Abusive relationships? What did you do?

WARNING: THIS IS LONG

I have been married for a bit over a year. It is my second marriage (widower).

My wife, "Kate"...is probably the biggest control freak I have ever met.

She monitors my phone usage. If I am answering a post, or texting, or just looking something up, she will bitterly remark "Well, you're just typing away again, aren't you?" She demands to know what it is.

She has accused me of having online affairs (I haven't).

She says "you care more about that phone than you do ME!" (untrue). I am now almost afraid to even check my phone.

The odd thing is, she is consumed with a Facebook group she administers and pokes away at that throughout the day.

The police have been to the house about five times from her backing me into a corner. She has put hands on me (grabbing me). I tell her to let go and she says "I'm not afraid of you!"

She says "I'm just trying to talk to you!" "Talking," for her, is enumerating my many failings clear back to the time we met. Her memory for slights is almost uncanny.

Everything is a threat to her:

  • My church (which she hates)
  • My guitars (I've been playing and teaching for 45 years plus)
  • My therapist (she pumps me for information about my appointments)
  • My cat (who has grown hostile towards her)

She thinks we are supposed to be joined at the hip, and what I am supposed to do is sit on the sofa while she watches endless reality TV.

I have a small music studio in the upper storey of the house. She says "you go up there to get away from ME!" (which is increasingly true).

Here's the stupid part, and I own up to it:

In January I took out a PPO against her. I had her arrested in April for putting hands on me.

STUPIDLY, after she was in jail for five days, I took her back in. She said we would get marriage counselling, which she has since reneged on. She says "you haven't proven to me that you can be trusted not to jail me again." I had the PPO cancelled. STUPID.

I have PTSD (military) and am diabetic. In the past year I have developed high blood pressure and a racing heart.

I called the police again last night because she was in my face. I thought I was having a heart attack. I told her that was it and I was filing for divorce today. I took my wedding ring off.

Today has been tense. I have been sick, with it coming out both ends.

I can't just throw her out in the state where I live. The house is mine but there has to be some sort of eviction notice.

So why did I marry her? After almost eight years since my wonderful first wife of 18 years died, I was very lonely. She also had nowhere to go (I have an overdeveloped sense of kindness).

I own all my errors.

I just wonder, am I going to have to die because of her? My doctor told me I am looking at a stroke or coronary if something doesn't change. Honestly, in recent days I've almost started to hope for that.

I am almost 60 on a fixed income. I cannot afford a legal battle.

Has anyone been through anything similar and what did you do?

Thank you, and again apologies for the length.