Stress is affecting my relationship

InsomniaBrigid · 2021-11-28T04:23:46+00:00

Relationships don’t do well when we put on the pause button. Find small ways to connect and put your priorities in order. Connection doesn’t mean hours and hours of time together. It does mean checking in, checking on, and spending time physically/emotionally/spiritually connecting. Quality vs quantity.

I’m coming from the perspective of having a spouse who can be a bit of a workaholic during certain busy times of the year. The most painful thing is to feel like I have to hold down the fort and do things alone while he is off earning our living. It caused a lot of anger/resentment/disdain.

Some things that help connection are “I’m thinking about you” texts, quick “dates” like “I’m grabbing a quick cup of coffee or dinner would you like to meet up?” I used to go join my spouse for dinner. It went on his work credit card and we would pay for me separately. My husband loves when I will snuggle while he watches a movie or plays video games. I don’t always love it, but it makes him feel connected. We used to both be busy students and sometimes we would just sit next to each other while trying to get all of our assignments done. Maybe a work “date” where you both work on something or he games/watches a movie while sitting in the same space? Or doing things together that relieve stress like walking, singing, bike riding, etc (Then you can get a date and a stress reliever).

Sometimes when I get really stressed or controlling I try to stop demanding and bossing and instead make nice requests like “I would love a shoulder rub” or “I would love to not have to cook” or “I would love a ride to and from work just to chat, if you have time” (I know that’s not possible for everyone).

My advice about lashing out when something isn’t done your way is don’t. That’s how I ended up mopping the floor by myself for 7+ years. The words are “Thank You” and then journal about your frustrations. Usually my writing turns into a joke and then I can laugh at myself for being petty. My realization about the pettiness of this came when I washed my spouse’s car and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get the bugs off because I really needed a rag vs the scrubber bush. I spent like double what he would have spent and to his credit he just said thanks vs focusing on the $ and a few bugs that I couldn’t get off.

Also, it’s 100% worth it to create habits that relieve stress as I have had stress induced facial paralysis (Bell’s Palsy). Being preemptive and learning to calm the body down and practicing good stress “hygiene” and self-soothing will get you far in life.

Hot_Wasabi_4270 · 2021-11-28T02:07:28+00:00

You can’t do it all. Being a good partner takes time and effort. Think of bringing your best self to the relationship as another one of your responsibilities. You are failing at this one. You’re probably used to nun mode and having all your time to divide up as you please, but now that you’ve met this amazing man you need to decide what your priorities are. For me, I always say relationships come first. I sympathize with being an over-achiever. However, I’ve learned that most important are relationships with people I love. Don’t forget that showing up as your best self requires self care too, so you’ll have to make time for that as well. Being driven is great, but there’s always a point where it becomes detrimental.

Instead of spending less time with him, I would start doing the opposite. Wrap up some of your obligations, bail out in a graceful and honorable way where you can, and start spending more time with him. You may need to evaluate what you are contributing to the relationship? He is there as a sounding board for you whenever you’re stressed. How are you there for him?

RPsplainer · 2021-12-06T09:23:14+00:00

I’m finally with a man who treats me amazingly well and I believe is the person of my dreams.

I’m juggling a full time role, gym, a graduate degree, side business, and I also volunteer with the community — this is my personality

Its so obvious. Something has to change with this list.

Right now you've said you are spending less time with him to instead have your fulltime role/gym/graduate degree/side business/volunteer so it sounds like you have chosen what you will give up and what you will keep.

Title	Stress is affecting my relationship
Author	TranslatedSky
Upvotes	2
Comments	7
Date	November 28, 2021 12:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/r3rnbn/stress_is_affecting_my_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/stress-is-affecting-my-relationship.1086205 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086205

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