Double standards with traumatised people

aryaman16 · 2024-02-20T13:10:05+00:00

Yeah, there was a comment from a guy, about how his sister had become too conscious regarding her looks, after her bf left her (probably due to looks), AND he was expressing his anger on men, for her sisters' situation.

If it was a guy, he would probably be bashing him for being in*el for focusing on looks so much.

ElisaSKy · 2024-02-20T12:25:15+00:00

"How can we change these double standards or at least get people talking about them?"

If I knew the answer to that question, you wouldn't be asking it since there would be no double standard left.

Unhappy_Doubt_355 · 2024-02-20T13:20:08+00:00

I have been a victim of that. I was abused by my wife for years (and I am still being abused by her in the post-divorce era). It was so bad, that I was contemplating suicide. If that would be my life from now on, it's not worth it, right?

Part of the issue was, that NOONE around me would recognise what I was saying as abuse. I ended up not trusting my own self or my own memories. After all, how can this happen, if it is impossible to happen? My therapist at the time, a highly qualified individual, never spelled out the words.

To that extent, I have taken the decision to talk about it cold, as if I am talking about the ages of my children. People are taken aback and I notice. Some outright don't believe me, I notice as well. I lose friends and people are a bit cautious about me in my social circle.

On the positive side, I do contribute to disproving the narrative (like a social cause) and I don't end up with people around me, that I need to be careful about what I say in their presence, so that I don't trigger their feministic understanding of the world.

Their non-ackknowledgement of the world is also very hurtful for me, so I am doing myself a favor, by actively sending them away. I am not saying a word about those things at work settings.

Vegetable_Ad1732 · 2024-02-21T03:42:14+00:00

Hope you told those people to kiss your ass.

denvercaniac · 2024-02-20T13:40:06+00:00

Self help books can be a major help. Ask yourself what you need to do to heal.

mr_ogyny · 2024-02-20T16:30:39+00:00

I think this is due to the gynocentric state of our society whether through feminism or traditionalism.

A woman's opinion holds more weight when it comes to matters of morality. Men buy into them way too easily. This means women are less likely to be held accountable for their actions because they get to decide what is right and wrong. They're not going to hold themselves to the same standard that they do with men. I don't know if you're familiar with Rose McGowan and the MeToo movement but she was pushing this whole 'believe women' idea. However, when a woman was accused of sexual abuse, she said we should wait for more details before making a judgement.

When a woman abuses a man, nuance comes into the equation. It becomes acceptable to excuse abuse for reasons such as hormones, emotions, mental illnesses, etc. The man has to be a perfect victim otherwise he is either the abusive one or they are mutually abusive (something which DV organisations have said is a myth). When a man abuses a woman, it's clear cut and background questions are irrelevant.

I think one way to change this is teaching boys to recognise abuse happening to them, like they do with girls. I'm not really sure as to how this can be implemented given that women's organisations continue to minimise abuse towards men in order to secure funding for themselves.

Adventurous_Health93 · 2024-02-20T23:35:08+00:00

You've already done the hard part with understanding all of this. Now it's time to surround yourself with people who align with what you believe. I've struggled with this myself, and it really just boils down to accountability. It's so easy for women to play the victim. Everything in society around us allows for that. It's a totally new concept for men to acknowledge the same for them. That's why most women won't. That's why it's important to now surround yourself with women who can acknowledge what you've been through. That way you can both talk and acknowledge these findings together and possibly come up with ideas on how to openly talk about these issues. Unfortunately for you, who expressed how difficult it is to see red flags, it's time to be upfront and stand your ground. If a woman is telling you that expressing your feelings is somehow oppressing women and you know for a fact that you're actively working on your trauma by fighting your trauma response towards women then you know they are not worth the fight to have around. Not all women are like this and you deserve to experience the truth in that. I've personally felt the same about men and I know for a fact not all men are the same so I strive to surround myself with men who prove that to me, no matter how difficult that's proven to be, I refuse to let myself sink so low that I clump all men together because the men I was surrounded by growing up couldn't. I've had to remove myself from feminist groups because of their very clear bias and bigotry and it's hard when you have hundreds of people perpetuating something you know for a fact isn't right but that's why you have to remove yourself from that negativity and stand strong for what you believe in.

Title	Double standards with traumatised people
Author	Anonymous_musk_ox
Upvotes	75
Comments	14
Date	February 20, 2024 10:30 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1avek94/double_standards_with_traumatised_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/double-standards-with-traumatised-people.1245914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245914

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