Seriously. What would Jesus do.

2022-02-26T04:56:25+00:00

This post is going to get locked unless you obey rule 2 and post stats.

Also there is so much going wrong here it's like the red march has strolled into town and you didn't see the red flags of her behavior. Your situation is why RP says marrying single moms is a bad idea.

For a situation like this you trying to love her is like taking a big fat roll of sand paper and shoving it up her butt. She won't like it one bit.

The reason she is reacting this way is because of S test and you are getting a lot of them because she sees weakness. And also because she doesn't see you as attractive.

rocknrollchuck · 2022-02-26T05:51:22+00:00

~~Locked until you provide stats. Message me when you post them and I'll unlock it.~~

My simple advice here is this: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING TO THIS RECEPTION. PLAY ALONG UNTIL THAT MORNING. THEN LEAVE HER HANGING. SHUT YOUR PHONE OFF FOR THE ENTIRE DAY AND LEAVE TOWN.

If you go, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of this behavior.

Imagine the embarrassment when her husband doesn't show up to the wedding reception. Let her come back to you (or not) after that - on your terms.

In the meantime, read the Sidebar like your marriage depends on it. Because it probably does.

Red-Curious · 2022-02-27T05:18:59+00:00

STFU. It takes two to argue, dude. She doesn't respect you because you DEER like crazy and don't have a mission she's actually excited to be on.

My mission in life is please God.

What you do to please God is your mission. This is just a vague statement.

How I am going about that mission is by becoming the best version of myself.

Good - you took it the next step to something active. I respect that. But do you see how your mission is so introspective that she has no actual place in it? How will she be able to boast to God on the day of Judgment about what you two accomplished with your lives if all you accomplished is, "I got better at being me," and she says, "Yeah, all I did was help him be himself better."

All I really want to achieve in life is to know my fully and know God as much as he reveals to me.

Very low bar. Once you've read the Bible once, you will know what God has revealed to you about himself. You may not understand it all at once, but that's not even the point. The point is that God's going to judge you by what you've done. 2 Cor. 5:9-10 says that even the believer will be judged by what we've done: "so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad." God's going to care a lot less about how much you know him than he will in what you did with that knowledge about him.

Consider the man with the talents. Matthew 25:24 shows that he knew and understood his master: "I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed." Okay, so what did he DO with that knowledge? Verse 25: "so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours." He did nothing with it.

Your mission, as worded, is to become this guy right now - to know God, but not a single speck of what you're planning on doing with that knowledge. Are you going to produce in others what God gave to you? Or are you going to keep what God gave you, hide it so you don't lose it, and hope that knowing your master and not losing what he gave you is enough. Because what happened to that guy in the end of the story?

I assume you should know better than this. But, again: as-worded, your mission is not a mission at all, or it's a worthless one at-best. Your mission is really more like a first checkpoint on the way to what your mission actually ought to be. Read Matthew 28:19-20 for more insight on what your mission should be, because Jesus gave you a mission.

Okay, with all that out of the way, I'm with /u/rocknrollchuck. You would be a FOOL to go to this party. Don't do it.

Right now, she's wearing the pants in the relationship. You say you're "definitely a leader amongst my peers," but you're clearly not in your own home. She has absolutely zero respect for you. That is the problem you need to fix first. Nothing you do will help until you start earning respect. That starts with becoming respectable.

This is the reason I opened my comment the way I did - because learning how to STFU, stop DEERing, and getting on board with a mission that actually matters to eternity are all great starting points for you to become a respectable Christ-follower.

Until then, what good can attending this thing actually accomplish?

Part of me feels like I should go because Jesus gives us grace especially when we do not deserve it.

Jesus actually told a parable of a wedding banquet in Matthew 22. A king invited a lot of people. They disrespected him and wouldn't come. Did the king have grace on them? Nope.

"The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city" (v. 7)

You're caught in this blue pill mainstream churchianity mindset that "Christians should be nice all the time, and anything we do that could possibly upset someone else - especially someone we are supposed to love - is automatically sin."

Horse crap.

You know what Jesus said when some guy wanted to say goodbye to his family before following? "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62). Do you think Jesus did the "nice" thing and waited for that guy so they could all go on their way together? Do you think he said, "Oh, I should love your family too and even go with you while you say goodbye"? No. The impression the story gives is that these people ended up not following him - or if they did, it's because they relented of their position.

Doing the "nice" thing here is not the "Jesus" thing in this situation.

You need to start doing with your life what Jesus wants you doing. Figure out how to make disciples. Join the discord here and get involved in conversation (i.e. voice chat). Share what you're learning. Tell us what relationships you're trying to develop with non-Christians or younger believers and we'll help build you up. We WANT to build you up. But right now you need to be torn down a bit because the way your life and marriage is built at this point is damaged enough that instead of a few minor tweaks, you need to start from the ground up.

