my take (coming from some experience).

When you met, got married etc, she (and probably you, too) did all that in the firm conviction that this was Gods plan for your lives. God "brought you together" etc.

This was her special "thing that non-Christian marriages don't have" the thing that would keep you together when so many "other" marriages ended in divorce.

Now that you don't believe in God, but she still does, you need to decide whether what you've built with her is worth allowing her to have her beliefs and be fine with it.

You can either plant a flag on principle and accept no religiosity (most of the TRP advice here!) or carry on in your beliefs, allowing her to have hers. If you decide to carry on, be sure and let her know that you're with her not for the faith any more, but for other reasons I'm not saying in this sub!

Stick to your principles, be good without god, and I guarantee you 100% her desire for a steadfast husband/father to kids will win out against her faith. 90% if she has family and friends at her about being with you.

just some random thoughts.

reddit_already · 2016-06-06T21:42:01+00:00

This doesn't answer your question all the way but I'm absolutely certain that Judeo-Christian religion with its depiction of male leadership--God (and Christ) as all-powerful, all-knowing and ever-present... And with the Christ figure whose sacrifice, one is taught, makes him perfectly empathetic... is just about the most optimal blend of alpha and beta that one could envision. There may be no better mix of alpha+beta qualities in literature. (Doesn't the Book of Revelation in the NT even refer to God as "Alpha and Omega"?) And this optimal mix of traits does indeed carry more primal appeal to women than to men. This is why, in my own christian denomination, one typically sees more single female than single male believers--and from what I can tell, my own denomination is not unique in that ratio.

As an aside, this appeal, when observed by church leadership, sometimes encourages such leaders to (wrongly) conclude that women are innately more spiritual than men; that men are the more hard-hearted sex and need greater humility before becoming spiritually receptive. But nothing could be further from the truth, IMO.

But do these female-ready archetypes relieve a husband of needing to display alpha traits? I kind of doubt it in the end. It's true that most western religions are at least somewhat patriarchal. And the threat of heavenly expulsion for immorality--which is taught by most christian religions--likely makes women less likely to cheat. And indeed there might be some small element of psychological transference or projection of God-like attributes onto one's male husband or father. But at the same time that a wife may be spiritually satiated by heavenly alpha archetypes, that also gives her a benchmark or comparison for her earthly husband, a standard by which to hold or judge him. If I were in your shoes, I'd be watchful that your dropping out of your religion doesn't lead to some element of judgmental backfire.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-06-04T21:20:18+00:00

As for myself, I am a fit, confident and attractive man. I lift, dress well, make good money and own my masculinity. However, I have come to the conclusion that these things matter little in the eyes of a woman who in the beginning has attributed your SMV to your dedication to god. Has anyone else experienced these issues? And if so, how did you deal with it?

WHAT THE FUCK.

WHY THE FUCK YOU CARE WHAT MATTERS IN THE EYES OF THE WOMAN?

If I cared, I'd be drinking beer and smoking cigarettes right now. And I bet that would save my marriage. Would that be worth it?

What the fuck, man?

Of course - if she felt in love with you and you were religious - things can change when you tattoo an upside-down cross on your wrist and start telling everybody your god is Marilyn Manson now and the only gospel you listen to is sang by Die Antwoord.

But man, seriously, what the fuck?

You do you.

Jesus spent time with whores, Jesus was a leader, Jesus threw out all those guys selling shit from the church (and there was many of them and they were making money for a living, so he had to go berserk by that time).

Did he fucking care what people will say about him when he defended a whore? "if you haven't sinned, throw a rock"

Did he care about what all those Roman soldiers will say? He was leading men and he was dangerous enough to the system that they decided to kill him, using legal methods.

A fucking woman came and WASHED HIS FEET WITH HER OWN HAIR. ALPHA AS FUCK.

Religious? Want to follow him? You know what to do. YOU DO YOU.

Stop being a fucking coward and stop thinking "omg what will my mother AKA wife say".

Or, maybe, are you looking for an excuse not to lift? Because if it is so, it means you're fucking lazy. And, if you love God so much, you can not be fucking lazy. Religion doesn't matter. BTW, is there any religion telling you to be lazy?

Title	Religiosity as a function of SMV
Author	jaggedlittleredpill
Upvotes	3
Comments	50
Date	June 4, 2016 8:56 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4mk76v/religiosity_as_a_function_of_smv/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/religiosity-as-a-function-of-smv.199901 https://theredarchive.com/post/199901

Comments