Hey ladies! I was much more active before a certain sub was banned this summer, but since getting my new username, I've been working to again build my presence in this beautiful sub!

Anyway -- the meat and potatoes of this post: I think a lot of women lurking are misunderstanding what it is to be RP in a relationship and as a lifestyle.

I won't speak for other women, but I believe that being with a strong, capable man is a privilege, not a right; however, likewise, deferring to the man I'm with is a privilege, not a right. What I mean by this is that my SO has proven himself to be a capable, confident leader. I have not ever started a relationship by deferring to my new SO -- it is something that comes with trust built. There are alphas and then there are assholes -- just because he is successful, doesn't make him a good leader* in a relationship. I've seen posts about women who are with men who they are trying to turn into a leader* in their relationships -- and we all know you cannot change your SO.

I do not tolerate abuse of any form -- whether it's physical, mental, or emotional. There is concern and there is control, and again, not speaking for other women, but I feel like the healthy relationships in this sub have learned the difference. *I say this because we are only given a one-sided glimpse into your relationship, but you and only you can decide if your relationship is healthy, but often times women misunderstand that deferring means being a doormat to any man -- even men who are not worthwhile, while others assume that relationships of this nature will inevitably become abusive.

*I treat my SO like a king, thus he treats me like a queen. Meeting his needs and making him happy are a daily goal, but this has also led to him doing the same for me. I understand why many may see this as BP, but we both know our roles in our relationship and happily fulfill the -- there is no doubt in my mind that he is a confident, capable leader, and I trust his ability to make decisions for us. Likewise, I see a lot of women trying to be 50s homemakers and feeling frustrated, but being RP for me is not about conforming to a cookie cutter image of the woman I think I should be, it's being a woman who makes my SO's life better.

Stop stressing about dressing more femininely *and more about putting effort into your personal appearance -- I'm a personal stylist, but my SO thinks I'm sexiest in yoga leggings *because it's not my normal, everyday attire. Wearing dresses becomes something I do for me not for him, which he appreciates, but I also work out, take care of my skin and hair and try to always have myself put together, so he sees the effort I'm putting in for him. He loves cooking -- if I made every meal, he would be unhappy because I'd be taking away something he loves doing, but he likes that I make him breakfast and lunch. We allow each other to go out with friends and have separate lives, but we check in with each other. I don't have to check in with him -- I wouldn't get "in trouble" -- because we trust each other, but he knows I'm a worrier, and I value open lines of communication and he likes making me feel safe and secure.

The whole point of this wall is just to remind women who are becoming involved with this sub to understand that every relationship is different -- what works for us may not work for others, and we're okay with that. It's also to help women understand that every man is not going to be an alpha, and it's important to recognize signs of a man being an abusive asshole. *Everything said is simply a suggestion -- it's not law, and ultimately it's up to you and your SO to realize what works for you.

*EDIT: for clarification.