Just need some advice

Jacksambuck · 2014-11-22T11:09:27+00:00

That's fucking horrible. Can't you save for a bit and get a one-bedroom apartment? Any friends or family you might go to for help? Usually I'd say go to the cops about the abuse and rape, but it doesn't look like you need that sort of complication in your situation.

Embryo557 · 2014-11-22T12:34:01+00:00

I have no idea how much money you are pulling in but i know you get get a room at a shitty hotel for like 125 a week. Thats a lot. But it will get you by if you can afford it. Even working something part time will get you out of the hell hole you are in. Take my advice with a grain of salt as you are the one who has the choices to make. Pack up and leave when shes not home. If you have a recording device use it wisely. If you have to miss a few days of school talk with your teachers first. You are not alone, you can be helped but you have to have the courage to ask for it. The idea of being homless is scary as hell, she knows that and is why she keeps throwing you out. If you have a car set it up for cold weather. You can always go to a 24 hour store and just hang out until it warms up. As a veteran you also have resources, I don't know what they are as I'm a civi. Good luck brother, give us an update.

fuxorfly · 2014-11-22T08:59:17+00:00

I really sorry to hear about your situation, and I hope the people here can give you some good advice. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe and alive. I really don't want to hear you become a statistic.

KidDarkness · 2014-11-22T13:20:43+00:00

Do what you can to get a support group around you. Friends at school, anything. You need to have people looking out for you and who can be there for you if you need them. It might be hard to start small (like friendships normally start), but you've got to get people around you you can go to for help. And if you're in Atlanta, drop me a PM. My husband and I are nice people with a spare room.

guywithaccount · 2014-11-22T15:59:23+00:00

Empower yourself, dude. Save money, get another job if you can, find a cheap place to live and get the hell out. Make a plan and execute it. That's the only thing to do in this situation.

I wish I could say "report it to the cops" but that's more likely to hurt you than help you; they'll probably blow you off or take her side. Don't get them involved unless you think she's gonna do something to you that's worse than rotting in jail for a while and you can't get away.

Too bad there are almost no abuse shelters for men, but you could check to see if there's one in your area just in case. If things turn violent or you get locked out in the cold again you'll want a place to go in a hurry. Actually, if lows are below freezing there might be homeless shelters open, so look into that too... not exactly hotel living but it beats hypothermia. Gotta have priorities.

Related to the previous note: if there's a way that you can store some basic essentials outside of home, do it. Some extra clothes, money, maybe a credit card that you don't use for anything else, copies of important documents, whatever you would want if you had to climb out the window one night and never come back. A safe deposit box will work for small, valuable stuff, as long as you're able to get into it later. If you've got a friend nearby they'll let you store a box of bulkier stuff at their place (wouldn't be much of a friend if they didn't), otherwise maybe you could rent a locker or small storage space somewhere for a small monthly cost. If you've got your own car, you can probably put stuff like this in the trunk, glovebox, spare tire space, etc. where it won't get noticed, then you just need to hide an extra car key outside somewhere so you always have access.

If something's gonna interfere with your classes, best thing to do is talk to your teachers and let them know that you're dealing with personal issues that are interfering with your ability to study or do assignments - they don't need all the details, just tell them you're having to move out suddenly or something. Most will cut you some slack if you talk to them before you need it.

Last thing is don't let her know you're planning to leave. She sounds like a bit of a control freak and if she finds out you're sneaking out from under her thumb she'll probably freak out. Luckily you have the perfect excuse to find another job: she wants you to. Just be sure you're keeping some of that income for yourself.

JayBopara · 2014-11-22T16:56:16+00:00

It sounds like you're fucked man literally. No one in authority is likely to believe your words over hers, because you are a man. So I think you're fucked. Whatever you do, remember you are not allowed to defend yourself. Even if she ends up killing you, only your friends and family will really care. My advice is to move in with your parents or siblings if you can and get away from this psycho woman. Sorry for being pessimistic.

rukiara · 2014-11-22T16:57:06+00:00

Thank you for your service. As a wife of a military man I have never been through the privilege of serving my county I understand much of the struggle it can be even for those who served but weren't deployed. This brings me almost to tears and makes me wish I could wrap you in a blanket and give you hot cocoa while you heal, but alas not likely possible. There is not much to say but many have said it, do the hotel thing, get control of your finances there may not be shelters for men but there are for veterans. There is also housing programs, USE THEM!! You earned the right, take advantage of them and save your life.

