Young men support

Suspicious-Candle123 · 2025-04-11T21:46:30+00:00

That you aren’t born with original sin just because you are a man.

rabel111 · 2025-04-12T01:00:48+00:00

First, get rid of this insulting idea that boys are afraid of looking weak. They are not. They know how weak they are. They are afraid of how others 'treat' them when they honestly talk about their feelings. They have been continually been brutalised by their mothers, their teachers, their female peers, every time they talk about their feelings.

Their ideas, experiences and emotions have been ridiculed and undermined, reframed as toxic masculinity, Andrew Tate inspired, misogynistic violence. They know from experience that everything they say will be categorised, pathologised and reframed to describe them as flawed, stunted, dumbies.

So when you ask them about their experiences, its not their own fear of appearing weak that makes them reticent to speak. Its you.

wumbo-inator · 2025-04-12T03:01:41+00:00

When I was 16 there was basically 0 discourse anywhere on issues men and boys faced. Maybe if you were proficient in the internet and searched for a long time.... but no practical way to find discussion. Just having a space would have helped me because I truly did feel like I was 100% alone.
I also was sexually abused by a few different women and I wish I could speak out about that. Online I can, in real life I cannot.
I work in healthcare and there are many specific men’s issues in healthcare, but healthcare is often times female dominated. Men’s issues like the fear of a false accusation, being sexually assaulted while everyone laughs at you, or always being given the heavier and more violent patients at the expense of your body and safety, are all issues that are very prominent in the healthcare setting and can even be probable depending on your role in the hospital... but if you talk about it, the nurses, nurse assistants, respiratory therapists, etc... will legitimately hate you for it and may even conspire against you. I’ve had multiple men tell me their horror stories, but it always had to be behind closed doors. One guy literally told me he brought me down the hallway to speak to me because if the nurses even heard him talking about his experience they’d get angry.

New-Cold-1113 · 2025-04-12T03:53:20+00:00

im not scared of being seen as "weak" i dont want to deal with the social consequences of being labelled "incel" publicly by revealing my issues. ppl who use that word are always gleefully licking their lips with bated breath for any chance to abuse us. why would i give them ammo.

AnFGhoster · 2025-04-12T00:00:53+00:00

Alright, this is one of those times where my experience will be helpful to someone willing to listen.

I've help look after an informal support group coming on 7 or 8 years now. It was started by a bunch of us that have been through """help""" services like therapy or social work. Most of us had given up on it. At the time some of us in the beginning were minors but we don't take anyone under 18 anymore because all the "old men" of the group are approaching their 30s.

All of the boys (men now but we still call each other as "boys") have been assaulted, abused, neglected, or otherwise traumatized. Mostly by women. And because of that getting help through more traditional means was..."less than helpful." Well to say it without my normal euphemism it was re-traumatizing for many.

We were mocked, belittled, treated like jokes, and really none of it was taken seriously. Which is why the group exists at all.

Your first hurdle

Im a female

Is this.

We had decided to let some "big sister" types in in the hopes that if the younger men saw them trying to help they would be less inclined to be threatened and intimidated by women. It was mostly unhelpful. Most "put their armor back on" around them. They closed up and refused to open back up as long as any sort of meeting was mixed sex to any degree. And...as much as I was on board with this idea I can't exactly blame them. Even with my own level of self-awareness regarding things like this I still find it infinitely more comfortable to confide in men than in women. I'm on guard and cautious around them. We don't want to look "weak" as you put it (I wouldn't, it's almost a stereotype at this point. It's more like a fear of being vulnerable again and paying for it.) around women because many are afraid that what is said will be used against us later. "Do not loose the arrow which will return against you" as the proverb goes. And I certainly understand this mentality.

A lot of men and boys do not respond well to women in these situations. Can they respond well? Sure but I wouldn't put money on it every time.

They need to be made to feel safe with someone that they don't relate to and may even see as a potential threat. Not an easy task. A lot of boys and men have been stung very badly by trusting again too quickly. And that takes a lot to work around.

iainmf · 2025-04-11T21:21:23+00:00

It's a cliche that men are afraid of looking weak. I don't think this is true, exactly. I think men have learned that people treat them badly when they think they are weak. It perfectly reasonable to be hesitant to do things that end up hurting you.

