Alternative Imperatives

Irl_girl · 2019-03-02T12:28:04+00:00

The female imperative isn’t just to bear their own children. It’s to nurture in general. Older women who are no longer fertile were still traditionally expected to look after children in their communities up until recently. (And still do in other countries)

You could adopt. You could be a godparent. You could be a volunteer mentor with children or adults. Volunteer with animals or in a community garden. Share your wisdom!

Edit: realizing now you asked specifically in the context of finding a marriage. I skipped over that partly because I am confident high value, child free men exist! You just need to be patient and vet for it.

ManguZa · 2019-03-02T11:47:24+00:00

Some men aren't interested by children and still want a marriage. You can find it if you want it.

maljo24 · 2019-03-02T12:54:43+00:00

Very stable. There is much more to a marriage than kids. Find the right partner with a lot of shared interests and compatible personalities. Not all men want kids. Kids have their own problems and are very expensive. You will be very happy.

bonslytoss · 2019-03-02T12:26:40+00:00

Motherhood just doesn't seem very likely for me. As such achieving the "female imperative" is obviously impossible.

You have to personally double back and find your own imperative. It seems to me that you are still interested in marriage and companionship, and there are absolutely men out there who are looking for just that.

I agree that the conventional standards of successful womanhood do not apply to you. Therefore, you will have to throw away the societal standards and start from scratch. That can mean living alone with cats. That can mean being involved with nieces, nephews, or just your sibling relationships. That can mean marrying strictly so you can have a life partner. That can mean adoption or in vitro. Once you stop thinking within the boundaries society has placed on you, the hard part becomes not leaving behind the "normal" life, but deciding which "new" life you think appeals to you the most.

Best of luck, hope you update us with your ultimate plan of action.

Zegiknie · 2019-03-02T14:44:53+00:00

Marriage isn't pointless without kids. I have 2, but was with my husband for 7 years before that happened. Marriage is easier without kids! Marriage often comes second during hard stages with kids and sometimes fail because parenting is so hard, pregnancies and hormones change you, and you can't truly know what it's like until you are there.

You can always make him number one without kids. I love my kids and I am growing so much through parenting, but we look forward to the time when it is just us again. To have someone to devote your life to is bliss.

By the way, you may end up with a single dad. So there's that possibility, too :-)

I don't think marriage is for everyone, but you don't need kids to have it.

FleetingWish · 2019-03-02T19:15:34+00:00

I don't need kids to add meaning to my life. I have a man who I love more than anything that I've devoted my life to. That's all the meaning I need.

Hannelore010 · 2019-03-02T17:27:32+00:00

I have many children, and the childless-not-by-choice people in my life have unexpectedly become a part of my circle, and good friends. Three of my kids’ godmother (she married in her 40s) likes to play grandparent and sit for me every few months while I run errands,

my widowed/single worldly and cosmopolitan aunts in FL love the valentines, pics and other paraphanalia we send, and they like to share the culture they love (one is an artist, the other a sort of former socialite). Do you have nieces and nephews? I think that relationship is one of the undervalued in our culture, but very important for the development of children

A woman I know who is unable to have children, and for whom adoption attempts did not work out (people forget adoption can be as emotionally difficult as not conceiving, or even a miscarriage) is a housewife, but has also written a series of successful novels, and two nonfiction books, one on working through the difficulties of not being able to have children. I believe she also teaches piano lessons

You are not obligated to make every attempt to have children through fostering, adoption, etc.

Perhaps you will meet a man who you grow to love and who will love you and will want to adopt, and you might be less averse to that with a husband you respect and follow wanting it

Or perhaps someone you marry will be oknot having kids; there are such people

Other opportunities to nurture could be volunteering for the elderly, I think an often lonely class of forgotten people. Do you have elderly neighbors or relatives? Visiting them once a month or week or whatever is a rewarding habit. We women with kids often don’t have as much of an opportunity to do this, our days are so full. It’s nice because even if their health is frail, and mind a little slower, you can have actual conversations, play chess or bridge or other games with them, in a way my 3-year-old can’t :)

Also, clubs like 4-h, boys and girls, after school tutoring. It’s funny how my mind wanders to “things I would do without a gazillion kids under foot...” that never crossed my mind before having them. You have a lot of freedom to interact with a lot of people and do good

Asmaraniya · 2019-03-02T17:32:52+00:00

My brother in law's wife died in a car crash . His 4 kids are now raised by his new wife. Maybe a man with a kids from a previous relationship that might want to do adopt .

Plenty of women are who don't have kids find loving relationships just keep it 100 with the man you are dating

Hammocknapping · 2019-03-02T13:08:32+00:00

The female sexual imperative is usually described as getting married to an alpha/high beta man to protect and provide for you and your children.

First, you should take comfort in the fact that there have always been women who either could not have children or did not want children. Unfortunately for some of those women, they were either forced to bare children they did not want or were cast out from marriage when it was discovered that they could not produce progeny.

My husband and I are child free by choice, so we will never know if we are capable of conceiving. It is not in my personality to be nurturing or motherly. I greatly dislike children, and to me motherhood would be a burden and not a blessing. But, my husband and I have an incredible marriage and I have an insanely fulfilling life.

I focus a lot of my time and energy into my career, because I love it so much. Outside of that, I have hobbies that I enjoy and I spend a lot of time with friends and family. We are both going to be retired within the next 5 or so years, thanks in large part to the fact that we are child free! Life is what you make it, and you can make the child free life great!

BlankPages · 2019-03-02T15:40:40+00:00

If you are looking at "trad goals," you can also support your husband in achieving his goals, providing a good home as a refuge for him, etc. You also probably have children around you (nephews and nieces, children of friends, etc.) that you can bring nurturing feminine energy to.

ObedientLittleWife · 2019-03-03T22:44:15+00:00

Are you totally 1000% you don't want children? If you are really sure you don't wanna, you can start vetting for a guy who also doesn't want kids, there are quite a few who don't.

Title	Alternative Imperatives
Author	Szymmy
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	March 2, 2019 11:19 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/awgtre/alternative_imperatives/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/alternative-imperatives.220436 https://theredarchive.com/post/220436

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