You are valuable and you have more worth than that disgusting, vile woman. There are options, and you can utilize them. Document anything you can, if yoy are afraid of her finding it record it then make a dummy email account, save no records of it (I.e. dont dave the info on your phone or predictive text) and email it to your dummy account then delete it from your phone.

AriMerman · 2014-11-22T16:57:32+00:00

She has enmeshed and entrapped you. That you agreed to it is irrelevant. Because the agreement has changed 1001 times since your initial 'fuck it, i'll do it.' Unfortunately, the people who will take your side, and help you, as a man, are 1 in 1,000,000. The people who will believe and commiserate, are 1 in 1,000,000,000. The only way out of this is forward. For starters, don't give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if she does what you like one day, your mind will trick itself into thinking, believing and feeling like it will get better. It won't. She PICKED YOU, because of a deep, intuitive sense that she was, and is, stronger than you, in some contexts, and knew she could get away with it. Now she is GROOMING HER VICTIM to stay. It's very typical to have times where she is really good to you, then have it flip, and she be callous and mean. She is methodically and systematically and subconsciously stripping you of every last vestige of power, self-esteem, using tricks that, (i intend to piss you off, because your anger will help you leave) you have ZERO defense against. You're not a bad man for not knowing how to defend against this, or stand through it. You just now know what you want, and what you don't want, so fuck her and her mistreatment, and the next time you have an opportunity to leave, you, my friend, are going to GTFO, and say fuck your reservations.Fuck what could be. Fuck the 'it could get better'. Fuck the 'she's nice to me sometimes so maybe she will be again' fuck all of that and fuck everything that involves her. You're on your way out. Now it's just a matter of time, and logistics, and opportunities, before you MAKE HAPPEN what you have said you want to happen.

chocoboat · 2014-11-22T18:45:29+00:00

You have to find a way to get out of there. She is an abusive person and believes that because she provides financial support, she is entitled to have sex with you whenever she pleases.

DougDante · 2014-11-23T00:59:50+00:00

I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice.

You are a victim of domestic violence.

As a male victim, you have the same rights as any other victim. Please read and print the USDOJ VAWA civil rights FAQ:

http://www.justice.gov/sites/default/files/ovw/legacy/2014/06/20/faqs-ngc-vawa.pdf

Please also be aware of the culture of discrimination against male victims that exists in some US states, sometimes including crime. Please read our FAQ.

If I were you, I would consider recording evidence, keeping witnesses available, and recording my interactions with authorities if my party is a single party recording state.

If I were you, I would consider seeking shelter and services as a victim of domestic violence.

I wish you the best of luck.

Please do not kill yourself. If you feel the need, please go to the nearest ER, tell them you're a victim whose scared, frequently homeless, and suicidal.

Jacksambuck · 2014-11-22T11:39:30+00:00

This sounds like a feminist enjoying a little more female empowerment every day through the physical and psychological torture of a man. This is probably the only kind of steady relationship a man can hope for under feminism. A female sadist and abuser who enjoys watching you suffer up close and personal. I can understand why you stay. Not just fear, but this is really the closest thing to something steady and love right now. It's sick. If you're not interested in being all alone, getting divorced and paying child support or being cuckolded this is all there is.

Man, reading what you wrote nearly made me throw up because I caught myself thinking it sounds appealing compared to the other alternatives.

Title	Just need some advice
Author	bullshitthrowaway01
Upvotes	12
Comments	19
Date	November 22, 2014 8:56 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2n2gls/just_need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/just-need-some-advice.993067 https://theredarchive.com/post/993067

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