It's finally over. The exploitation I endured for the past 20+ years has come to a screeching halt. After receiving the letter that I have been patiently waiting for for several years, I felt it very necessary to share my story.

The hard part is in trying to figure out where to begin.

Of course, I can start by addressing all of the financial sacrifices and paranoia that I've had to endure since becoming a Father, while simultaneously being reduced to nothing but a mere paycheck. I became a "hustle" - twice over.

My story is no different than that of many others. I'll share it as a rather cautionary tale, should you have rose-colored illusions of what Fatherhood might be. Lots of drama, lots of unfortunate, uncalled for bullshit, but I managed to survive it. Consider me lucky.

Buckle up.

My Daughter is now 21. My child support obligation has just ended. That's right, 21. Sound strange? Well, it isn't. In the state of New Jersey, the maximum age for child support obligation is 23. I'll spell it out for you: T-W-E-N-T-Y  T-H-R-E-E! I didn't stutter. In the state of New Jersey, your child could be a full-fledged adult, but you still have to give her mother your money.

Let's begin with the two greatest misconceptions that plague Fathers:

  1. Child Support is "more than money". Wrong.
  2. Take her to court. Judges are fair. Wrong!
  3. A woman can NOT keep a Father from seeing his child. Super DUPER wrong!

Who's saying those things? Obviously people who have absolutely no personal experience with either situation.

Let me first start off by saying I really have no issues with paying child support. If you create a child, the very least you can do is financially support and provide for your child. No problem there. I personally don't think that courts are unfair with the method of determining what is fair, unless you come across an idiot wielding a pen, on some power trip.

What I DO have an issue with is the fact that the Child Support corporation is only concerned about rmoney - a total contrast of what they would like the naïve public to believe. Also, there's a "Child Support Enforcement Bureau", but no "Equal Time Enforcement Bureau". Why is that? I thought it was about "more than money"? What could be the reasoning behind having an organization that is more passionate about procuring money, than they are about making sure the child is shared equally? Now, let's get down to business...

As of February 26, 2005, I have not seen my Daughter in over 12 years, but I was still living under the threat of incarceration if I did not pay child support. Is that crazy or what?? It's true. Here I was paying for a child that I had no contact with whatsoever, since I relocated. I elected to escape a state known to be NOTORIOUS for contributing to the Prison Industrial Complex. What was preventing me from being the next statistic?

In the 12 years in which I her mother kept me out of her life, I have not received ONE Father's Day phone call.

You still gotta pay.

Not one birthday phone call.

You still gotta pay.

Kept frozen out of her scholastic endeavors?

You still gotta pay.

I moved, her mother got mad. No more Daughter.

But the games began long before I relocated. It was all good while her mother had control. Once she lost the control, she had to wrest it back.

It wasn't enough that I left her and her abusive ways (which SHOULD have been applauded!). It took all I had to leave my Daughter behind, and depend on the court system to set things straight. Remember what I mentioned previously about the belief that "A woman can NOT keep a Father from seeing his child"? Well, you're not asking the right people, if you believe that. There are several ways that this could be accomplished. The most common being abuse allegations. Once ANY type of abuse is alleged against a Father, that is quite likely a death sentence for that Father and their child's relationship.

But you still have to pay.

After filing nearly a dozen motions in which to have her mother put in check for her blatant disregard for signed, valid court orders - nothing. I have never harmed my child, in ANY capacity, but yet since her mother's theatrics seemed to win over FIVE different judges, that lead me to believe that there were other issues at play. Were they still salty over the O.J. Simpson verdict over 20 years go? Possibly. But why would you penalize me for it? If anything you had beef with the twelve people that you felt did you wrong - not me!

During our many court hearings, I'd bring proof of her mother's lies.

I still had to pay.

I'd propose that my Daughter was being coached into lying.

I still had to pay.

I'd explain that her mother was doing everything in her power to sabotage the wonderful relationship between my Daughter and I.

I still had to pay.

