Being secure in a relationship

Visual-Working-3955 · 2025-09-03T17:29:24+00:00

It's the man. He wasn't right for you. When I told my husband i liked him he was in the midst of a mess with women. He had two poly women he was having sex with. A young girl broke his heart and he was an asmr artist here on reddit and had lots of sexy stuff.

He said we could date platonically. Only platonically. There was a significant age gap so he demanded to meet my parents right away which made my parents begin to like him. The next week I met his and we hadn't even kissed. He wanted to and I wanted to but to him I was important and he didn't want to start what he couldn't finish. Less than a week later I got him in my apartment and kissed him and we got carried away to the point I wanted sex and he wanted sex but we needed to breathe and he had to let the women know he was off the market.

He started taking stuff off Reddit and eventually deleted the account all together. He doesn't do social media and hasn't signed back up for Fetlife. We were supposed to only see each other three days a week. I got five. We had phone sex the other nights that lasted till he went to sleep. Five months after dating I was moved in. Not advisable but it worked for us. My lease ended. He prepaid for my therapy for six months the week after we had sex.

Basically if a man wants you he will show you. I showed him i wanted him without a doubt and he did the same in return. Players are going to play.

fastfishyfood · 2025-09-03T20:44:19+00:00

You may have misunderstood the meaning behind “Secure attachment”. No judgment, I’ve been reading about it for years & it really only clicked a few months ago.

Secure attachment is how you attach to yourself. And if you are securely attached to yourself - this will flow onto your relationships with others. You go into romantic relationships with an open heart & an open mind, while still maintaining your boundaries & clearly communicating expectations & standards. If these standards are met, you continue with the relationship. If they’re not, you respect & trust yourself so much that you’re willing to walk away - even though it hurts. Because it hurts more to abandon your own standards & accept less than what you deserve. And the truth is that if the relationship is not a good fit, you’re doing both parties a disservice - both of you deserve to be free to be with a partner that you love AND match in compatibility. The fact that his life, distance & values don’t reflect yours, displays a distinct lack of compatibility.

A secure woman doesn’t go into a relationship worrying about cheating or seeking out evidence (which can create a self-fulfilling prophecy). A secure woman stays present in the relationship, pays attention to his actions & words, & responds to him from a place of inner trust & strength - knowing she could walk away if he showed signs of disrespect. From that space, she is mindfully selecting who she wants to partner with for the rest of her life.

So focus on building up your relationship with self. That is the essence of secure attachment.

CountTheBees · 2025-09-03T22:34:29+00:00

You shouldn't be stalking his social medias but that's less important than the fact that you're wasting your time in a dead end LDR. If by this point there are no plans for either of you to move to each other or close the gap, I don't see how this relationship can work.

Focus on picking emotionally available local men that treat you well and are enthusiastic about you. If you are naturally insecure, a LDR is going to make all of your insecurities worse.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-09-04T17:45:21+00:00

Can I ask what a “random local girl” is? Is it a girl who he knows personally? Is it a girl that is a normal girl with a normal social media who just happens to live in the same town? Is it just any e-girl?

I ask because I find it odd if someone is jealous about some random girl who does bikini pics or whatever. That seems to say something about insecurity more than infidelity. If you were thinking that he shouldn’t be looking at other girls, I’ve got news for you: we all look at other girls, even the married guys. That doesn’t mean we’re “cheating“ it just means that we look at other women because it’s natural for us to do.

Full disclosure: I am online “friends“ with women, most of them are either childhood friends, friends from college or grad school, and/or business colleagues. I have had sex with some of them. It is how it is. On those occasions when I text a a married woman I know, it’s generally in an already established group chat that includes her husband. I just prefer boundaries. It may surprise members of this group to find out, but I have a very strict “no married women” policy. It’s bad karma generally, and I never want to catch two in the chest over a “misunderstanding. I do follow a few e-girls, but they’re all women who I personally know. I also follow women who I find intellectually interesting such as Louise Perry, who would be familiar to this group, and Professor Sarah C.M. Paine, but of course, neither of them is going to be posting bikini pics.

If someone told me I had to stop following someone under the above circumstances, then that sounds like insecurity, which would be a “her” problem and not a “me” problem.

YoyoPeaches · 2025-09-03T15:57:49+00:00

I think its the man not you. I don't find it appropriate for men to be lusting after other women on social media.

If you aren't feeling secure in the relationship, its likely him - not you. Once I found the right man, I no longer felt anxious about what he was doing online, or etc.

its the man not you. I could never be with a man who doesn't respect me enough to not engage in the lusting of other women online, its humiliating tbh.

AutoModerator · 2025-09-03T15:46:37+00:00

Title: Being secure in a relationship

Author mauikm

Full text: How to become securely attached to someone? I’m so tired of being anxious to a outcome, to try to find out if he is cheating, seeing other women etc. I just think i’ll always be like that, but it’s useless to overthink in a relationship. What if he doesn’t betray me and we have amazing years together. And i don’t want to ruin what we have. I always stalk , look at his followers and get anxious. I told him politely it made me uncomfortable he follows random local girls and he still continues after 3 months, but i told him i would stop stalking his account too. I am just exhausted and don’t want to base my emotions on him. It is harder to feel secure when you live far and only see each others once a week but after 5 months i don’t see a change in our relationship. I still haven’t met his family and he still haven’t met mine. Completely unknown in his social medias and even closer friends.

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Title	Being secure in a relationship
Author	mauikm
Upvotes	19
Comments	11
Date	September 3, 2025 3:46 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1n7idxj/being_secure_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/being-secure-in-a-relationship.1561197 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561197

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