~ archived since 2018 ~

Just need to vent

March 21, 2023

I’m having a rough time. My gf of two years dumped me 2 weeks ago. I’ve had to deal with the emotional fallout from that. I was finally making some progress in moving forward. Then I got a letter in the mail from the state telling me they’re modifying my child support order for the child I didn’t choose to have. For context, I was sexually assaulted by a woman in high school. She gave birth to the kid and I’ve been on the hook for child support since.

Up until now it has been somewhat manageable, just about $500 per month for basic support. However, now they’re raising my basic support to $800 per month, and the state is forcing me to add him to my health insurance. I will also be responsible for 74% of any medical bills not covered by insurance. The mother will only be expected to contribute $23 to the health plan cost. She quit her $20/hr job a few months ago and is now working part time for just $13 per hour. Obviously her job doesn’t provide health insurance which is why I’m on the hook for it.

Will it financially ruin me? No. Will it fuck up any financial goals I had? Absolutely. Yeah, I’ll still be able to pay my rent and other bills. I won’t have to skip meals. But, now I won’t be able to save for a house like I had planned to do. I won’t be able to invest the way I’ve planned to in order to get where I want to be financially. I won’t be able to go on any vacations. Meanwhile, the mother owns her own house and just returned from a Disney Cruise. It’s just fucking annoying. I’m getting a raise soon, and after doing the math I’ll be getting less money in my paycheck than I have been. I’m just lucky I make decent money, so the state’s basic support calculations don’t completely fuck me over. If I were lower income, I’d be totally fucked. I hate this woman so much and I hate that I’ve become resentful towards the world because she refuses to take responsibility for her own choices. Nine more years of this bullshit.

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Post Information
Title Just need to vent
Author xhouliganx
Upvotes 37
Comments 9
Date March 21, 2023 2:02 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Rock_Granite 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I was sexually assaulted by a woman in high school. She gave birth to the kid and I’ve been on the hook for child support since.


[–]a-man-from-earth 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is why we need a men's rights movement.

[–]kiadragon 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Happens all the time. Even if the OP was a minor and she was an adult.

"Better forget college, child. You gotta get a job and pay child support or we put you in jail."

[–]lokithejackal 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All I can say is that sucks. At least there is an end in sight. Stay strong brother.

[–]Crunch-Potato 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Legal dispute would be one option for the predicament, but the stories I've heard around this topic put men at a clear disadvantage.

Another thing to consider are other countries, where you might find more sanity.

[–]needalife94 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn dude. Sorry your going through all that stuff. This is a great case to use as an example as to why financial abortions SHOULD be legal for men in countries and states where abortion is legal for women.

[–]yahaya146 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay strong man

[–]uniptf 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, I'm sorry you're in that crappy situation.

That raise you're getting is great news, because without it you'd be hurting even more.

I hope you find some peace and comfort from the breakup. I know that's tough. Many of us have had heartbreaks, and at least you have this known fact that you can hang on to: All things pass with time. You will feel better after some time goes by.

And the time will come and pass for the child support stuff too. Not as fast, but it will pass. Then you'll be free. Hang in there, man; you're stronger than you know.

[–]Admirable_Wasabi1840 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sorry that you're going through this brother. I don't know what else to say, it's just a tough situation. Hope that time gives you a little relief from the emotional angst (if that's what you're feeling, don't want to assume) and just want you to know that I hear ya.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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