Question- Is dating futile?

throwaway0408800 · 2023-06-03T02:10:48+00:00

It's stacked against men to be sure.

Trying OLD? Brace yourself for a 5-1 ratio and a business model designed around failure of its customers (why would you keep paying otherwise), rampant with scammers

Show up for a date? Prepare to pay because doing otherwise is considered ungentlemanly

Protection neglected or failed? Indentured servitude next 18 years of your life

Wife feels like a change of scenery? Get taken to the cleaners in court

Comment on the broken reality of things? incel

IMO simp culture greatly facilitates all this. Millions of subscribers to OnlyFans alone, for a pathetic pretense at a relationship. But preying on men's insecurities has become another form of husbandry.

tiredfromlife2019 · 2023-06-03T00:43:26+00:00

Its futile if you're not Chad or not a beta who is ok with a woman settling for you cause she needs money.

Diligent_Divide_4978 · 2023-06-02T21:18:47+00:00

Dating isn't a lost cause if you're neurotypical and above average in looks. But be ready to go down 2-3 points in looks.

If you aren't, don't be a free agent in life. Let the blackpill guide you.

Ok_Night_7767 · 2023-06-02T23:37:27+00:00

Yes, I believe that it is futile and will remain so until a large number of men opt out of a game that is badly stacked against them. If the situation continues to degrade, then eventually enough will do so but, at the moment, it looks like too many boys are waiting for some other men to "take one for the team", leaving themselves with a better opportunity.

trempster404 · 2023-06-03T02:24:09+00:00

Yeah it's still futile but you are right about dating being mostly 'anti male'. I think few people actually care about men struggling with dating and may even find it funny. There's a lot of gynocentrism when it comes to issues on dating

BrainsBeforeBrawns · 2023-06-02T20:29:39+00:00

“Men are taught how to treat women, but not what to expect from them. Women are taught what to expect from men, but not how to treat men.”

Although the quote is a bit too general, it pertains to how people work.

CanComplex8695 · 2023-06-02T18:53:25+00:00

The risks of dating a modern woman outweigh the rewards.

enkilleridos · 2023-06-03T02:29:20+00:00

Bro I have problems with socializing to the point if I do get a woman interested in me she always turns out to be controlling and "trying to fix me". I'm at the point just trying to be friends with women is futile, dating is outside of the realm of possibility for me.

870yungin · 2023-06-02T17:19:51+00:00

Everyone will tell you otherwise ,but truthfully it really is pointless dating women as a man in this day and age.

aerial_coitus · 2023-06-03T01:07:01+00:00

Yes.

SecTeff · 2023-06-03T07:32:00+00:00

I think dating in your teens and 20s is incredibly difficult as a guy. You best bet is maybe try and meet someone with a shared interest / hobby / activity. Then the halo effect will rub off on you a bit.

In your 30s things get easier as women then want to settle down and at that point can’t all share the same top guy.

Poly_and_RA · 2023-06-03T12:33:26+00:00

(I have two distinct answers to this. Since they are about unrelated aspects; I'll post them as two different comments.)

Dating is difficult for young straight men in particular. The typical response to complaints from them is to accuse them of being "toxic" or "incels" while refusing to acknowledge that structural issues makes dating inherently more difficult for them than for other demographics. Age-patterns in dating means that there's substantially more single young men than single young women, and there's not really anything young men can do about it.

Imagine a hypothetical town with 1000 straight women and 1000 straight men in the 18-25 age-bracket and interested in finding a partner. Here's how that might work out:

700 of the women date 700 of the men
250 of the women date a man who is older than 25
50 of the men date a woman who is under 18

End-result?

There's now 250 single men left, and only 50 single women left. Things are hard for the men, and there's very little they can do about it. Dating even younger women isn't a good solution; both maturity-issues and age of consent issues makes that a bad solution.

