Tl;dr: Why altruism is actually destructive and how selfishness can ensure happiness and well-being in relationships and society.

This info comes from the book, In Defense of Selfishness by Peter Schwartz.

Self-Sacrifice I've personally struggled with this as I'm sure many of you have. I grew up going to church and being told that sacrifice was the only way to a good life. As I've been reading here over the past year, I've had more and more problems with this idea.

We've been told that sacrifice means to give up something you want so that others might benefit. But the word is sacri - "sacred", and -fice -"make," to make something sacred or holy. It should really be about setting something aside as special, not giving something up because you're "supposed to."

Unfortunately, it sets up a ideal that if you give something up, someone else can have something. But it doesn't work like that. Sure, you might give up some of your time to lend a hand to someone else and that trade-off works. But if you give up some of your time to the wrong person who hasn't planned, you could be helping someone for an entire day on a job that could have taken a couple hours. That's when the equation breaks down.

We also think it will give us good karma or make us feel good. Usually, we realize that we should have said no to the person and spent time on something that really mattered to us.

This altruism of always giving up things for others can do more harm than good. Altruism and self-sacrifice are about subordinating yourself. This means you will be serving someone else. Serving someone else means you are at their mercy. You give up yours so others might have some. This means you're giving up what's yours to serve those who have less. But they many times have less because they weren't willing to do what was necessary to get more.

On example from the book was airlines allowing blind people to sit near exits in the name of equality. This puts everyone on the plane at risk because their life might depend on that blind person opening that emergency exit. But it's all in the name of equality and altruism.

This book also states that there are two kinds of people, those who have needs and those who make sure those needs are met. And we accept providing for the needy because we believe we should. Then we start to turn into a socialist society.

The self-sacrifice mantra can even go so far as to tell you what to believe (think): Happy wife, happy life; put everyone above yourself; etc. In the end, we give up on deciding things for ourselves and just give in to the group around us. We accept the slob we've become and life we have because no one else has better life and I don't deserve one either.

Giving up your self can lead to terrible relationships. How can you take care of your family if you've given up so much of your self that you're not even there anymore?

When we self sacrifice we water down everything to the lowest common denominator. Everyone is beautiful and smart and important despite what the metrics say.

Selfishness We often think this is purely evil because it's all about us, us, us. However, if it weren't for selfishness, you probably wouldn't exist. If your ancestors didn't get enough to eat and drink and the shelter they needed, despite what others also needed, they wouldn't have lived.

Selfishness does not push us to hurt others because that would not be in our best interest. We might need them later. Trading is better than robbing, but you still want to get the best deal on that trade. Robbing might get you killed, so you selfishly choose not to die and therefore, not rob someone.

Selfishness means you regard your own values, ideas and even life as necessary - because they are.

You don't marry someone because it makes them happy, you do it because it makes you happy.

The only way to absolutely ensure your own happiness is by being selfish: To go after the life you want. To create the relationships you want. To go after the job you want. To build the family you want. To build your house the way you want. It's your house after all.

Example: if someone gives you a poisonous drink when you're thirsty, you won't drink it because you're selfishness tells you that you'll die and that's a stupid decision. You can't self-sacrifice yourself out of this one.

Selfishness is about committing to rational thinking over emotional thinking. It's a belief system to be embraced. It's life affirming.

America, freedom, and capitalism are essentially founded on selfishness, not sacrifice. We wanted our own country, so we made one. We wanted to build businesses to make money, so we did. Without our selfishness, we wouldn't have become as successful as we are. And now we can see how our sacrifice is leading us down destructive paths.

When we see a successful team, we praise the team even though a few key players made all the big plays. Their selfishness won the game.

Don't be afraid to be the quarterback or the Michael Jordan of your family. Make the pass, take the shot, and carry the family on your shoulders. Ultimately, you're the only one you can truly depend on.

Constant self-sacrifice leads to dependency and control. Selfishness leads to freedom and life

As an afterthought, aren't suicide bombers sacrificing themselves for their religion? You see how that turns out.