Masturbation is cheating

redgreenapple · 2014-08-12T02:29:37+00:00

just remember to re-read this post when you're in your late twenties and have matured. you'll think it's absurd.

guess what, you can love a person and cherish that person and find her incredibly attractive and hell even want to spend the rest of your life with that person, yet at the same time still find other attractive women attractive and appreciate their nice tits. it's not a big deal.

jesterace · 2014-08-12T02:33:12+00:00

im just looking for someone to convince me that watching porn in a relationship isn't cheating

No you're not. You've shielded yourself from having to hear any criticism by implying that anybody who disagrees with you is a dick. You're looking for validation, don't kid yourself.

cewubaaca · 2014-08-12T06:21:26+00:00

I'm going to try really hard not to put this in a way that appears rude, but I'm going to have to use a term that you might not like. Please understand that it is intended to try and get you to stop and think, not upset you.

You are a narcissist.

There are people here that are wondering why you have low self esteem, when that is the exact opposite of your problem.

You have convinced yourself that just because you are you, you are entitled to be the sole object of your boyfriend's biological urges.

Think about that for a moment.

What is it that qualifies you to be of such enormous worth that it is legitimate for you to think that you, and only you, should provoke a biological response in your boyfriend?

What is so great about you that you are entitled to dictate to someone what they can and can't enjoy about their own sexuality whilst they maintain a monogamous relationship with you.

Why on earth do you think that you are entitled to have his every sexual thought and urge revolve around you?

You show no empathy for him, only concern for your own feelings, and at the same time you come here for validation and attention.

Your crocodile tears seeking reassurance regarding your looks and 'feeling ugly' are blatant fishing for compliments and attempts to manipulate others to agree with you using victimhood as a tool.

Your replies show that you do not absorb nor internalise any of the replies that provide explanations that do not validate the feelings and opinion that you arrived here with.

So, in summary, you seek to manipulate and control in your relationship, your demands display an inherent self regard (indeed the whole post and context assumes it, daddy's little princess), you show no understanding or acceptance of views different to your own rejecting them at every turn and you display no empathy.

Narcissistic personality disorder can't be cured, but therapy can help you mitigate it so that you don't destroy the lives of everyone around you.

ghebert001 · 2014-08-12T03:24:11+00:00

my boyfriend watched porn and it completely is tearing me apart. I feel so un wanted, ugly, worthless, and just some piece of trash that hes just using for sex than is going to throw me away

A lot of women are insecure about their boyfriends watching porn. They don't understand that most times, it's not about them or him. Masturbation is a different urge than the urge to have sex and both serve different needs. If he's masturbating to porn to the point where it's affecting his day to day life or more importantly, his ability to desire you and have sex with you, then it's a problem. On the other hand, if masturbating to porn is just something he does in between sex or when you're not around each other for a few days and you both have a satisfying sex life then it's as normal as breathing.

You may think that he is seeking something in the women in porn that you don't have such as being more attractive, skinnier, bustier, etc. It has nothing to do with attraction. It's simply visual stimuli to make masturbation less of a "just fulfilling the urge" thing and more of a pleasurable experience.

I dont understand how you can claim to love someone and yet want other women? I dont understand how you could want to marry someone and then fantasize about other people?

Again, if he's avoiding sex and/or intimacy with you, then you have something to worry about but otherwise, he doesn't want those women in porn any more than he wants the girl he's checking out when you're not around. Guys look at other women because it's a normal thing to do even if you already have a girlfriend or wife. There's a difference in finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. With porn, you're not attracted to the people in them. You just use the sexual imagery to help you get off. It's not wrong to fantasize about other people. When you fantasize about Ryan Gossling in whatever romantic movie he happens to be in, you don't want him or are attracted to him are you? You just enjoy the emotional stimulation you get from these romantic fantasies the same way a guy enjoys the sexual stimulation he gets from porn based fantasies.

im so tired of everyone bull shit excuses that men are different than women its fucking bull shit.its just an excuse for guys to get away with whatever they want.

There's actually scientific evidence to show that men and women's brains are different. Whether you want to believe it or not, men and women ARE different and not just in the plumbing area. This article explains it in better detail.

I want to not feel so ugly

Maybe someone has already told you this but you are the only person who can make you feel ugly. If you feel ugly, you can't blame someone else. You can't change how other people behave, but you can change your reaction to them. Your worth as a human being is not based on anything that someone else does or says...it's all about how you view yourself and how much self-esteem you have. Nothing we say is going to change how you feel about yourself. You have to accept the fact that you're not perfect and neither is he. Masturbation is normal and healthy...so is porn if it's in moderation and doesn't interfere with his day to day life.

