Gaslighting red flags -- common experience?

Dunkolunko · 2020-07-02T08:28:22+00:00

The thing is a lot of these things could be gaslighting or not. Like if I have an argument with my gf and we both are saying something in the past happened differently, to an outsider, who is gaslighting?

What if someone says "You're overreacting" because they said they had to leave for a job and their partner started getting upset and mad and saying "You don't love me! You're cheating on me!"?

Vektor0 · 2020-07-02T14:09:21+00:00

The graphic is wrong because it's too general. It describes various emotional abuses, but not all emotional abuses are gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a very specific type of emotional abuse. It's when the abuser does totally innocuous things, like turning off lights, only to deny it later for the sole purpose of getting their victim to doubt their sanity and perception of reality.

Just because your emotional abuse has given you low self-esteem doesn't mean you've been gaslit.

santajawn322 · 2020-07-02T07:51:32+00:00

Just gunna say it, for every "toxic" guy in a relationship theres like 3 toxic girls.

If this is what "gas lighting" is, then 3 of my ex's are the shittiest people I've ever known.

Synyster182 · 2020-07-02T12:40:33+00:00

Perfectly describes what living with my mother was like for me...

Clewdo · 2020-07-02T10:04:53+00:00

I have a few of these with my partner but she speaks language as a second language and sometimes it’s literally a translation issue.

Halafax · 2020-07-02T20:28:22+00:00

I’ve been through this, and not understanding my situation, it was horrible. I was held in place, or at least it felt so at the time.

If you don’t value yourself or your time, it’s easy to feel trapped.

An important thing to understand is that this doesn’t require master villain intellect. Almost anyone could use these behaviors, most people just don’t. In the moment, my ex had me all twisted up, but she was as self destructive as she was destructive to me. If I had someone to talk it through with, I don’t think it would have gotten as bad as it did. My ex worked hard to alienate me from my family, she didn’t want me talking my problems out.

So... a couple of thoughts. Don’t let yourself get isolated. My ex never said not to see my friends and family, she just became horrible if I did. I started avoiding my social support structure to keep the peace, but that was a mistake. Also, if you aren’t willing to walk away from a situation, you are voluntarily giving up all of your power. You can’t change other people, but you can change where you go and what you do.

Not everything above was accurate to my situation, but many of them were in play. If you recognize more than a few of the above, get some help or get out.

abhorredmisanthrope · 2020-07-02T10:22:40+00:00

r/narcissisticabuse

novhaku · 2020-07-02T10:07:19+00:00

Bingo! What did I win?

I liked the "assign motives to your actions", in one situation apparently I was manipulative because I said a "damn, I forgot to turn off my phone" when I got woken up by a call from her at 3 AM (and was thus a bit grumpy, half-asleep and talking to myself) which snowballed, REALLY hard, into a complete mess since it was apparently some kind of thing I couldn't say without trying to control the other person.... Okay?

From the same person that had been doing a perfect for everything on this sheet for years.

Let alone the rewriting of the past (something quite stupid to do when you send messages that can easily prove you wrong, but proofs doesn't matters when you have enough control over someone to make them doubt even proofs) that was pretty much a sport at this point.

And then say goodbye to your reputation when they try to make you the evil overlord oppressing them (yep, the person became a full-blown feminist SJW after the breakup, these people can be the ones that are the most abusive behind closed doors, who would have thought?), and even you believe them.

Anyway, all of these really do a number of your self-esteem and you end up believing that you're really the abusive pos and the evil one that isn't worth much and it takes quite a long time to be fixed. Be careful about the signs, gents. avoiding it is way, way faster than having to fix yourself afterward. Particularly when all of society will be here to tell you that you're the monster afterward because, hey, a woman can't be abusive.

santajawn322 · 2020-07-02T13:12:31+00:00

Anyone who speaks out against the totally made up notion of systemic racism has been here.

a-man-from-earth · 2020-07-02T07:30:47+00:00

I just realized this also applies to the White Fragility movement.

thejam15 · 2020-07-02T14:15:25+00:00

Not specifically a mens issue but I realize my boss does a lot of this

gaia2008 · 2020-07-03T04:36:54+00:00

Honey is that you?

Ukman_44 · 2020-07-02T15:37:38+00:00

The term "gaslighting" has changed from meaning someone who psychologically makes you doubt your sanity to someone who just doesn't agree with you.

Wo1fy7 · 2020-07-02T16:09:57+00:00

This first le happens to me all the time with my sister when she sees me. And the last one with my friends. And the one about most interactions leaving you ashamed also. People just don’t want to hear other people opinions. In this world the people who are free think they’re trapped and the people who are trapped are told they’re free. Nobody wins.

vicious_armbar · 2020-07-02T17:29:31+00:00

Looks like a bunch of psychobabble. No need to pathologize bad behavior. If you’re dating a bitch then dump her ass. If her behavior abruptly changed it’s because the power balance in the relationship, and therefore her incentives changed.

If you stay it’s because the fallout of leaving; such as divorce or child custody rape, sucks more than dealing with her abuse. So don’t put yourself in that position in the first place. Simple.

Gaslighting red flags -- common experience?

Crosspost "With the exception of the "affection" part, it's like talking to wokescolds..." from /r/GGdiscussion:

Comments

Title	Gaslighting red flags -- common experience?
Author	qemist
Upvotes	283
Comments	23
Date	July 2, 2020 7:00 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/hjs8v1/gaslighting_red_flags_common_experience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/gaslighting-red-flags-common-experience.1196988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1196988