I normally hate posts that try to break-down how women evaluate a man's SMV. That's not the point of this post, and if that's what you get out of it, you're doing it wrong. I'm merely going to give a rubric to illustrate a point about how we should go about improving our SMV - both as married men and singles.

I was in New York City last week for vacation - more on that to come in another post. But after going to shows on Broadway, hitting up a comedy club, spending time at the bar, and simply walking the streets, I had a lot of opportunity to people watch, overhear conversations, and discuss things with some of these people. It affirmed a lot of what I already suspected to be true about how women evaluate a man's SMV and why some men are trying focusing too much on areas where they will make too little gains.

THE RUBRIC

Now, I don't mean this to be a hard rubric to follow. Everyone is going to evaluate things differently, but here's how I've observed women on the whole evaluating men over the last year, and especially in the last week:

  • Looks: 3 points

    • 1 point for being of a reasonable body size
    • 1 point for being muscular (6 pack, bouncing pecs, etc.)
    • 1 point for having good hygiene, grooming, and fashion sense
    • Points can be lost if you have noticeable physical abnormalities, like an unusual scar or burn marks

  • Confidence/alphaness/frame: 3 points

    • 90% of men have 0 points for being a typical beta
    • 1 point for showing initiative, passing tests, and having the balls to tell her no
    • 1 point for not getting butthurt or being beta-controlling (ex. mate guarding, making rage-demands)
    • 1 point for being OYS and intentional about managing your life and affairs (mission and steps thereto)

  • 1.5 points for your financial position and/or prospects

    • If you earn less than $40,000/yr and have no career ambitions you get no points
    • 1/2 a point for every $20,000 after that

  • 1 point for charm, charisma, wit, personality, etc.

  • 1 point for social status and preselection

  • 1/2 point for morality, ethics, and philosophical consistency with one's lifestyle

CAVEAT 1: Remember, this is just a general rule of thumb. Maybe I need to readjust a point here or there, or I left something off the list that deserves its own point or half. Whatever. This is meant to illustrate a point, not to be an ultimate guide to male SMV calculation.

CAVEAT 2: There are some things that aren't on the list because they're general disqualifiers. A godly Christian woman won't date a non-Christian guy. This doesn't mean he has a lower SMV to her. She might be highly sexually attracted to him, but she has an appropriate spiritual boundary she won't cross. This scale isn't meant to address that.

THINGS TO NOTE

First, I did NOT mention things like: shared interests, how affectionate he is, sentimentality, signs of ability to commit, etc. Those might be relevant in one's Relationship Market Value, but not one's SMV

Second, Unlike men, women can re-assign points at their discretion for exceptional features. So, if a guy makes $500,000/yr he might get 3 points on finances, and they'll just steal the other 1.5 points from somewhere else. Or if the guy is incredibly charismatic, funny, and flirtatious, he might get 2 points and she'll steal the missing point from somewhere else that he's lacking.

Now, you'll note why the alpha/beta dynamic gets talked about here so much: because most guys have a full 3 points to gain from that improvement. Lifting gets brought up as one of the basic things because most guys can gain a whole 2 points from that. Imagine that - you go from being a chubby beta to a fit alpha and you could potentially have increased your SMV by 5 points right there - probably more than your total value to begin with. So, even if you're not charming or witty and you have no popular friends, just for being a physically fit alpha who is a decent human being with a solid job, you already potentially are a 7.5.

From there, learning to flirt, building your social circle, and earning that bit of extra cash will make up the difference to your being a perfect 10.

WHERE IT GOES WRONG

But here's what I see in the world (not necessarily here): many guys who are already a 2 on looks spending tons of time worrying about how to get that third point rather than working on the 3 points they could be gaining in their assertiveness and frame development.

What I imagine is more common to a sub like this is the guy who is probably already a 2-2.5 on his confidence/assertiveness, and would rather perfect his frame than hit the gym to get rid of that spare tire.

Or the guy who wants to learn how to flirt and be a charming conversationalist in order to get that one point rather than focusing on the easy 3 points he could get from working on his appearance and frame.

SELF-EVALUATION

Before discovering RP and through most of my marriage, my SMV was probably something like this:

  • Looks: 1 point

  • Alphaness: 1.25 points

  • Finances: 1.25 points (even though I do earn 6-figures, my wife does too, so it's not impressive enough to her to max this for me)

  • Charm: 0 points

  • Social Status: .75 point

  • Ethic: 1/2 point

    • TOTAL: 4.75 - a loser

Compare this to my wife, who at the time was probably an HB8-8.5 (although some of that may be due to my personal preferences). It's no wonder I had a dead bedroom. She saw herself as having married down in terms of SMV.

