~ archived since 2018 ~

Weekend check-in

April 29, 2022

How are you guys doing? Remember that we're all human, and it's okay not to feel okay. Some days are better than others...

Please feel free to share what is bothering you, or what you do to feel better.

Please have a look at our current event and consider participating.

I wish you all a good weekend!

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Post Information
Title Weekend check-in
Author mensupportmenmod
Upvotes 21
Comments 10
Date April 29, 2022 4:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Tesla7891 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Had taken a new job that I was overqualified for. I had been sitting at home not wanting to go back into my career work for about 2 months because I think its given me PTSD, insomnia, and depression (truck driving), and just reluctantly applied to a basic job in a factory. I didn't need the money for survival, but just didn't want to be draining money and using up all my savings either. But I got fired yesterday, for being 4 minutes late. I never had been until that day. It was my first week, but I don't show up any earlier than when I start getting paid. And honestly, I wasn't relieving anyone because the factory ran just on the day shift. I found out some employees who didn't have cars and were dropped off much earlier than their shift, couldn't clock in until 5 minutes before their shift (though management didn't stop them from setting up work stations, cleaning etc. while they waited). But this manager I guess has such old school mentality that he thought everyone is supposed to show up 10 minutes early, even though those 10 minutes aren't paid, and share "good mornings" and listen to him talk about himself. Very religious this guy was, only in small town america will you still find this kind of derangement. I'm a nice guy but I hate those organized religious types. They never took the time to learn about motivation and how connected it is to a psyche and not just money. He thinks showing up 10 minutes early is fair, but he gets to move around the floor all day, get off his feet 10 times a day, and got paid probably twice or three times as much as me on salary. I would be working one machine all day that is too loud to have a conversation with anyone around, didn't even go to the bathroom most day, and was getting carpel tunnel and blisters from the machines. The employer also hired two of his sons. He probably learned the skillset of his job in a on-the-job training environment, he was an old man who likely learned his mechanical and work skills in an age when employers actually trained to improve their employees' skill sets. That was the biggest detractor for me, and I definitely took the joy out of being in front of me from him when I said I was expecting to learn something there but quickly learned the first day nothing was trained to the workers. But again, simply because my body and look fits into a soldier archetype, I think he just wanted me to be a dumb fool, being a brown nose as if it was the army.
He really probably wasn't going to fire me for being 4 minutes late once, but was insistent it was a warning, because after he had the chat with me I went to others say "four minutes in any sense is not late, but especially if I'm not relieving anyone". That is essentially what got myself fired, cause he pulled me aside at the end of the day, and started with "I busy but I can hear things around the factory...and I don't think its going to work out if you don't take my warning seriously" I'm so tired of men of a certain age imposing their unwritten, out dated, old-school rules on the younger generation. This kind of everyday misandry that men impose on other men. I'm not that naive, I'm in my 30s. Why is it alright to be 5 minutes late to this job? Because of suburban sprawl and me commuting from the city, and 20% more cars being on the road in the last 30 yrs, getting to work is slowed by some asshole on their phone or some soccer mom in an SUV driving a vehicle they don't have the spatial awareness for. All things he didn't have to deal with when he was my age and adding jobs to his resume. Or because it wasn't a pattern with me. Because when the job doesn't offer health benefits, sick leave, fair pay, and I was told the building could get to over 100 degrees F in the summer, and when I was looking at the staff and no one seemed to be there for more than two year, its clearly a terrible job to be working at, which is why he has two of his kids working there. Of course none of that makes any sense to a guy like this. He's was very religious, he's a follower personality, his two boys were named old testament names, Jeremiah and Christian. He'd never challenged any authority that he'd ever met, so when he was an "authority" he expected me to just follow him, blindly.
I'm looking back on it now, and while my thinking didn't escalate to going to my timecard to prove I hadn't been late until yesterday at ALL, I'm realizing now just cause I didn't immediately find him and say "good morning" to him each time, he thought I just showed up late.. but I haven't talked to my parents in years, I've become very independent, this kind of thing is not a social custom for someone to make to any authority to me. I either like someone or I don't, and small talk with someone I don't like never goes well.

Can you believe that? But I'm still very upset. Yes, the working conditions were bad, and I only wanted the job to clean my memory of my bad driving experiences, and get back to a good sleep schedule, but I was going to quit after a few months anyway. But in my week, my production numbers were stellar. I was fast. A lot of the employees were on their phones either touching screens or fiddling, but I didn't take my phone out of my pocket for the 1st 2 1/2 days.

[–]a-man-from-earth 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like he did you a favor and you're better off not being in that place.

Being upset is understandable, and you should allow yourself to feel that. But then work on moving on, as I'm sure you have better opportunities.

[–]Cheeseybellend 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's sunny, a bank holiday 3 day weekend, I think it's all good. Lad at work quit though, so will be a stressful few months, no more working at weekends since daughter cried one weekend that I wasn't hanging with the family enough - no-one wants that feeling of letting your kids down.

[–]surrealstrength 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My dad was getting late for work and my sister was making a fuss and wanted him to stay and play. He still went and my sister was at the doorstep crying. My dad felt upset he let her down and came running back home from the station and there she was crying. They spent the morning together playing. He's no longer with us. The choice you are making now is going to create fond memories for your daughter forever. You're a good man, sir

[–]surrealstrength 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Trying to hold myself together. But the thoughts start clouding me at night. But I know the only way is through so I'm just walking head first into the fog. I think a lot of y'all will relate to it. Optimism is like a thread that gets thinner the farther i walk. But as long as i can tug on it and figure out a way I think I'll be fine. Thank you mods and the members of this sub for being helpful. Brothers, please don't shy away from sharing your thoughts. We got y'all.

[–]6-leslie 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you know why it’s harder for you at night?

Our reasons might be different, but nights are hard for me too. The sun always comes back. It’s one of the few things you can 100% depend on. Remembering the sun isn’t gone forever, only a few hours, helps me get through my hardest nights now.

[–]FatherOfLights88 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nights are harder, because the collective whir of everyone's minds is enough to cloud out our own thinking during the day. At night, when most have gone to sleep, it's just you and your thoughts. Nothing to distract of dilute. Just a reminder that the internal mess of things is asking to be cleaned out and organized... a task much easier said than done.

[–]surrealstrength 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a nice way to see it man. So simple yet so profound. I think it's because at night I'm quite, everything else is silent and it's just me and my thoughts. All throughout the day there are things happening around but at night my thoughts just take over.

[–]a-man-from-earth 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been there. I know what it's like. The battle with negative thoughts is tough. But recognize them as negative and try to find the distortions. And teach yourself to repeat some positive affirmations to yourself.

You are strong. You've held it together this far. You can do this. We believe in you!

[–]surrealstrength 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've read your reply very carefully and i think i got this. Thank you it means a lot!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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