Of course this also means that in the opposite end of the age-scale, in the group 70+ there's many more single women compared to single men. But that doesn't help those men who are 20 and lonely at all. It does mean there's more women than men who face old age without a partner though, so this age-discrepancy in dating does end up hurting both women and men. (just in very different parts of life)

_-Wizard-_ · 2023-06-02T18:54:02+00:00

Women raised under western civilization are failing to be respectable women. Dating isn’t completely ducked but it’s going in the wrong direction. Everyone loves modern western society for some reason. Eastern women that are yet to be corrupted by the negative personality traits that come with being raised Under a toxic divided society are being corrupted and turned into western women. It’s not completely hopeless but we as a society need to discuss this as a serious issue and actually do something positive like teaching each other to be more Virtuous and treat people how u want to be treated. Everyone just needs to be more kind, more honest, and aligned with quality Morals. I have nothing against women, but I do see a lot of negative personality traits in women that enjoy modern dating. Men are attempting to counter this by feeding into the toxic dating and people like Andrew gate and Myron are teaching men to be players and “high value” instead teach people to respect each other and be more virtuous. Fuck this player bullshit. If we want meaningful relationships then unmeanningful dating needs to be stopped.

Poly_and_RA · 2023-06-03T13:07:32+00:00

There's more than one way of doing dating, and more than one way of doing relationships.

I think alternatives to traditional monogamy are under-examined by many men. I'm NOT saying the alternatives are right for everyone; they're definitely not. But if you're sick and tired with the norms of "default" dating, perhaps it'd be worth it to at least learn enough about the main alternatives to be able to judge whether or not it's right for you?

For me personally, here's some of the things that's surprised me positively during the last ~4 years when I've been dating only non-monogamously.

It's less "all or nothing" -- even if someone does NOT necessarily want every part of a typical monogamous relationship i.e. things like cohabittion, shared finances and marriage; odds are pretty good that we can still find something we both enjoy sharing.
The norms are for more explicit communication about what you want, and for less things to be simply assumed. (For me as an autistic man, this is a particularly awesome thing!)
The expectation that you should be a "provider" is reduced. I mean if you have no plans of ever living together or having shared finances in the first place, it becomes the norm instead that each person is responsible for themselves. I live together with one of my girlfriends; but we co-own the apartment and split costs equally. Another girlfriend is long-distance -- and we share the costs of dates equally. (and have from day one)
Since you can't marry more than at most one person, most poly folks don't marry at all, so risks of having a ruinous divorce are reduced.
You don't have to choose between commitment, stability and long romantic relationships on the one hand; and novelty and the freedom to flirt with whomever you want on the other. Instead you can have both.
Having "comets" is normalized. A comet is someone that's not a part of your daily life and as such not a "partner" in the traditional sense, but that you have excellent chemistry with and are happy to have an intimate relationship with when you DO meet. Personally I enjoy this model quite a lot and for example in the last 12 months 4 different times spent a week with a Portugese comet of mine having awesome vacations; and lots of sex.
It allows you variety and to explore a bigger part of the sexual spectrum even if casual sex isn't something you're into; or even if you find casual sex-partners hard to find.
Traditional gender-norms are more often challenged in general, perhaps a side-effect of poly subculture having a lot of both bisexual people and nonbinary people.

For me dating has been anything but futile; to the contrary I feel as if I'm in heaven; if you'd told me at half the age that this would happen, I would've thought you were mocking me and considered it flat out impossible.

To be clear I'm NOT some kinda alpha-chad guy with piles of dating-privilege. To the contrary, I'm a 48 year old obese and balding autistic guy a bit shorter than average and with income lower than average for someone my age in my country.

champsammy14 · 2023-06-02T18:08:21+00:00

Not futile, just difficult to find quality people. 🤷🏾‍♂️

Current_Finding_4066 · 2023-06-02T23:40:48+00:00

You should decide for yourself. I think it is worth it. Yet, stay clear of the crazy ones.

Title	Question- Is dating futile?
Author	-Blueberry-1
Upvotes	40
Comments	42
Date	June 2, 2023 5:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/13yi98s/question_is_dating_futile/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question-is-dating-futile.1221077 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221077

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