~ archived since 2018 ~

A good subreddit to talk about relationship issues men are experiencing?

kiadragon · 2022-10-12T01:00:54+00:00

MensRights is a great subreddit to discuss issues we face as men in a space where we aren't constantly attacked as evil. But it isn't...

kiadragon

October 12, 2022

53 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	A good subreddit to talk about relationship issues men are experiencing?
Author	kiadragon
Upvotes	53
Comments	30
Date	October 12, 2022 1:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/y1psr6/a_good_subreddit_to_talk_about_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-good-subreddit-to-talk-about-relationship-issues.1134140 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134140

Comments

[–]dw87190 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]kiadragon[S] 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link

Thank you friend. I'll make it brief.

Divorced twice. One teenage son I have 50% custody of. He was 9 when I divorced his mom. I won't detail the list of mental illnesses or the spiraling behavior we went through. The only detail that matters is that she gaslit me constantly. I put myself in therapy because I started to believe I might be losing touch with reality.

With the help of that therapist and one other, I came to understand that I was not the person denying reality or inventing scenarios that never happened. And since my ex refused to engage, there was no choice but damage control and divorce.

I was the sole breadwinner. She kidnapped my son and wouldn't tell me where he was. Spent every penny of my retirement account and borrowed thousands more just to have 50/50 custody (plus alimony and child support). I lost almost all my friends due to her false accusations (none of which she dared present in court).

I needed help. I travelled for a living and was going to lose custody of my son. I needed someone there for him when I worked long hours.

Roomate/au pair arrangement worked for a bit, but eventually I was stranded without help. A women I had met after my divorce at an event had gotten to know me. She lived five hours away, but packed her life up and moved in and was a great stepmom figure to my son. She taught him all the things his homeschooling mother hadn't and assisted him as he caught up to the other kids in public school.

Hardest working women I have EVER met. She brings so much to the table. I didn't even know until years later the thousands she spent without my knowledge just trying to help me get my financial and personal life in order. She is truly a good woman.

But my son eventually reacted like many step kids. He hates her. That will never change. So she want back to work and started helping to pay bills and refresh the savings she spent helping me.

Time has passed and we made an excellent partnership. But she has her own demons and she hurt me badly with a few emotional meltdowns in six years. Really hurtful and cruel things were said to me, revealing that some of her true feelings were...wow...that stab wound still hurts. She seems to enter a 'fugue state' and becomes a mad woman. Total Jeckell and Hyde. Three or four times in six years.

It was the only time we ever fought.

No couple exists without fighting. I was willing to do the work with her to get through it, because I never met a women who was such a damn good partner who would stun me with her level of effort. No gold digger her.

But I have tried on five separate occasions to broach this subject with her. I have explained what she did and how it hurt me. She would just stare at me until I stopped talking. I understand that is a defense that she developed to survive her verbally abusive mother, so I kept trying to figure a different angle.

Last night I was hurting and addressed it with her again. She has demonstrated more anger with each attempt to talk about these issues. I offered couples counseling and she told me no, I needed therapy. She told me those things I am saying never happened and I am just someone who wants to hurt people when I am feeling down. Then she started telling me I must of have been drunk and made it up (first time she ever questioned my alcohol consumption ever).

I stopped talking. There was no point.

Tonight I had the hardest talk with her ever. I stopped her before she went to bed and asked her that if I was doing something to her that was causing her trauma, but every time she raised the issue with me I told her she was making it up and she was the entire problem, what would she do?

She told me she would probably tell me to fuck off. But she had a look on her face of realization.

So I told her I really loved her, but to fuck off.

We can be friends. We can be roommates I will still pay 85% of bills until she gets her savings back. I still love her, but fuck off. I am done trying when she won't take any accountability with me. I am responsible for part of our problems to, but if we aren't talking we aren't solving anything.

I feel sick to my stomach and my head is numb. 53. Make a decent wage, so I'll clear my debts before I die and maybe can leave my kid a small amount to help him in life.

I am just going to go ahead with MGTOW monking. I think thats the best path remaining to me.

But dude it hurts. Never met a woman who was willing to bring so much.

If you made it here, thank you for listening.

[–]ReWildingOfMen 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Awww good man 💔

Yeah that's heartbreaking to read.

I think you've done the right thing, I really do, heartbreaking as it is.

As an adult she has a responsibility to discuss and do her part in clearing up pains between you, to take accountability for her part of things and learn and grow from it.

Stick to your guns, and her reaction will be very telling. If sex or intimacy is used as a means of getting around you, you've got serious problems.

Some of her behaviour sounds narc like, as does your ex. I just hope with this recent woman that it's due to trauma from her own life.

Trouble is a narc is very good at giving reasons for shitty behaviour.

Stay true. You've done the right thing.

And yeah, so many good men gets blown out after a particularly bad experiences. There's no shame in going mgtow is that's what you need to do.

Take care of yourself

Oh, also the child hating her, there will be a reason for that. Either your ex is alienating the child against this newer woman.

Or is this newer woman behaving less nice and shiny when you're not around.

I wonder

[–]kiadragon[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]trabulium 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]kiadragon[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]shit-zen-giggles 7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]goodmod 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheSilverShade 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]goodmod 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheSilverShade 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]goodmod 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheSilverShade 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]goodmod 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheSilverShade 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]goodmod 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TheSilverShade 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]a-man-from-earth 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ok-Translator2294 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]kiadragon[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]SnooRobots5509 -5 points-4 points-3 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]World_Renowned_Guy 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]SnooRobots55091 points 3 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]World_Renowned_Guy 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]kiadragon[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]SnooRobots5509 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]kiadragon[S] -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SnooRobots5509 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

You couldn't be more wrong, I fucking love myself. I'm literally living the best life I could possibly live, surrounded by loving fiance, friends, family and pets, I have a fulfilling, exciting career, beautiful house and I don't even know what else to do with my money.

What I can't stand is retards online acting retarded, like people here. I feel men's issues is something that is in desperate need of development, but we get a horrible rep because majority of "activists" act out of pettiness and spite. It feels like their primary objective is to belittle women's experiences while simultaneously cry about every single insignificant thing. Women on feminist forums can act retarded, but honestly they have nothing on subs like this one. This is peak human stupidity, and it's reached (here) on a daily basis. Just earlier today some retard was crying how prostate cancer research is not funded because of misandry, and he got a bunch of upvotes from other retarded crybabies. It's insane how detached men in online spaces seem to be.

[–]kiadragon[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah. OK. You are a douche.

I don't think this is an opinion anymore. In particular, you continued use of the word 'retard' as a barb to get a reaction demonstrated the sort of lack of empathy that comes from people with poorly developed frontal lobes in their brain and limited self control.

Dude, I likely make more money than you. I likely have slept with more women than you. I am tall, make six figures, and have my pick of random women even at my age. Not as many as in my 20s, but I can do fine.

Don't D measure with me, boy. You will lose.

But I am still a man. Men still need to talk to other men sometimes. If you think that makes me a sad 'retard', whatever. I don't care. Go demonstrate your superior manliness somewhere else.

The more you engage, the more I know that most everything I guessed is spot on. Get yourself some therapy before karma serves you.

[–]RedditIsProMisandry2 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link