Adding value through hard skills

morbidityofanother · 2023-07-04T20:38:38+00:00

A comprehensive list of hard skills that have served me as a woman/wife.

Being able to cook above a basic level. Food is the gateway into the hearts of your husband, his friends, your friends, family, etc. If you cook a mean brisket, bake the best cookies anyone has ever tasted... They like you more. I love sending my husband to work with cookies and other desserts, because now everyone is always asking him when he's bringing more, and so its a gateway for him to make more friends at work and build a positive association.
Learn how to interact with strangers. This is a dying skill these days. People in general have become not only rude and brash with strangers, but also inept at making a generally good first impression. Learn how to make great small talk that quickly evolves into interesting conversation. Smile more. Make the other person feel like the center of attention rather than waiting to talk about yourself. I could make a whole post about how to do this, honestly.
Keep your house in order. This goes beyond cleaning, it means that your living space makes sense. It's not organized awkwardly, it doesn't have chipping paint, it smells good, the space has a cohesive sense of style, it isn't cluttered, etc. This is a lot of work, but everyone who walks into your space will feel it, and it reflects on you and how you care for yourself.
Look put together. This does not mean that you have to dress a certain way, but the way you dress should be high quality: everything fits you, matches your skin tone, is wrinkle-free, etc. Learn how to use accessories. Ditch the cakey clown makeup and talons, because no quality man on planet earth likes it.
Take care of your body. This means skincare (for your whole body, not just your face), working out, hair removal, nails (don't need to be fancy, just clean and healthy), hair masks, quality shampoo and conditioner, eating healthy, etc.
Learn how to speak and write with precision. This doesn't just mean learning how to use a semicolon or having a big vocabulary, it means learning how to convey an idea or thought with clarity. Say what you mean, say it in as few words as possible, and with correct grammar. People will take you more seriously and respect you more.
Get in control of your emotions. If this means you need to go to therapy, then go. I had to and I feel no shame in it at all. Do anything to ensure that you can control yourself when you're upset, because people (especially a spouse) will upset you, and your response will change the way they look at you, for better or worse.
Learn how to spend as little money as possible. Men, no matter how much they earn, value a woman who can make a dollar stretch. This doesn't mean you should never own anything nice, but it means you should be aware of money, how to budget it, how to shop sales, how to make what you have last, how to repair things you already own, etc.
Have a sense of humor. I really do consider this a hard skill, because this goes beyond cracking some jokes. Having a genuine sense of humor means you can laugh at a ridiculous situation, you can diffuse tension, you can engage people more easily, etc. It draws people to you, ensures that people are not intimidated by you, and makes solving problems less stressful. It's not always the right answer, but it's a heavy-hitting tool in your toolbox. For example: recently my husband got a new grill. When disposing of the coals, he accidentally set the side of our house on fire. He texted me at work telling me about it and how sorry he was. I could have gotten really mad and been well within my right to do so, but what would that accomplish? It was an accident. The house wasn't burned down to the ground. So I responded with "You're supposed to grill the food, not the house lol. Shit happens, we'll take care of it." I could feel my husband sigh with relief.

That's what I've got for you. I know I'll think about it in an hour and say "Shit, I should have mentioned that one! But, I think that's a pretty solid list.

sapphiredawn · 2023-07-04T15:15:48+00:00

I can relate to this because I make solid six figures and have great income in my profession, but I’m sometimes abysmal at the most basic intrinsic things like keeping house, grocery shopping, meal prep/planning, etc. Yes, those things are definitely added value to make your friend a good life partner. I have a similar friend who is older, married 20 years, mom of 3, and she is like a domestic goddess to me. She just got her driver license yesterday and she’s in her 40s. She’s never had to worry about an income, and when her husband lost his job she had to enter the workforce with no experience.

Qualities and skills that make you a high value partner will differ greatly depending on the man you choose. For example if you fell for a teacher, you could provide value by either giving him those hard skills or contributing to your finances in ways that allow you to hire / resource those skills in your shared home. You may not be able to sew or hem pants but you could easily pay a tailor to do so, or hire an electrician to feel with a broken appliance; either way this benefits your man and provides the same value to him. So long as your career doesn’t come before him, in which case, that’s a different discussion.