Once you're doing something meaningful with your life and you've developed a solid frame (again, things we can help you with), you will be in a better place to re-engage with your wife. Until then, your primary job is just to keep the peace. This is best accomplished through STFU and avoiding DEERing. Minimal contact, if possible. Give us 30 days with you and we'll get you to the point where you can engage in a healthier way (any longer than that and your separation will seem too status-quo and make it harder to recover).

Praexology · 2022-02-27T16:23:39+00:00

I have become more mature than i have been. I read my bible probably 4-5 times a week. I pray constantly and I consider Jesus to be my Best friend.

Praying and reading scripture is not the mark of spiritual maturity - spiritual reproduction is.

My mission in life is please God. How I am going about that mission is by becoming the best version of myself.

So you are reading scripture but have missed what Christ has required of us. Reread Matthew 28.

Now to your post.

me in turn will react to her attacks. It has caused me to act rashly towards her and do things I thought I would never do.

So you are not the progenitor of your own actions - she is. This is a poster child representation of "living in her frame".

This caused her to threaten divorcing me and blaming all of our problems on my alleged inability to let go of things,

Bring it up to your church leaders or community, then if she decides to walk away you must let her.

Matthew 18:17

1 Cor. 7:15

she says she never said she hates me or that I do nothing right.

Then let her leave.

I have been patient as I possibly could all of this.

Then your patience is inadequate because you let her make you betray yourself.

I am honestly trying to love her as Christ loved the church.

What do you think this means? Christ died for the bride who wanted him and rejected those who reject him.

wkndatbernardus · 2022-02-26T21:55:31+00:00

It sounds like she didn't discover that you're a fat weakling until you two got married and now she has buyer's remorse. My suspicion is she wants the reception to save face/get validation from her family/friends, not to celebrate your union in Christ. So, the question is, do you want to play a roll in this production of "My Life is Great, Be Jealous" or do you want to take your sack back? It will take an extreme turn around on your part to right this ship (beginning with losing 60+ lbs and ratcheting that income up) because she doesn't respect you but, you won't know if you should divorce her until you straighten yourself out first.

sad_decision3628 · 2022-02-27T11:20:28+00:00

I think much of the advice you have gotten here is bad.. all I'm going to say is that I will add you to my prayer list.

PRW63 · 2022-04-28T19:18:49+00:00

Arguments come from frustrations. Frustrations come from other problems. A wise man once said, "Any man who argues with a woman,...doesn't understand women". Reading your post I felt frustration toward you coming up in myself, but it was more intangible, emotional,...not something that one can point at a specific thing. That is exactly what she as a woman would experience. The difference with me is that as a man who is driven by logic and reason above emotion I remain in control,...but a women who is driven by emotion first with logic and reason secondly,... she gets out of control and you get exactly what you got from her. So from the perspective of female nature there is no surprise here, she behaved exactly as I would expect. That is why when you asked what she was mad about she said "everything". Why? Because that is how the emotions work,...the emotions are overwhelming which translates to "everything". You were asking about an itemized grocery list and she is answering with how she felt.

You said you were married for 7 months and argued weekly,....well,..no,...you have been arguing with her long before that. This stuff doesn't "just happen".

We (her primarily) has been planning a reception to celebrate our marriage. (we had a small ceremony so now we are going to have a party to celebrate with out of town guest). However since we have been arguing so much, I told her I want to postpone the ceremony

You know what would have impressed her? If it would have been "you primarily". If it would have been your idea to have this party, your plan, ...and you just had her pitch in a little bit to give it the feminine touch. That would have impressed her right out of her socks. But instead she is giving it both the masculine touch and the feminine touch and then when the frustration of that starts to build into an argument you want to cancel the plans,...her plans. So not only were you not leading it but you then tried to stop it when it got bumpy,...which to her emotional interpretation would be you running away from your problems rather than take charge of them.

As far as her saying she hated you , then later saying she didn't,...you have to understand that women communicate covertly and men communicate overtly. When she said she hated you she was describing how she felt about you in that moment,...but later when the emotions chilled then she didn't hate you. You will probably get a lot of comments about how "you never listen to me" while you are thinking in your mind that you always listened,...this comes from a similar place.

Well, enough from me. This is to just show that there are some deeper things here to consider and it is not possible to solve this in a "Reddit Post".

Title	Seriously. What would Jesus do.
Author	Global-Honeydew-7463
Upvotes	12
Comments	14
Date	February 26, 2022 4:41 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/t1o9b3/seriously_what_would_jesus_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/seriously-what-would-jesus-do.1102877 https://theredarchive.com/post/1102877

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