Today, I'd evaluate myself something like this:

  • Looks: 2.25

  • Alphaness: 2.75

  • Finances: 1.25

  • Charm: .75

  • Social Status: 1

  • Ethic: 1/2

    • TOTAL: 8.5

LOW HANGING FRUIT TIER 1

Notice where my gains came from so far:

  • Looks: 1.25 points - The first thing I did was focus on my looks. Most of my noticeable gains happened in the first few months. After that, I doubt my wife could see the difference between my benching 265 and 285. I lost weight, gained a ton of muscle, and started dressing nicer both around the house and in public. In terms of body shape and build, I'm slightly above average (1.75-2), but I give myself an extra .25-.5 because of my improved fashion sense, hygiene, etc. and the fact that I'm getting hair cuts every 3 weeks now instead of every 6 months. On the whole, this was the easiest place for me to start because I already knew how to lift and diet. I just had to do it. That's low-hanging fruit number one.

  • Alphaness: 1.5 points - After the first couple months of lifting, my confidence level started increasing, giving me the internal license to start practicing being more assertive and drawing harder boundaries. Since then, I've come close to capping what I can improve in this area. There are still a few situations where I'll act butthurt, so I can't give myself full points, but I've made significant improvements and the effect on our relationship is noticeable. My wife complained last week that she gets frustrated at times that she feels as if I act "too dominant" and that "sometimes I feel like you do things just to prove your dominance." Part of me says this is a good thing, part of me says I probably need to tone it down a bit - either way, better balance can be had, but I've definitely tipped to the other side of the scale from where I was.

  • Charm: .75 points - After I saw physical gains and developed a solid frame, I figured the next easiest thing to work on (without neglecting the previous ones) was my charisma. I was generally a goofy guy who could make people laugh and think, but pathetic-funny is different from confident-funny. This was another easy one to turn around, fueled by the increased confidence from lifting and developing my frame. I learned to flirt, employ some kino (an area I could still work on a little), re-brand the way I tell jokes, etc.

  • Social Status: .25 - I didn't actually have to do anything for this, as it adjusted naturally over time based on the improvements I made in other areas. I just didn't stifle social opportunities as they increasingly presented themselves. As I have improved, I have drawn more attention from others, which my wife notices and values in the relationship, triggering preselection when it's female attention and general social standing when it's from other guys.

LOW HANGING FRUIT TIER 2

So, I hit all the easy low-hanging fruit. I picked it all. Does that mean I'm done? NO! I've just got to go up a tier. I have to actually get out my ladder. I'm not going to climb to the very top of the tree yet, but I do have to start picking from a separate tier of branches on the tree.

So, where do I go from here? Do I try to get that last quarter point on charm or the last quarter point on finances? No, that would take immense amounts of effort to go beyond what I've already developed there. Those ones can wait.

Instead, my focus going forward is on dieting and lifting. Yes, I've already made significant improvements. I have my full point from hygiene, fashion, etc. I have .75 points for my body size, and half a point from my muscle - which should actually be higher, but because the definition is still hidden beneath that other .25 points of body size I'm lacking, the muscle I have isn't exactly showing to the degree I'd like. Once my body size decreases, my muscular frame will be far more pronounced. So, by working at the .25 points on my body size (i.e. dropping from 16% BF to sub-12%), I'll actually be gaining .75 points.

Right now, I will see more gains from making this effort from anything else. It won't be easy, but it will have a more noticeable impact on my relationship than gaining a combined half a point from upping my income and charm. Those would be far more difficult than dieting and cardio (without neglecting the lifting) for a couple months. It might take 2 years and countless hours of marketing myself before I see any actual improvement on her attraction to me due to financial gains. It's just not worth it. Likewise, working on charm and charisma literally involves changing parts of your personality to become accustomed to doing things you never used to do. Developing those kinds of habits only happens over long periods of time. I'll be working on that too, of course, but it's not where I'm expecting to see the next wave of improvement just yet.

APPLICATION

So, now I ask you all:

  • Are you still in your first tier of low hanging fruit? If so, which ones are the lowest? What will reap the easiest gains? How much effort will you have to put in to accomplish it?

  • Are you on your second tier or higher? Although all of it is worth the time and energy, is there anything that you can start building a foundation for now so that the third tier and beyond will be easier when that time comes?

  • Are you appropriately balancing your efforts? Or are you trying to master something you're already proficient at? Are you that meathead at the gym who would rather spend time getting his bench from 290 to 300, or the guy who's fine with sitting at 290 for a while in order to read the sidebar and work on passing tests, saying no, STFU, and developing a mission?