Class difference within a relationship?

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-09T10:53:29+00:00

This isn't a class issue. It's a financial issue and maybe even a personality issue, since he's so bitter. Most "blue collar" jobs pay pretty well. It actually says some pretty good things about your prospects that you're not limiting yourself by refusing to date these men. If he's in financial trouble, before a wife and kids, though, I'd take that as a sign that he's not ready for a serious commitment.

Listen to what he's telling you and leave him alone. Find someone who has his life together, whether he's a mechanic or a surgeon.

CountTheBees · 2024-07-09T08:35:25+00:00

I am rich and I will never understand, that he hates people like me and is jealous.

He crossed the line right here imo. As soon as he said he hated "people like you" it became a him vs you mentality. He's not on your team and he won't have your best interests at heart. Let him go, he's not your problem, you don't have to "prove" that you can love "someone like him". He's just not it.

Jenneapolis · 2024-07-09T15:32:18+00:00

I would strongly recommend nun mode for you. If you haven't, please read up on it.

I am sorry, I am not trying to call you out on your post history but you are engaging in some risky behaviors stemming from the ending of this relationship that by us looking at it objectively doesn't even seem to be a good fit. I think you are putting too much value on men defining your worth and we can't ever be solid partners to anyone else if we don't have our life in order. It is great you are working on your issues but it but it seems more is needed and if dating is triggering this in you, it is time to hold on dating.

Shaiziin · 2024-07-09T09:27:09+00:00

Girl get rid of this broke down dusty man before his resentment turns physical! He recognizes that he needs to get his shit together, and him being around someone like you (who has her shit together) is making him hateful. He literally said he hates people like you. What bigger red flag do you need darling? He's eventually either going to cheat with an equally financially broke woman who "makes him feel like a man", or he's going to physically harm you for hurting his ego.

Sweatpant-Diva · 2024-07-09T15:58:18+00:00

This man isn’t for you.

babe_imgood · 2024-07-10T16:34:35+00:00

This relationship will always be unbalanced no matter what you do. He’s not in a place where he feels financially stable enough to provide and protect, which is why he resents you—he hasn't reached his ideal level yet. I suggest you let him go and accept that he is not where you need him to be in life. Forcing the relationship won’t work because it’s already started off on the wrong foot. It’s better for you to find someone who is a better match or who can offer you what you need or more.

HappyGarden99 · 2024-07-10T13:14:04+00:00

I’m sorry, I looked at your post history :( I’m worried for you. He’s not the one for you. I go to daily 12 step online meetings, it’s helped me maintain sobriety as well as build my self esteem and find my worth. If you’d ever like to check one out, let me know.

LiftsLinage · 2024-07-09T09:07:30+00:00

The only way I can see this working, from a red pill perspective, is by assuring him he is competent already. Men have a desire to feel needed and competent, and he obviously has drawn the conclusion that he can't bring the necessary value to you or your relationship.

If you're deadset on making this work, you would likely need to very carefully build up his self-confidence. You would have to avoid offering to mother him first off, you're trying to be caring by offering him money but he is taking it as further insult to what he sees as his own lack.

You could potentially tell him that if he was ever in a bind, that you would be there to help. But you aren't going to offer again, because you honestly do believe that he has got this and can take care of himself. That's a start. You will need to look for opportunities like that to help build up his self-confidence. It's going to take work, and a delicate touch.

Ideally, he would see this relationship as an opportunity to grow into being the best man that he could possibly be, and after some time he may actually just realize the platform you gave him to become his best self. But that's kind of the key here, he needs to do it himself, and he needs to feel capable of doing it. You can support and encourage but the rest of the work is his responsibility.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-09T08:07:10+00:00

Title: Class difference within a relationship?

Author Apprehensive_Good398

Full text: I have been dating a guy for about four months, we have very different backgrounds. He graduated a technical high school and works long days at a blue collar job. He comes from a broken home and his mom is on welfare, that kind of background. I have a masters degree and come from a very wealthy family. I have never had to worry about money, I do work but my family still sends me a lot of money and I am able to travel, go to restaurants, buy what I want, ecc.

He understood immediately that I was a “higher level” than him and I knew he was “lesser” than me but it didn’t bother me. I like going out and doing things but I can also be frugal and I don’t mind cooking and watching a movie at home. For me the most important thing was spending time together. We have so much fun and he is so romantic and thoughtful, the kind of guy who always opens the car door, wants to pay for everything.

Everything was going well until he started having more and more money problems. He didn’t have money for food or gas and I offered to lend him €40 that he could give me back when he got paid (I know this was a mistake) he got pretty offended and refused so I dropped it.

After a month of him being more open about his financial worries he ghosted me. I was upset and surprised, we had a conversation a week before where he was telling me he felt like he couldn’t worry about another person and that he couldn’t afford to take me out.

A week has passed and we started talking again this morning, he has a lot of resentment towards me and my position. He said he can’t be in any relationship because he needs to do everything alone and it’s one or the other, having a relationship or achieving his goals. I tried talking to him but he just pushes back saying I am rich and I will never understand, that he hates people like me and is jealous.

What can I do? I am going to give him space but I want him to understand I like him even if he is “poor” and that I want to be with him. I don’t know how to make him feel secure with me.

TDLR: guy I’m dating is lower class, ghosted me, I found out it’s because he feels insecure with our class differences. How can I reassure him?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-09T08:07:10+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

HopelessRomantix1020 · 2024-07-09T19:48:50+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this. Often times we are so blind by emotions that we don’t look at the facts. The facts is, you like him and you don’t care that he makes less. There’s definitely a societal expectation that men is supposed to be the make more money and to be the provider. Because he can’t meet that that expectation (in his mind), he’s displacing these insecurities onto you.

Again, I personally think that he needs to work on this by himself, but if you want to help:

1) provide re-assurance: first acknowledge that you don’t understand his financial struggle because you didn’t grow up poor. Empathize with him. THEN mention what other things do you like about him. Text him about it, sit him down and tell him about it.

2) show him that this situation is normal. it’s 2024, there are men who make less than women, there are men who are house husband. It’s all over the Internet. It’s normal. Heck, there are men who prefers to be househusband. Yea sure there are women who prefers traditional providing men, but there are plenty of women you’re not one of them.

3) okay this is super random but your bf may face ridicule by your peers, your family, his peers, his family. If they know about your situation, they will judge, and they will gossip. and if he hears about them, he will feel even more insecure, and then once again displace his frustration onto you (unfairly). Anyway, this is going to be a sore spot for him. So if his peers or your peers make fun of him for this, you can try defending him.

Or you don’t have to do this. He is his own person, with his own agency. Tbh, the best way for him to get out of this mindset is cognitive behavioral therapy. But therapy is so stigmatized, men don’t want to seek them. So men don’t know how to regulate their emotions, so they just slash out to people close to them.

Just my two cents. Coming from my personal experiences.

Murky-Donkey7328 · 2024-07-09T19:10:05+00:00

You sound like a real catch yourself. /S

You have some issues that I think need to be reevaluated. Thinking of someone as "less" is troubling. You have been given an easy life. If you had nothing, how would you feel about people calling you "less"?

You seem to be from Europe, so maybe it is different over there, but in America your attitude comes off as very entitled and spoiled. You come from money and look at those who don't have it as "less". Spend a couple years out on your own without all your comfort and see if you still have the feeling of looking at others who struggle hard as "less".

I bet you would gain an enlightened new attitude.

Title	Class difference within a relationship?
Author	Apprehensive_Good398
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	July 9, 2024 8:07 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dywz4k/class_difference_within_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/class-difference-within-a-relationship.1523713 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523713

Comments