Other valuable skills and traits we provide: Social graces: de-escalating tense male moments and awkward social interactions with charm Growth mindset: able to learn, expand, grow with him to better yourselves together Managing a home and a family with cognitive / strategic finesse Emotional intelligence / being able to have metacognition and reflect on what’s really important before responding Creativity - an eye for aesthetics and creating a beautiful/warm/cozy home environment Etc etc.

ivysaurah · 2023-07-04T16:05:29+00:00

I can’t relate per say as I was raised blue collar and this made me pretty handy. I went to school and wound up never using it, seeing as my dream deep down was always to be a wife and mother and my husband brought that desire back to me. I am not sure if it’s because of my upbringing or not, but I find that most tasks can be figured out with the internet nowadays. Driving I would pursue lessons in (American with no public transport so I was taught young), but everything else like cooking, handy house repairs, hemming pants (sewing machine makes this the easiest), etc, can typically be tackled with the help of the internet. I am currently taking up crochet with the help of Youtubers. I think the key is always to keep a calm, confident mindset and move slowly while doing things for the first time, and with time you’ll pick up the skill easily. Again, daughter and wife of a contractor so I think it makes me biased, but I think all adults should be able to feed and maintain their house themselves to a degree without the help of specialists every time you turn around. It’s a nice feeling to fix a running toilet or minor car issue on your own, or even just prepare a great meal or alter your clothes a bit.

Jenneapolis · 2023-07-04T16:57:30+00:00

All the home making skills I believe are important for women. You don’t have to be able to do heavy repairs to your home but you should be able to do things like: patch a hole in the wall and paint, change lightbulbs and fire detectors, garden, decorate, organize, cook/plan/prep, clean, etc. Sewing is a plus but I personally can do only very minor repairs.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-07-04T22:29:58+00:00

Ugh, the app crashed on me just as I was finishing a well thought response (aka a two volumes novel).

I'll synthesize.

Everyone needs basic life skills to function as an adult. Finances, cooking, cleaning and a very very little amount of sewing are the bare minimum - you don't need to be excellent, but you need to do a passable job with this stuff. I would add some basic home maintenance to the list, but that would be hypocritical - I could always find a tall friend to change lightbulbs for me :)

On top of that, any skill can add value (or not) to family life. Having someone with medical training in the house is rarely needed - but when it's needed, you're sure grateful they were there. Having the disposable income to outsource what you can't do (don't have time to do... don't want to do...) is valuable as well, if you work outside the home. If you're really good at cooking but can't do home repairs, would you rather have a partner who can cook a gourmet dinner or one who can fix your sink? If your partner is a mechanic but hates doing taxes, would he rather be with someone who can fix cars or who is good with paperwork? If you and your partner are both high earning, hard working doctors, would you rather spend time to do the cleaning or spend money and outsource it? How valuable a skill is depends on your circumstances and preferences.

I think it's important to be a functional, competent adult AND to find someone who complements you.

I don't care to learn how to fix stuff, but I am swooned when my husband does it. And he told his family I was marriage material when I mended his shirt on one of our first dates... :) would we care as much if he could mend shirts and I could fix sinks? Definitely not. (This is about our preferences, not necessarily gender roles)

Besides, even if you lack a specific skill, willingness to learn / do your part / support your partner is just as important. Can't paint walls? You can still follow instructions to help your partner, prep the floor and furniture, pass him stuff, clean up, or do some of his usual chores so he gets to rest.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-04T13:30:54+00:00

Title: Adding value through hard skills

Full text: Hello everyone,

sure being supportive, cheerful, giving peace and calm, laughing together and being kind are important in a relationship. But recently I figured out how important it can be to be able to fix broken things in your home or to shorten your own pants. I was on vacation with a friend and we talked about these kind of "skills". She was raised differently than me and has a broad variety of such hard skills, while I was raised solely to perform well in school. Years down the road, I can definitely see how those skills make her a better life partner. As hard as it might sound, I went to med school and take care of patients well but that does not help at home.

I am thinking about being able to drive a car (I live in a big European city with good public transport so I can't drive), fixing minor things, being financially adept, being able to cook well. Are there other things that come to your mind? Thanks for sharing!

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diaryofalostgirl · 2023-07-04T17:22:48+00:00

I think of the things I expect myself to handle as the woman in the relationship (and the one that's under five feet tall). Finances, including judicious household purchases, and cooking come to mind. Due to dyspraxia, sewing machines might as well be combine harvesters to me, but I can make minor clothing repairs by hand -- and I know where to take anything that needs a bigger fix, which is important. Organization is another huge one.

If the household repairs involve things that are too big for me to easily handle, they're his job: give it to the person that can do it well, not the one whose work will need to be torn out and redone. I did put together most of a lamp the other day at work. Again, though, I needed someone taller to help me finish the job. And that's life. I've seen some tremendously feminine women get good at flat pack furniture, hanging art on the wall, etc.

In this technological world, consider knowing how to do ALL the things that come with your tech, that you wouldn't take to a repairman. Broken screens, no. But resetting a router or a modem, yes. Troubleshooting your downed internet. Basic device maintenance. If you're up late and an outage or an error happens, you don't want to disturb him. If he's at work or with his buddies, he's not going to come home.

Real-life inspiration: Kimberly "The Wads" Wadsworth. She is a housekeeping master -- and with five kids, that's no easy thing!

Title	Adding value through hard skills
Author	uhulalala
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	July 4, 2023 1:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14qfaoa/adding_value_through_hard_skills/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/adding-value-through-hard-skills.1224129 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224129

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