Self defense

Stripes1974 · 2014-10-27T18:31:39+00:00

I will say up front that I am not a person who is anti-feminist (as I understand feminism to be, not as I see feminism to be), and I am not pro-MRA. I am a man, who follows these posts, to see what others of my gender go through, to wonder what might be happening to address the craziness that I see happening in the wake of Elliot Rogers (sp), and to try to learn from the lessons of others who are going through shit that I hope I never experience for myself.

Occasionally, I'll see something I have to respond to- and so, here I am, and here I go...

What about simply avoiding swings and parrying their strikes. The parry can deflect and injure without taking a direct swing, grabbing and potentially harming them purposely.

If it were only that easy. Unfortunately, current anecdotal information strongly suggests that in violent or domestic violence encounters between men and women, the expectation of violence is biased towards men, meaning that it is expected that a man will be violent, and what this means is that the expectation is that men are not parrying or deflecting a woman's strike, that he is not the defender, not the victim, but that he is the initiator, that he is the aggressor, and the woman is the one defending herself. In effect, that his attempts at defending himself with efforts that involve the use of force, are seen not as defense, but attack. And because it is expected that men will be violent, that men will be the ones to initiate an attack, it is not very often believed that a man is the one on the defense, that the man could be the victim.

And you can't run? Why would you even want to risk perception when in the vast majority of cases, you have an exit available?

Because again, it isn't that easy. If, as a male, it can be demonstrated that I used force in any way, in order to make my escape, that evidence can be used against me. If a man is having an argument with a woman, and she is blocking him from leaving, she is often very aware of what she is doing. Whether she desperately wants him to listen to her, or wants to keep him from leaving before she delivers her "righteous" retribution, she knows that in order for him to leave, he has to go through her in order to do it. And in most such circumstances, she will fight in order to keep him from leaving. This leads directly to the point I listed previously- "that he is not the defender, not the victim, but that he is the initiator, that he is the aggressor, and the woman is the one defending herself". 'So why would you (as a man), even be there in the first place? Why wouldn't you leave before the argument began?' Because, unfortunately, there's no clear sign that a person holds up and says, "I'm about to start an argument!" What in one circumstance will sound like a problem and actually turn out to be laughter between the participants, may in another circumstance turn out to be domestic violence. And just like the current "M&M" parable, we men don't know if/that the argument is poisoned, until after it is too late.

What man isn't capable of defending himself against a woman? Personally, I'd be embarrassed to call myself a man if that were the case.

And the vast majority of men are embarrassed. And the vast majority of women know this about men, and in the midst of an argument or a domestic violence issue, they will use that knowledge to either ridicule men into being passive (to avoid having the police know that he is "a wimp" for being beaten/browbeaten by a woman), into action (to goad him into "beating on a poor, defenseless woman", and thereby be taken to jail), or to acquiesce (by threats of, "I'll say that you <fill in the blank> to me!").

I can't say that these questions were posted by women- but what I can say is that, more moderate women, or women who aren't in the midst of a domestic violence issue, seem to ask these questions, as though there are easy answers for men, as though these questions are fully reasonable to ask. And yet, when men have asked questions which were thought- by other men- to be fully reasonable to ask, like:

"Well, how was she dressed?" "Why didn't she fight back?" "Did she say 'no'?"

we're....well, let's just say that the responses seem to indicate that the question isn't seen as "reasonable to ask" by women. So let me state that these questions, about 'avoiding' women when in the midst of potential domestic violence issues, are just as NOT "reasonable to ask" by women, as are questions of how a woman could not avoid rape by a man, are NOT "reasonable to ask" by men.

Until we can, as PEOPLE-- not just WOMEN, or not just MEN-- but until we can, as PEOPLE, figure out how to behave with civility and compassion, and act with just and proper actions in all occasions, and not just to benefit one gender (or race, or culture, etc.), we will ALWAYS have these problems.

And we will always have to be careful of one another.

smackypies · 2014-10-27T16:13:03+00:00

This shit is so bananas.

Could you imagine a fat woman being raped, defending herself, and then later getting in trouble for not restraining her attacker in a safe and controlled manner?

the-tominator · 2014-10-27T13:36:08+00:00

Recording it or getting someone else to record it is your legal defense. Otherwise people would just presume you started it or acted too aggressively. Because penis.

Try to avoid retaliating as long as possible so it's clear you didn't start it and were defending yourself. Then respond appropriately, watching out for the biting and scratching and foul play you may well encounter.

Bit of a minefield that's hard to not loose really. You could very well be branded the bad guy and attacked by onlookers simply by trying to prevent an angry woman from knawing through your arm.

Because women often think (and physically are 80% of the time) they're the underdog, they justify using 'cheat moves' and putting more force into it. Can't imagine a guy scratching or biting a girl unless he was actually in serious danger.

blarghenwarbles · 2014-10-27T12:41:06+00:00

Could just bear hug the attacking woman and hope they don't try to bite your ear off.

Monkeyweather · 2014-10-27T17:59:16+00:00

Bill Burr would teach it.

mentalentrails · 2014-10-27T16:58:48+00:00

And you can't run? Why would you even want to risk perception when in the vast majority of cases, you have an exit available?

Wargame4life · 2014-10-27T17:36:00+00:00

If its captured on film and you know what you are doing you can full force punch a woman in self defence and not be prosecuted provided its clear what you have done and you only throw one punch.

Any more and its not reasonable, you are under no obligation to minimise force and "see how it goes " you are under every obligation to defend yourself as you do with just a single punch and then stopping when there is no threat.

This is assuming she hit you and not just pushed or slapped you.

YabuSama2k · 2014-10-27T20:04:39+00:00

Pepper spray.

Title	Self defense
Author	mentalentrails
Upvotes	15
Comments	46
Date	October 27, 2014 12:26 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/2kghw5/self-defense/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/self-defense.1622319 https://theredarchive.com/post/1622319

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