Exactly_what_I_think · 2014-08-12T03:09:00+00:00

So you want him to be frustrated and for you to be his only release.

The feminists like to pile on and reduce the meaning of abusive. I'm going to say you are sexually abusive.

Politely fuck off and learn that there should be a space after a period.

T5000X · 2014-08-12T03:18:41+00:00

You don't want people to treat your opinion like it's stupid? But it is stupid! How can anyone resist making a mockery of such an ignorant and poorly constructed mess of a rant? "We broke up because I didn't like him watching porn". I mean, it's like a validation of all the preconceived notions of teenage girls having a bloated sense of self worth, to think that someone else should base their life and habits around your lack of knowledge of biology, sociology, psychology, and given your age, life in general.

2014-08-12T02:19:59+00:00

shut the fuck up

liquid_j · 2014-08-12T07:49:07+00:00

Yeah, so how is this related to mens rights?

Here's the key to being a grown up in a grown up relationship. You do/don 't do the things you want/don't want to do. He can do/not do the things he wants/doesn't want to do. You get to chose if you want to be with him, but you can't choose what he does and the same applies to him. If you want a man who feels as you do, then find one, but don't try and force him to be someone he isnt. Your man is a masterbater. Accept it and either live with it or move on and find a man who dosent masterbate.... And good luck with that.

But please tell me what this has to do with mens rights.... i'm dying to know.

guywithaccount · 2014-08-12T02:43:08+00:00

Downvotin'

singin' the downvotin' song

UH!

MRSPArchiver · 2014-08-12T02:03:44+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

Gary-Busey- · 2014-08-12T02:55:43+00:00

Porn for men is different than a relationship. Men watch porn because well not to beat you over the head with it but men really are biologically set up different. Men react sexually to unfamiliar women because they are genetically set up to mate with as many females as they can. Women have a much different mind set, women can be much choosier than men since women want to produce the "best" offspring as opposed to just spreading their genetic code. (This is peeaking from a purely evolutionary psychology stand point I might add).

Sorry to be the break it to you but its been strongly researched and statements such as men are just set up different really do have quite a bit of validity to pit it bluntly.

This isn't to say men can't refrain from watching porn but it can certainly be more alluring than someone of the female gender may expect.

As for breaking up because you feel like he is going to "hit it and quit it" it seems that you may want to do some self reflection and ask your self why it makes you feel this way.

Self esteem may be a factor aswell but these are all things you have access too.

You may also want to consider stating what your definiion of "cheating" is. In my experience everyone has some slight or major variation of what cheating is to them be it emotional or physical.

Once you have mapped out what cheating is too you it may be good to have a conversation with your now ex and explain why you feel the way you do and not just how you feel.

Only stating your feelings doesn't allow your partner to fully undertand why you are upset and this is why couples must have an open avenue of communication to of why you feel a certain way.

Don't think working through this will be easy, there is no one thing that can fix it but the wonderful thing is you are the expert on yourself and you know how to best deal with your feelings over this.

My personal opinion on porn is that its not cheating since porn is an outlet for stress, sexual, frustration and hell even boredom.

Porn isn't a reflection of a person's partner but a great thing to learn from porn is what you partner might like weather its romantic or sexual.

Clearly something about porn is very interesting to your ex, ask him what that might be.

Telling someone something they enjoy is bad is often a good way to get that person mad at you.

But I'm just rambling on now, if you have any questions feel free to fire away.

Edit: spelling.

kizzan · 2014-08-12T03:04:03+00:00

I think very few non-religious people will say watching porn is a bad thing. Someone who has morals is also gonna tell you that they don't want to have sex before marriage. I am thinking (and I say this in the politest way possible) that you have to do some soul searching and decide if you are gonna find someone with morals or without and if you are gonna have morals or not. Certainly you may agree that it is hypocritical to not have morals in one area that you don't want to have it, yet demand that your man have morals in another area that you naturally don't struggle with.

Men struggle with this more than women. This is a fact. If you are gonna find someone and expect them to deny themselves then you should be expected to deny yourself as well in an area that you struggle with.

I apologize if this appears to be attacking. That is not the case, although I am being kinda blunt.

Captaincastle · 2014-08-12T13:55:46+00:00

EDIT: My boyfriend just admitted he isnt that attracted to me as much as the girls in the porn.No point in commenting I already feel like shit.

I don't believe this is true. I think this is either you admitting that this was a troll post, or you're lying to make yourself right.

Title	Masturbation is cheating
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	77
Date	August 12, 2014 2:03 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2dao6p/masturbation_is_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/masturbation-is-cheating.997048 https://theredarchive.com/post/997048

Comments