Boundaries

StunningSort3082 · 2024-02-20T18:47:10+00:00

I think you need to sort out what your standards are for a partner before setting boundaries.

It’s useless to set a boundary about smoking or vaping THC if you’re I’m a relationship with a heavily, daily user of THC. That boundary is unenforceable, because to enforce it you’re dependent on another person radically changing their behavior.

Instead, you need to set a standard that you don’t date men who use THC and then strictly uphold that standard while vetting potential partners.

A boundary I have as a married woman is that I am very strict about protecting my time for exercise each day. It is absolutely essential for me, and I don’t let anyone steal that time from me.

Deliaallmylife · 2024-02-20T19:16:58+00:00

I don't think other people's boundaries are going to help you and this is an awkward question to answer. I'm not sure I have specific "boundaries" with my husband. He didn't cross any lines when we were dating and I made a point to ask myself if I could live with any given behaviors for the rest of my life. I never came up with a "no" answer.

If he hit me, I'd be out fast enough to make his head spin. That is a boundary that doesn't need to be discussed because it's obvious. We also have an agreement not to get fat which is less of a boundary and more of a choice we made. If he got fat, I probably wouldn't divorce him but he would have to deal with the consequence of me being less attracted to him.

Unless you mean something other than "things I'd leave over" I'm not sure what sort of healthy boundaries you are looking for examples of.

Have you addressed the fact that you don't want to wear dresses 24/7? This would be the easiest place to start since you were just thinking about the issue. While it is lovely to dress in a way that your partner thinks is sexy, it is also perfectly reasonable to say "I can't dress for you every day" and hold to that. That would be a boundary. Then it is up to you to not cave. You are the one that enforces boundaries not him.

Minimum_Candy99 · 2024-02-21T07:12:24+00:00

I think it's more about setting boundaries with yourself than with your partner. It seems like you're easily taken advantage of because you allow that.

Work out what you actually want for yourself, not within a relationship. Because it seems like you think being adaptable and in a sense, a push over is a good attribute, but it's led you here.

ETA it's amazing to be soft and tender. But only to the right person.

AutoModerator · 2024-02-20T16:09:33+00:00

Title: Boundaries

Author Big-Appointment1522

Full text: Hi ladies! I know everyone is different and I really need to do some self exploration myself for this. But what are some boundaries that you have set as a woman in your relationship/marriage that have been successful for you?

I am naturally very tender, submissive and adaptable. I am easily convinced and it seems like that led me to being taken advantage of. I need a good feel of what strong, healthy boundaries are or examples of.

Thank you all in advance.

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Rub791 · 2024-02-20T20:44:43+00:00

Try Being honest with yourself and your partner. I had same struggle being honest to him help straight up tell him what you like and what you don't

zaftig_stig · 2024-02-21T06:14:52+00:00

I used to struggle with this. I got to a point where I finally needed to know who I was, so I knew what boundaries I needed in my life.
I’m learning who I am, what I want from a partner and what I’m willing and not willing to provide in a relationship. I'm finally identifying what my highest values are.

It's changed my thinking from, can I attract that person, to will they improve my life or not.

These are some of my boundaries for reference and these are just mine based on experience:

- How they treat anyone is how they treat everyone. If they can't manage their anger, I don't want to be with them. If they can be ugly and unkind or defensive, big No!

- If they're a parent, he'd better be trying to be father of the year every year with his kids or else I don't want to be with them. And I mean in the healthy responsible way, not a dysfunctional way.

- When he talks about his exes, or his family, does he take any ownership for his actions/contributions? No victims. We can't help what happens to us growing up but there is a point at which we are very responsible for our choices and actions regardless of the motivation.

- They need to be able to literally discuss sex. Some men are can be prudish. They may want to have sex, but that doesn't mean they can communicate about it.

- I need someone who has their own social life, their own friendships.

- They need to own their own baggage and be actively working on it or managing it in a healthy way. We all have baggage. I have and am taking the pains to own mine, I expect it from them as well.

It took me a long time to start learning who I am and believing it. I want a man that I'm willing to submit to. I personally believe the man is the head of the home, but I do get to decide whose authority I'll be submitting to.

Title	Boundaries
Author	Big-Appointment1522
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	February 20, 2024 4:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1avlc4f/boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boundaries.1245921 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245921

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