Respect is really important to men, and young men don't have a lot of ways to gain respect. Older men can get respect through knowledge, experience or success. Young men are at the start of their journey, so it is difficult to gain respect and very easy to lose it.

I think having someone tell me they respect me, and be specific about exactly why, would have been incredibly validating for me at that age.

I have also found it really encouraging and validating when people ask me for advice. If you get the opportunity to genuinely ask these young me for advice about something that will show you respect them. For example, "you know a lot about X, can you help me understand it better?" or "You are pretty perceptive, can I ask you about somethung I need help with?"

mrkpxx · 2025-04-12T06:53:50+00:00

I've found that many young men are afraid to talk about mental health for fear of appearing "weak" or being ridiculed.

That's not really true.

Men are afraid to talk about their weaknesses for fear that the intimate details will be used against them later. And that's the case with men. They are humiliated when they show weakness.

lordDandas · 2025-04-12T11:49:03+00:00

Asking for help everyone, all the time. None cares. Everyone turned against me.

No actually they do care, they somehow see my struggles as a direct attack against them. So if I express hurt or discomfort, I am "hurting" them.

Nothing better than showing signs of depression and get told "Why are you doing this to us ?" And I am not even masculine.

monoculos · 2025-04-12T14:17:27+00:00

Just talk to them with kindness and respect, don't judge them and kindly ask them how they feel.

Ventynine · 2025-04-12T21:26:10+00:00

I’m currently 20 and I honestly don’t know how to answer you. I don’t know what I wish someone would tell me, I don’t think I want someone to tell me anything, I just wish society was equal and fair for all.

With that being said, I think the fact that you care is enough. Just keep being a good person and keep doing a great job and helping people equally. Thank you for caring.

craigmunday · 2025-04-13T03:53:50+00:00

Just don't push feminist ideas of masculinity onto men. To be honest, women can do very little to help young men. Find them a male role model who doesn't subscribe to feminist thought.

KirillNek0 · 2025-04-12T09:25:48+00:00

No. Go away. We all very well aware of HOW this will end for young men.

Your kind of people won't help, and have zero interest and intentions of doing any help.

Organic_Tea8264 · 2025-04-12T19:35:34+00:00

A lot of things tell men to get mental health help to get therapy and don't listen to what other people say and if they say getting therapy is wrong it's not it's helpful mention be afraid to talk to somebody or get therapy without being ridiculed made fun of or any of that they should be able to do it without any of that stuff

ReceptionInformal749 · 2025-04-13T10:17:14+00:00

Genuine answer : be with them, mother them like an empathetic friend Authentic answer : you can't. Not their fault. How can they trust. A seemingly good women took advantage of them, how can they be so sure about you.

CeleryMan20 · 2025-04-13T11:02:07+00:00

Maybe I’m different, I find it easier talking to women than men. (Though that is changing a little these days.) And I was like that as a teenager all those decades ago. So don’t let being a woman stop you, it depends on the client who they can relate to.

People talk about good male role models, but we need good female role models too. Most of the women I know offline are logical and intelligent. That’s not necessarily true for the girls and women in these kids’ lives.

I don’t know what someone could have said to me as a teenager. Maybe “hang in there, it gets better … then it gets worse”. You might reword the last bit. Maybe ask them about bullying and cliques, what’s the pecking order their school or workplace?

When I was that age we were having “deep and meaningfuls” about the meaning of life and nature of reality (e.g. Materialist vs Subjectivist philosophy). Teenage-hood is a time when people question their parents’ values and look at the big questions. I don’t know if there is a way to use that or if touching those things causes more problems.

I can think of a couple of things not to do.

(a) Don’t make it all about feelings. You’ll seem like that girlfriend who wants to “talk about where this relationship is going” two dates in. Give them facts and figures or talk about practicalities. Though I think sometimes CBT goes too far in the problem-solving direction.

(b) Don’t use feminist terminology. If they are school-age, the majority of their teachers, the authority figures, are women. (I don’t know what country you’re in, but this is probably true in most of the anglophone countries.) Try telling these young people that they are an oppressor class and adult women are an oppressed class? That will directly contradict their personal experience. Use phrases like “gender expectations” or “the man box” instead of “patriarchy” or “toxic masculinity”. The latter two have been abused to deliver “females good, males bad” messaging. Don’t talk about their school having a “rape culture”, that term was originally coined to refer to prisons.

