I’m a single dad of a 3-year-old girl who is with me about 50% of the time. I have tattoos – full sleeves that extend on to the back of my hand and a back piece that extends up on my neck, along with 2-inch diameter plugs in my ears and a long, scraggly beard. I run a tattoo shop and my truck is completely wrapped in graphics to advertise my business, including classic pin-up art of women with exposed breasts. The name of my shop includes the word ‘Hell’, which is also prominently featured on my truck. I live in a mid-sized, extremely conservative Southern city.

I have never, ever, ever been looked at askance, much less accused of pedophilia directly or indirectly when out with my daughter and certainly not when purchasing toys or clothes for her, whether she is with me or not. Ever. Even when she is screaming and kicking as I try to strap her into her car seat in my breast-and-swear-word covered truck. Not even when we’ve been at the park during a weekday when the only other adults are stay at home moms in those velvet sweatsuits – you know, the ones who watch lots of Fox news and Nancy Grace. These moms usually smile at me, and sometimes we talk a little bit if our kids are playing together. If it’s true that fathers are always being accused of pedophilia or treated like potential pedophiles, then my scary, ugly, tattooed Southern ass would have experienced it at least once or twice. I haven’t, and neither have any of my scruffy, tattooed buddies who have their own kids. Basically, I think y’all are a bunch of fantasists who enjoy making this shit up for sympathy or entertainment. Maybe not 100% of you. But most of you.

You know what reaction I do get that bugs the shit out of me? I hate it when people act like I’m doing something unusual or special by parenting my child. Her mother (who is 29 but looks about 17, and has plenty of her own tattoos) is the one who gets shit in public. She’s the one who the other moms avoid at the park and she’s the one who gets dirty looks when our daughter throws a tantrum in the parking lot. Single moms get disrespected and treated like shit. My ex, who is a full-time college student surviving on student loans, and who takes no child support from me even though I make a good income, regularly had grocery cashiers and other customers make terrible comments when she used her WIC allowance to buy food when our daughter was small (we broke up before she was born, but were and are still on friendly terms). It upset her so much that I convinced her to throw the WIC card away and let me help her out with groceries for a while. All the while, when I was out with the baby, I was getting smiled at by everyone and congratulated on being such a good dad by total strangers.

Dads, even the ones who may only have their kids for one day out of 30, are treated like heroes when they’re with their kids. Single moms, who often raise their children with little or no help, are treated like shit. Yes, I know men get the shitty end of the stick in lots of areas, but this right here ain’t one of them. If you can’t see this, or if you are pretending not to see it, you care more about your agenda or about telling a good story than about the truth. Or maybe you’re looking for this kind of thing. The woman scowling at you at the grocery store is thinking about how her back hurts or whatever and is actually just staring through you, not at you. The cashier who is giving you “dirty looks” for buying your daughter some underpants is just having a shitty day or is a shitty person in general. Seriously, no one cares about you that much.

As a dad who has 50/50 custody of my daughter, and who had to fight for it, I’m all for the reform of family courts to be more fair to fathers. As a man who was once falsely accused of rape (which didn’t go very far, thank god) I am all for reforming laws around rape prosecution. That’s why I’ve lurked on Men’s Rights for so long. But as a sensible fucking person who cares about the truth, I think this ‘dads-get-treated-like-pedophiles’ crap needs to stop. It’s just as much of a bullshit myth as date-rape-drugs and stranger danger. Like both of those things, it may happen. Very, very rarely. And it’s terrible when it does. But there’s no way it happens as much as this subreddit would lead you to believe.