Blindsided by BF

sugarcrush · 2015-10-05T23:46:33+00:00

Not everyone wants a red pill style relationship, that's the purpose of dating, to figure these things out.

So sorry about your breakup though, honey :( Better luck next time.

fhigurethisout · 2015-10-06T00:54:27+00:00

Looking at your post history, I'm assuming this is the same man you were talking about:

"It's not hard for me to spend time with him at all, but I don't feel that 'love' thing either."

You didn't feel love for this man and you're shocked he left you? A man can tell when you aren't into him, trust me. He isn't a fool.

Your "submissive" attitude probably revealed your lack of emotional investment...

I am sorry for your breakup...but i don't know, this is weird. :/

You also said this:

" I've never been 'crazy' about him, and I don't think he is 'the one and only' I could ever possibly be with, but I want to be with him. I don't want to short change him the feeling that he is with someone who is doing cartwheels over him."

How can a man be with a woman who doesn't adore him? More importantly, how were you with someone you weren't crazy about? :/ Can you imagine how he'd feel if he read that??

EDIT: yes yes I saw your update too, it was still very weird with this sentence: "I'm all choked up telling him how much I love being with him, and how amazing he is, and how much I love spending time with him and that I'm attracted to him - but that I don't think I love him and I don't know what to do about it and how can I control this."

You told your boyfriend you "don't think you love him"...this may be what nailed the coffin in your relationship...even if you realized too late that you do love him. Maybe at the time you thought you sorted it all out--but what was HE feeling at the time? Combine that with your possibly irritatingly passive attitude (submissive vs passive is very different), you may have the explanation you are looking for...

Dailyreal · 2015-10-05T22:57:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BowlOfCandy · 2015-10-06T00:27:21+00:00

No one wants too much of one single thing, if you were too assertive he'd likely give you shit for not respecting his lead.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-10-06T01:15:12+00:00

From reading your history, it seems like you weren't all that into this relationship either.

You described a month ago about not being in love or knowing what love really is like. I think you wanted to make this relationship work even though you weren't feeling it.

It's like you were in love with the idea of a relationship but not in love with him. You can't mask that emptiness with submissive behavior and hope he doesn't notice your lack of love.

It hurts to be rejected. I imagine you're feeling that sting right now. Cry for a bit, then brush yourself off and move on. This relationship just wasn't meant to be. (If you doubt that, then re-read your old comments.)

Best wishes. Keep your head up. :-)

TempestTcup · 2015-10-06T02:26:04+00:00

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PremiumGoose · 2015-10-06T02:43:01+00:00

Oh man. Are you me OP? I had the exact same thing before. He was older, after a while said I was young and it wasn't going to work out, not quite what he wanted and didn't want to waste any time, etc.

Sorry to hear it it wasn't anyone's fault. I feel it was inappropriate on his part to not bring it up before hand and wait until it was too much. From here it looks like he didn't see you as enthused and/or contributing like he feels a partner should.

TalkToHusband · 2015-10-05T22:59:11+00:00

Only you know the details of your relationship but something about this seems fishy to me. At his age, the reason why people leave long term relationships are far more serious and pressing than "too submissive". At the very least he would have brought it to your attention earlier.

I think he is hiding something.

2015-10-06T05:07:18+00:00

Trollish

Dailyreal · 2015-10-06T03:22:53+00:00

We sat down and he said that I was too submissive, and he wanted an equal partner and that this was something on his mind for a while.

The most normal translation for this would be that you're boring and uninteresting, a "yes-woman." This contradicts your description, though:

I did absolutely make a number of decisions in our relationship, and introduced him to new fun things that he loved a lot. He is a total homebody, which is perfectly fine, and I would invite him out to really fun activities that he loved every couple of weekends. I made a lot of our dinner plans, etc.

Alternative explanations - this coincides conveniently with end of the honeymoon period, he may not know how to handle the loss of electric new-romance butterflies. Or he may idealize the Manic Pixie Dream Girl personality, which is beta crack. Or, as other commenters have pointed out, you've given indications of not being that into him which he may have picked up on.

In any case, he broke up with you, there's currently nothing to do but to move on graciously. Good luck, OP.

Dailyreal · 2015-10-05T23:57:54+00:00

Hello there, account that showed up one month ago to prove that you exist but sucked at posting so got your post removed, then waited silently since you weren't committed to the trolling bit, and then popped up out of nowhere to give a feminist shpiel. My name is CisWhiteMaelstrom, how do you do?

Title	Blindsided by BF
Author	Dailyreal
Upvotes	0
Comments	53
Date	October 5, 2015 10:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3nmuvq/blindsided_by_bf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/blindsided-by-bf.166482 https://theredarchive.com/post/166482

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