Anonymous Adoption in New Jersey, please help!

eschermond · 2011-09-28T16:34:30+00:00

I'm an adoptee who recently became a father. My wife and I decided we wanted to try and find out information about my biological parents, just to see what kind of medical conditions we could expect.

The papers given to me by my parents were (apparently) filled out by my biological mother. The information for the "Mother" side and the "Father" side was written in the same handwriting. The "Mother" side being fairly detailed and the "Father" side being fairly vague. All of which leads me to believe that my biological father had very little to do with the filling out of these forms.

I don't believe there is any legal reason why you should have to answer any questions you don't want to answer. As an adoptee, however, I will say this: Somewhere down the line, your child may seek the answers that I was seeking, if only for the reasons I've stated. If you care about him/her, be as descriptive as you can regarding medical history. If you don't care about him/her, be as descriptive as you can regarding medical history. It will save you both a lot of time, effort, and heartache if he/she decides to attempt to track you down.

TL;DR: Just be as thourough as you can with the medical history. You don't have to worry about too much personal stuff.

rantgrrl · 2011-09-28T18:36:39+00:00

You'll be okay. Although likely this will be something that haunts you for the rest of your life. If you ever go on to have kids, you will think about what could have been and probably feel some remorse over the kid you never knew.

Do you think the mother is a bad person for putting your kid up for adoption? If not, then why do you think of yourself as one?

carchamp1 · 2011-09-28T14:45:16+00:00

Why do you want to be anonymous?

damn_it_so_much · 2011-09-28T18:55:21+00:00

Is it possible to call back to the agency, without disclosing your name, and ask them these same questions as an anonymous caller?

IAmARapeChild · 2011-09-28T23:05:51+00:00

Another adoptee here. At the very least, please provide as much medical info as possible.

Now something from my personal perspective on being adopted:

Regarding personal information, I'd go against anonymous because I believe an adopted child has a right to know who their biological parents are. This doesn't imply a relationship of any kind. Start thinking about the day your kid might contact you. It's your choice to respond - but doing so just once can answer a lot of questions and give them some closure. It won't be for a long time and might never come. You're still young so don't be surprised if your attitudes about life change a lot during this time.

And keep it from your parents. They don't need to know until if/when your kid contacts you. Adoption and family secrets are like peas in a pod!

Lawtonfogle · 2011-09-28T23:53:57+00:00

See if you can give them a type of legal will that has all that information in it, but can only be opened in 5/10/18 years.

Title	Anonymous Adoption in New Jersey, please help!
Author	gibbler
Upvotes	7
Comments	10
Date	September 28, 2011 2:24 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ku3n7/anonymous_adoption_in_new_jersey_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/anonymous-adoption-in-new-jersey-please-help.1033993 https://theredarchive.com/post/1033993

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