Married!

Firstmatewifey · 2017-10-08T04:30:06+00:00

Congratulations! Marriage is absolutely amazing.

For my husband and I, the biggest difference between LTR and marriage is that we are legally bound and thus fully invested in each other's futures. Technically we acted the same in a LTR, but now we both feel a sense of relief that we've "made" it to this next step. Marriage is something we both hold to great importance and has special meaning for each of us. It's something we both knew we wanted when we were young (way before we even met), and having that come to fruition just feels amazing. Pragmatically, we both have now made career decisions we wouldn't have made without being married first (able to take more risks, etc) and we've enjoyed planning the framework for our long term future in a more concrete way. Of course it will be ever evolving, but it's now in motion.

Some petty but still fun things: I love saying "my husband" in conversation instead of "significant other" or "boyfriend". Logistically, it's great to only have to spell one last name rather than both of ours over the phone or whatever the case may be. Being called Mrs. our-last-name is a cherry on top of working with kids all day. :)

littleeggwyf · 2017-10-08T05:07:54+00:00

Congratulations, so happy for you!

The difference snuck up on me a bit, I didn't expect it to change things sometimes much but it did seem to make things more secure and calm. I didn't make a plan, but do keep a copy of my vows to reread X

My only extra advice is to write a list of everyone you have to tell about name change, that took forever and things like hubs life insurance and death-in-service cover I didn't think of until a friend mentioned

Camille11325 · 2017-10-08T23:35:51+00:00

YAY Congrats!!!! So happy for you <3 Going to sticky this post for more discussion because you're bringing up some great topics! I'd love to hear more about your plans if you don't mind sharing once you've figured it all out, even if it's a private convo. Wishing you the best <3

whitebunny87 · 2017-10-09T08:25:13+00:00

so, i've included our paraphrased vows (we wrote our own together one night over a bottle of wine) and how i'm hoping to live up to these practically:

(paging /u/camille11325, i think you might be the only one interested in this lol)

i promise to always work to understand you, and to understand myself

i think that in many relationships/marriages, people hold an idealised version of their partners, and that a lot of the dissatisfaction and discontent comes up when your partner isn't living up to this imaginary person you've created. i love my husband ('N' from now on) for who he is right now, and i want to always know him deeply. i understand that N will change with time, and i want to put in the work to continually get to know him, and to have the flexibility to bend with him so that we're always growing together, not apart.

similarly, i think you're the best partner you can be when you have a deep understanding of yourself. N has taught me so, so much about myself and taking these lessons on board has been integral in making our relationship work. i still slip up plenty, so i want to commit to making self-understanding a priority, so that i can always improve.

i promise to experience as much of life and the world as possible, and to lend the strength to always explore

we're both explorers. it's one of the big things that drew us to one another, and N has told me that he was so excited to find a woman who would nurture his adventurous spirit rather than stifle it. our joint philosophy in life is that there's nothing more satisfying in life than "expanding your bubble" to absorb as many experiences as possible, so i will always work to make sure we don't stagnate and get bored. whether that's through fleeting pleasures like travel and adventure (i'm currently planning our honeymoon to sri lanka!) or long-term, deeper experiences like creating life and raising children. i love his adventurous soul and want to frame our life together in that way.

i promise to take my love for you and allow this to inspire my actions

love makes you happy. being happy makes you treat others well. the happiest couples that i know are the ones that share their love with their families and communities. i want to take responsibility for building a "village" around us of family and friends that we can trust and look after. until recently i took our wonderful circle of family and friends for granted, but after seeing 160+ smiling faces at our wedding reception i realised that we've nurtured these connections and i want to actively work to solidify these relationships and bring new ones into the mix. i want my love for N to inspire a greater community around us that is warm and happy.

i promise to dedicate myself completely to you, in body, speech, and mind, in all of life, forever

this one speaks for itself, i think. for you RPWi folk, at least. N will always be my priority. he owns me, and me him, always. i won't make a decision or utter a word without considering him.

we promise to always be better than the sum of our parts

this is a big one for us. on the first night that we shared "i love you"s i promised that i would make him as happy as i could. he corrected me and said that he'd prefer that i pushed him to be be as great as i could. we talked all night and decided that the point of a good relationship is to combine forces so that the pair of you become better than you ever could be alone. it's been a theme of our relationship and something we go back to often. we're not two individuals anymore, we're a unit and that unit's gotta be kick-ass.

so that's our vows and the heavy shit that i've been processing. on a more superficial note, i've decided that my responsibilities will be:

feeding us

food is more than sustenance. it’s life and bonding and togetherness. i’ve made a plan to take care of our nutrition and make it fun. i’ve sorted out weekly vegetable deliveries and meal plans for us. i love cooking and we love entertaining, so i plan to have friends or family over at least twice a week for dinner. i’ll continue expanding my cooking and hosting skills, and have a new app for organising my recipes. i’ve been gifted N’s family cookbook, which dates back 3 generations, so i’ll be adding to this over time, and also transcribing this onto an online cookbook to preserve it. the poor old thing is falling apart.

family affairs

i already take care of gift-buying for both sides of the family, but i’ve started taking this more seriously, collating everyone’s birth-dates and setting reminders. i’ll make sure that we’re always connected to our families and work to nurture these relationships. extended family is really important to us and i want to make sure these connections are fun, rather than an obligation.

i also want to work to make holidays special, building family traditions for christmas, easter, new year, etc.

community

making sure we are involved and well-liked in the local community. i love to throw parties and look after our neighbours. i am involved in local politics and plan to run for council in the next couple of years.

laundry

clothing care, organisation, buying for us both when needed, etc

cleaning

we have a weekly cleaning lady that i manage, so keeping track of what needs to be done and paying her.

taking care of any extra day-to-day cleaning that is needed to keep the place comfortable.

decorating

making sure that our house is a home. looking after things like bedlinen, plants, art, furniture, so that it is a beautiful and comfortable place for us to enjoy. i want our home to be a peaceful and fun place to unwind.

Title	Married!
Author	whitebunny87
Upvotes	23
Comments	14
Date	October 8, 2017 3:10 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/74zf05/married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/married.208742 https://theredarchive.com/post/208742

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