I know this is such a common topic, but I was hoping y’all could help set me straight on how to think about it.

There is an article somewhere in our milieu that argues that if you have previously “given it up” quickly to guys, then strategically you kind of have to continue to do that with new guys you date, because if they discovered that you made them wait but didn’t in the past they’ll have their masculine pride wounded.

Is this really true? I don’t plan to specifically hold off until commitment, but as Sherry Argov points out in Why Men Love Bitches:

“If she gives it up too soon, men stop with the romance and stop working at it. And truthfully, he’d rather be working hard at it. They enjoy playing the game, and if it ends too soon, they’re disappointed. They even struggle inside, subconsciously. They know they want to get it, but know they want the girl to make him wait.“

Specifically, I’m an attractive, feminine, but modern and secular girl. I’m 24. My count is four, two of which turned into steady relationships. But I “gave it up” in a matter of a couple dates with all of them. Moving forward if I try to take the approach of letting it build for a while, is that really something that most decent guys would see as a red flag?

When/if the topic came up I explained that the I did it differently this time because I just was enjoying the game of flirting and did what felt right to me— as opposed to making it seem like I imposed an arbitrary rule only on him— would that help?

Signed, A girl who’s tired of letting the advice of questionable dudes on the internet live rent free in my head and needs help slaying some hamsters.