She was able to manipulate at least FIVE COLLEGE EDUCATED family court judges. But come on, this wasn't about "allegations". It was about something else. Let's keep it a buck. I haven't been found guilty of anything, let alone have I been CHARGED with anything, but yet and still it has been over twelve years since I have seen our Daughter; Spoken with her ONCE since 2010. And get this: We have JOINT CUSTODY!

But I still had to pay.

Every court hearing we've had, no matter which judge we went before, it all boiled down to child support and allegations. There was never any mention of the relationship with my Daughter, and my efforts to maintain a healthy one. Of course whenever I brought it up, I'd get shut down, ignored, and straight up dismissed. And yet they want you to address judges as "honorable". I don't think there's anything honorable in being paid to be unbiased, but not.

But you still have to pay. Hell, they even made me pay my Daughter's bills for "counseling". Sexual abuse counseling, where sexual abuse NEVER OCCURRED!!! Her asinine mother was just that damn devious! I even contacted the scumbag who my Daughter's mom was taking her, to inform him that my Daughter was being coached by the devious heffa. He didn't care. As long as he was billing Medicaid and they were cutting him a check, she was gonna remain his patient.

Yep. I STILL had to pay!

Within the child support industry, you are actually assigned a "case worker". But guess what? Theme  "case worker" has NEVER ever even spoken to me! It would have been nice to have actually been contacted by them to find out if the situation was fair and optimal to all parties involved, since it's about "family", right? But get this: The only times I WAS contacted by them was to find out a) Where I worked, and b) Who I was insured by. Yep! That's all they were concerned with!

No more. IT'S OVER!

No more living under the threat of incarceration, due to circumstances beyond my control.

No more having to sacrifice my mental well-being towards a callous, uncaring system, that fools people into believing it operates in "the best interests of the child".

No more coming home after work each day, approaching my mailbox with a paralyzing trepidation, anticipating even more money being removed from my paycheck, while not even knowing whether or not my Daughter is even alive or dead.

No more listening to horror stories of men being callously persecuted, due to their inability to keep contributing to the well-oiled extortion machine. 

No more assuming I matter, only to be proven time and time again that I don't.

I've seen photos of my Daughter recently. She has grown to be a very lovely young lady. She IS her Father's Daughter. She has sustained employment, and she's in her third year of college, as a Psych major. How ironic? A Psychology Major, who allowed her mother to manipulate her into expressing some of the most malicious falsehoods about her Father. Go figure.

The photos I've seen of her as an adult were discovered on a certain social media site (No, not Facebook). She appears to be quite happy and bubbly in the photos. I wonder if between all those smiles she contemplates what she put me through with her lies. Do I forgive her? I want to, but we're gonna have to have a long conversation about what she did, things she's said, and whether she will be willing to come clean publicly, and expose her mother for the malicious, evil human being that she is. If she does this, lots of jobs will be at stake, so she's gonna have to be very brave, put her big girl panties on, and vindicate her Father once and for all! That means she's gonna have to embarrass a lot of officials within family court and law enforcement, who automatically thought the worst of me when they saw, read, or heard what I looked like.

Its over. As far as I'm concerned I've done my job. I've done all I can to remain that positive staple in my Daughter's life, but was unable to do so, due to the efforts of a scorned woman, who allowed her anger and spite to cloud her better sense of judgement, as it pertains to looking out for my Daughter's best interests. I could've played a very important role in her life, especially during those awkward, formative years growing up (boys). But her mother took the proper channels to prohibit it. NEVER say that a woman cannot stop a Father from being in their child's life! It simply isn't true!

Now what do I do with my newfound "riches"? I now have quite a bit of moolah that's just sitting around; monies that I haven't missed in over twenty years! What do I do? Spend it? Invest it? Buy a car? Let it just accumulate? Do they have any financial programs for Fathers who have just been "set free" of the Child Support shackles? That's an idea!

I'm glad I wrote this letter. It has proven to be very therapeutic for me. Somewhat, a vindication of sorts, and I hope I expressed myself well enough. And to the Fathers out there who are also experiencing this form of legal extortion, hold on, better days are coming. Fortunately, it doesn't last forever. Just count down the days.

Well, this is it for me. I'll holla at y'all later. I'm going shopping!