Gen_X_Xoomer · 2025-04-16T04:00:48+00:00

Feminists have destroyed education for boys. For decades they’ve fallen behind in school, life, and love. We now have millions of uneducated, unemployed, angry men who will find their voice one day.

It’s interesting you’re looking at the problem. The best way forward is active listening. Don’t interject. Just listen. No judging! That’s how you get men to open up.

Significant-Sale7802 · 2025-04-17T05:11:39+00:00

Honestly, that boundaries are healthy and not an form insecurities. Also that insecurities are not negative, but that something is making you feel anything other than secure.

Clan-Destin · 2025-04-12T10:25:51+00:00

Bonjour,

Tout d'abord merci pour eux d'avoir fait ce choix de carrière !

J'ai une expérience de vie assez hors normes, aillant connu la violences familiale, les services sociaux, une scolarité chaotique, jeune mineur SDF, alcoolique et drogué avant mes 16 ans

Ce qu'il m'a manqué le plus étant enfant c'est le rapport à l'âge, les gens ne fesaient que survoler certains sujets pour me "préserver" alors que j'étais surexposé et bien plus au fait des sujets en question qu'eux même, j'ai toujours eu de l'instinct pour discerner les gens (quand ta vie en dépend tu apprends vite à savoir faire les différences et intensités) et beaucoup d'adultes à l'époque parlait de moi en disant "sensible" pour parler de cette capacité, ça plus ma patience qui était prise pour de la faiblesse et ça me rendait faible aux yeux des autres

Si l'on m'avait parlé en terme différents je n'aurais pas mis autant de temps à exploiter certaines capacités, j'aurais cessé de repousser mon sens instinctif et j'aurais évité ainsi une multitude de carrie mentale ainsi que de nombreuses trahisons

Je n'aurais pas attendu 30 ans passé pour comprendre que j'étais neuro-divergent, que le décalage que j'avais toujours ressenti avec les autres était lié à mon sens de l'analyse, que mes différents intérêts n'était pas de la perdition mais une vraie quête de sens, que les excès de consommation étaient liés à ma conscience et qu'importe le niveau de toxicité atteint je resterais conscient

J'ai eu la chance de croiser assez d'adultes parci par-là pour comprendre que tout ça n'était pas lié à l'âge, ni à l'expérience, que beaucoup de mes problèmes ne relevaient finalement pas de mon exposition ou de mon cercle familial

Par mon expérience j'ai arrêté d'appeler au secours car trop souvent tombé sur messagerie, j'ai arrêté d'avoir peur de la solitude pour comprendre qu'il est souvent préférable de gérer uniquement ses choix et fautes car quand il faut payer on est souvent tout seul

J'aurais aimé savoir qu'il y a beaucoup beaucoup d'autres gens qui ont traversés ce que je vivais et tout comme les alcoolique anonyme le principe de aidance aurait pu apporter un peu d'argument face à mes démons, aurait pu apporter un peu de lumière dans cette ruelle sombre et sans fin

La détermination s'apprend par le sang et les larmes mais l'accompagnement transforme ça en apprentissage

Accepter que tous se croient supérieur par l'âge ou l'expérience

J'ai passé les 16 premières années de ma vie à attendre de ne plus subir leurs volonté, les 15 suivante à en faire le deuil et ces seulement ces dernières années que je suis libre, que j'ai retrouvé le goût des choses que je mangeais, que je sens le soleil et le vent, que je suis entouré pour qui je suis vraiment, que l'on m'adresse le respect qui m'a toujours été dû...

J'ai parcouru une bonne partie de l'Europe à pieds et je peux vous garantir que ce que je dis là manque à énormément de gens, enfants, ado comme adultes... Homme ou femme...

Encore une fois, merci pour eux, pardon si je ne suis pas clair, j'ai laissé tout ça sortir

Bonne continuation

Title	Young men support
Author	Bubbly_Peace2581
Upvotes	45
Comments	32
Date	April 11, 2025 8:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1jwz6p1/young_men_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/young-men-support.1549278 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549278

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