Divorced dads, was it worth it?

boxsterguy · 2020-05-24T23:04:08+00:00

To quote Louis CK, no good marriage ever ended in divorce.

welcometothejl · 2020-05-25T00:15:55+00:00

It's hard to say. You could probably do a rough estimate of what it will cost you. Remember, you're going into this thing presumably as the guilty party. Even if your crime is marrying someone who sucks value from you and your child's life, the repercussions will likely fall on you. I was able to get 50/50 custody, but I still pay full child support. All in all my freedom will end up costing me about $250,000 by the time my kids turn 18. Was it worth it though? Yeah. I come home to a clean, drama free, house. I exercise, eat right, and sleep well. The dating market is pretty trash, and I am not one for socializing in bars and shit like that, but I have learned that I am ok being my myself most of the time.

There are some caveats. The first is ,even though I hated my ex wife, I didn't like the idea of other dudes putting their dick in her. I would love to tell you I didn't care about her at all, but if I am being 100% real, that caused a number of shitty nights. It also didn't help that she lost a bunch of weight as soon as we divorced and then fucked a few guys I went to highschool with. I didn't have much relationship experience and I had never experienced that before. It sucks, and you'll get over it, but if I am being honest it took me about 3 years. If it happened now I don't know that it would be as big of a deal.

Caveat number 2 is that I don't struggle for money. That definitely helps. I still think child support is bullshit and I have been arguing about it on Reddit for a while, but nobody gives a fuck. I am an asshole who doesn't want to support my kids even though I have them half of the time. In any case, I have enough that I feel secure. If my financial situation was worse I might feel totally differently. The other thing I have noticed about guys in general is that we are minimalists. I work with a lot of single dudes who could live with 4 walls and a hot plate. So maybe factoring in what you really need once you retire would be a good thought exercise going in. Good luck!

throwaway1812abc · 2020-05-24T23:32:45+00:00

Talk to a lawyer right now. Explain the situation so you can figure the best way to prevent divorce rape and possibly get custody of your daughter, there is no reason that she HAS to have custody. My divorce was the best thing that happened to me, I wasn’t able to get custody because I didn’t do my “homework” first but my children are getting to the point we’re they realize that their mother is a shit person/parent and I am planning to start working with a lawyer soon to get them 50/50.

Rockmapper_ · 2020-05-24T21:09:31+00:00

I would suggest looking at the cereal packet family because that seems to be what you are demonstrating. It's a sociological term for a certain family structure.

turbulance4 · 2020-05-25T15:52:15+00:00

Worth is a difficult assessment. Is it good? No. Will it ever be good? No. But it's definitely less bad than living in a horrible marriage.

I haven’t asked for a divorce because I’m afraid Of not seeing her, I’m afraid she will think I left her.

(I'm assuming you're in the US). While the family court system in the US is notably unfair to fathers, the outcome where you never see her is extremely unlikely unless you have some major criminal or drug related history. You will likely get ≈ 20% custody time, depending on the jurisdiction you live in. Don't let the fear of never seeing your daughter force you to raise your daughter in an unhealthy environment.

DuneBug · 2020-05-25T07:07:38+00:00

My best friend got divorced and he seems a lot happier. He was also constantly fighting with his wife.

unfortunately shit's not cheap. I'd probably talk to a lawyer before you make any moves just to know where the law stands in your state.

Ukman_44 · 2020-05-25T08:29:58+00:00

I went through the worst divorce imaginable, but yes, it was worth it. I lost 85% of my money, was ordered to pay 30% of my net income for life and didnt see my kids for the best part of 2 years.

If you're really not happy you should leave. There's more to life than money - I feel free again and have met someone new who makes me much happier than my ex wife ever did. The relationship with my children has been rebuilt and life, in general, is great.

Marty-the-monkey · 2020-05-25T09:37:34+00:00

Talk to a lawyer, get you chances of getting your girl from the divorce, and start gathering information.

Being ill prepared is what cost most dads their children, since the default idea is that they do better with their mom (that’s the notion you need evidence of convincing them isn’t the case).

mikesteane · 2020-05-25T00:00:30+00:00

Learn some redpill behaviour. It takes a little time, but it will change things. Ask your wife is she is happy in your marriage. If she says no, get her a copy of "The Surrendered Wife" by Laura Doyle.

Title	Divorced dads, was it worth it?
Author	Cavtasticscout
Upvotes	51
Comments	22
Date	May 24, 2020 8:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/gpx7a2/divorced_dads_was_it_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/divorced-dads-was-it-worth-it.851702 https://theredarchive.com/post/851702

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