Name-Calling Double Standards

Lord_Pogo_Stick · 2023-08-23T01:01:48+00:00

If only it was just the cutesy names.

reverbiscrap · 2023-08-23T04:05:33+00:00

I use pet names for a handful of the women that I work with, but I never called myself a smart guy lol.

CrowMagpie · 2023-08-23T20:09:22+00:00

Happens to me all the time. I know that the individual talking to me doesn't mean anything by it, and I take it as a friendly idiom, nothing more.

Then I always go away and think about the double standard that lets her say that to me but would get me in trouble if I said it to her. But I let her say it, unless I hear that specific individual calling out a guy for the same thing (and that hasn't happened yet).

oneinmanybillion · 2023-08-23T05:42:02+00:00

Faced this at work in the past. One was touchy as well. She'd suddenly hold on to my shoulders or forearm while making conversation. Obviously didn't mean anything. That's just her way of conducting herself.

But yeah, I get where you're coming from. Turn it around the other way and it can quickly become a giant issue.

Some men have spoiled the whole equation for the rest of us. This is what we get for the sins of some men.

Stripes1974 · 2023-08-25T02:33:23+00:00

Talk to HR.

The reason why women get away with it is because we let them.If we as men, hold them to the same standards (and the same consequences and accountability) they as women hold us to, that is equality. And if it pisses them off to be held to those standards and consequences and accountability, then maybe they should look at their behavior.

When you talk to HR, remind them that if the genders were reversed, that they would likely be filing notes on you about potentially SH/SA behavior, and that you want the same thing done for you, that they would do for her, making a report about such behavior from a man. Get as much of it in writing as you can, and quietly (yes, this is likely not entirely legal, but it could save your ass later) voice record your interaction(s) with HR. Unfortunately, HR is not your friend-- and technically, HR isn't the women's friend, either, but women can make a bigger stink about being SH/SA than you, and so HR will side with them, to cut down on liability; HR looks after the company, not the employee-- so make sure that you look out for yourself.

In my opinion, only after you've spoken with HR, do you then say to the offender(s), if and when she (or they) call you by those names that you don't like, should you say, "I'd really like it if you didn't call me that any more; my name is xxxx, please call me by my name." ((And quietly record your interactions with that/those person(s) as well.)) Once you've informed them of your preferences, and you have it already on file with HR that you feel (threatened/triggered/harassed) because of the name-calling, you MIGHT have a case, going forward, if they continue doing that.

Mind you, I am NOT a legal representative, and I HAVE KNOWINGLY informed you of some potentially not legal activities (the recordings). I would advise you to do those, anyway, for your own safeguarding, because HR and the women in question will NOT be looking out for YOU, but you should be aware of what risks you take in doing any of those things (the recordings).

And yes, there is a risk with going to HR about the matter, as well.

The reason I suggest what I do, however, is stated at the beginning. As long as we allow women to be shielded from being held to the same standards they hold us to, shielded from the consequences of their actions when they behave in ways that would get us in trouble, and are shielded from the accountability for behaving in ways that are reprehensible, they will continue to feel like they can do what they want, and blame it on men/suffer no consequences.

Women say they want equality.I say, give it to them.

Title	Name-Calling Double Standards
Author	Skeleton_Warrior
Upvotes	30
Comments	5
Date	August 22, 2023 10:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/15yl9g5/namecalling_double_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/name-calling-double-standards.1229344 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229344

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