/r/AmITheAsshole torches OP for ghosting a girlfriend that cheated on him and not wanting to enthusiastically father that girlfriend’s child, whom she withheld from him for 5+ years.

Throwaway Account

I (30m) am in an unforeseen situation and feel like the people I know in feel life are too close to the situation to give a less biased perspective and have come to Reddit.

First off, I am the type of person who doesn't like troubling other with potentially negative and/or life changing news until I have all the facts and, preferably, get all my ducks in a rows. I feel like wasting someone's time and causing unwarranted stress can be an A move. Now on to the story.

Six years ago I found out that my then girlfriend was cheating on me. The lease on our apartment was up for renewal and I had gotten a job offer in another state, so instead of angrily confronting her I ghosted her. Told asked my family to block her, which they readily did, and then blocked any mutual friends who encouraged me to reach out to her. Send a message to the side guy that he could have her and that I wouldn't be on social anymore. Although after about two months I was back on with new profile(s).

I was upset for a while but did move on and I am now engaged to my girlfriend of three years. Life was going great for me until out of the blue I was contacted by my ex who told me that I had a five-year-old son. Obviously, I called B.S. and blocked her but she managed to get a hold of my sister and she convinced me that I DNA test would be best. I unblocked her and said that until the DNA test proved I was the father I wanted no other contact with her. I told my fiancé that I needed to go out of town to handle unexpected family issue and that my sister would be coming with me. Since my sister was coming my fiancé didn't ask for details and the DNA test was done. Unfortunately, I'm tied to my ex for the next 13 years and I told my fiancé that very same day.

She was shocked and hurt that I kept this from her. However, I explained that I didn't want her to worry for nothing if the kid wasn't mine and that I was just trying to protect her. I understand that my fiancé will need time to process and reevaluate things and I'm giving her space. Although now that everyone is starting to find out that I have a son some of them are saying I'm TA for not telling my fiancé sooner. I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing but AITA?

ETA: Because I keep seeing this.

1. I ghosted my cheating ex because I didn't want to hear her excuses or see her cry. I didn't want to give her anymore of my time and a part of me took some satisfaction in thinking how she was going to struggle with the rent now that I was gone.
2. Between my ex contacting my sister and me telling my fiancé it was about 9 days.
3. The only reason my sister went with me was because she already knew and wanted to come. If my sister hadn't of known I would've gone alone. It wasn't because I trusted her more than my fiancé.
4. When I entered a relationship with my fiancé I wasn't aware that I was a father so I didn't "lie" when I was with her. I don't know why people think I withheld having a kid for years.